I want to experience "complete" motherhood....
I’d like to revive the age old Working Mom or Stay-At-Home Mom/Work-At-Home Mom discussion…have any of you ever been “at home” moms…I know quite a few of us don’t have any children but I know that some others are both biomoms and stepmoms…I’d like to get the perspective of both…I’m planning to have a baby within the next year to year and a half and I’ve proposed to my husband that we start looking into ways that I can stay home for the first 12-18 months…any suggestions, thoughts, etc…I also wonder how this will affect the dynamics of our family and I KNOW that there will be some problems b/c the girls moms didn’t have that option (they were never married…) and had to return right to work…of course they will not be working with all the information (i.e. a year of advanced financial planning, saving and making investments into balanced funds in order to be able to pull that money out later, breastfeeding instead of formula, cloth diapers to be laundered at home, etc…) so the perception will be completely off base…n-e-wayz…just wanted to get your experiences/perspectives on this issue….
- Nise's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Hi Nise
I was mostly a stay-at-home mom. I don't live close to famiy and couldn't imagine running a newspaper add for someone to look after my baby's. Once they could "talk" and could "report" back to me the events of the day..I felt more comfortable leaving them with others. Money is just money.....it comes & goes...the more you make.. the more you spend...but you will only get one opportunity to be there 100% for your children during that crucial 0-5 yr period. I've worked intermittingly during the school age years and full time during the last 2 years of my marriage. I have good kids...& have a close relationship with them..I'd trade my material things in a heartbeat to do it again. Things were tight..I shopped second hand stores, drove old cars, had a tight budget.....and there were days that I thought I would go insane if I didn't talk to a grown up soon.....but we would go for long walks in the woods behind the house..all kinds of things..that they will have memories of forever.
(I think my lack of financial independence for so many years kept me stuck in an unhappy marriage....when I got it back...I left!..I've since been laid off & currently work part-time at something else)
The down side is....Many years after graduating..I now find myself with an education that is outdated and having to compete for full-time better paying jobs with younger, more quailfied, recent grads. So job hunting in my 40's is not going so well...
Overall...I'm happy with the way things worked out...and although a late bloomer career wise...I'm sure things will all work out!!
It’s funny that you
It’s funny that you mention your education because I’ve also been thinking about that aspect of my decision….I graduate in a month (yaaaayyy!!) with my Master’s Degree...and while I’ve been working in my field per say, I’ve really not been afforded the opportunity to utilize my “full capabilities” in the way that I will be able to once I obtain my “official papers” (I don’t see a degree as the end all be all regarding ability to perform certain functions but that is the way the world spins…). How do you account for the gap in time on your resume? My husband is in quasi-agreement with me staying home for 12-18 months, honestly I would LOVE to stay home longer (start working part time at age 3 so that he can socialize by going to preschool and then return to work when he goes to kindergarten) but I’ve not brought up that “phase” of my plan to my husband b/c I want to see how it goes in the beginning…as you can see I’m a PLANNER…be it good or bad I’ve done it all my life…I’ve been planning my educational path since I was 15. I wanted to have my Graduate degree by the time I was 30 and I just turned 27. There have been a few detours, but for the most part I’ve stayed right on course. Now that I’m done with my education (for now anyway…maybe after the baby starts school I’ll go back for my PhD…) I’m ready to start my family and I want to dedicate myself wholeheartedly to being a good mom……I’m rambling now…but honestly its like I’m at a fork in the road and I really excited!
It will be harder
It will be harder on your career to receive your degree and not go straight into the professional arena; however, I imagine it would be harder on your children to explain why you went right back to work rather than taking time "off" to raise them. (Why have kids for someone else to raise? My idealist, not realistic mantra.)
What about an employer with on-site daycare? I envy the ladies I work with who get to go downstairs for lunch with their little poopers and watch them on the playground every afternoon.
Blueberry's Baby
Nise...
I'm a biomom and stepmom. When I first had my child, I had no idea in raising this baby. I stayed home for 9 1/2 months and wanted to go back to work so I hired a babysitter to watch her. The 1st sitter was a nightmare and the 2nd was the best. I got tired of staying home and wanted to return to work. I was alone at home w/baby so it was boring most of the time, not boring because of the baby but because the house was so quite most of the time. I was 27 yrs old so I didn't have the maturity to cherish the moments w/my baby and stay home until the child was 5 yrs old like some parents do now days. But if you have the feeling of wanting to stay home and raise your child, I say go for it if it doesn't hinder your household finance situation. If you have other family members who don't mind watching your child several days a week and you can work part time that is good too. Now that I am 32 yrs old, if I had another child right now, I would prefer to stay home. So I guess it depends on how you feel at that moment. Let us know what you decide.