We have been having trouble with SS and his behavior since Pre K.

All his teachers have dealt with it by bribing him. "SS if you sit quiet for 30 minutes you can a special treat"

Now SS is in the 4th grade and doesn't behave AT ALL unless he gets something out of it and even then may decide the bribe isn't enough.

7 days into the school year, I spoke with SS's new teacher because she was already having big problems with SS.

I told her that he is too used to being reward for less than marginal behavior. She needed to let him know that she wasn't going to play his games. I told her he was a master manipulator.

Since then I have had 4 other meetings with her. At one of these meetings she had the great idea that if SS behaves he can earn computer time. I told her that would be a huge mistake. A Week later she contacted me and told me that SS is asking all day to be on the computer, the other kids are jealous and if SS doesn't get on the computer when he wants, he throws tantrums. I told her to stop the computer rewards. She agreed.

That was a Friday, the following Monday she emailed me that SS was throwing a tantrum about getting on the computer. I told her again to discontinue the computer reward. A week later, I'm in her office again and she talking about SS and computer time. I told her again to stop letting him on the computer. (SO has told her the same in emails)

During the last meeting the behavior specialist was there with me and SO. SO and I both asked the teacher and the behavior specialist to stop rewarding (bribing) him. The behavior specialist then says "SS is highly motivated by food. Maybe that will work" Again, me and SO tell her we don't want him bribed AND he's overweight. He doesn't need any more food. So even signed a letter for the school that he didn't want SS to have chocolate milk or syrup at breakfast and limited junk food in the class (someone is always bringing in cupcakes or cookies for birthdays)

So what does SO get emailed yesterday, teacher had to send SS to the behavior specialist office because he was out of control. When he came back to class he had a candy bar and a huge smirk on his face pretty much laughing at the other kids.

So here's my question, why isn't the school listening? SO was super pissed when he read the email that SS was given a candy bar after being removed from the class for misbehavior. I get that sometimes the teacher is trying anything to get through the day with this out of control kid, but I would think any educated person would agree that bribing the kid has just created a monster.

I don't work in the education department, but I would send any kid that out of control to the principle, not bribe him and try to negotiate with a 9yr old.

Teachers help me see the other side of this.