Need some opinions (sorry it is long)***UPDATED****
My BF's dd is 12. I refer to her as SD12. So her mom is a very small person. She is 5'2 and maybe weighs 90-100 pounds. She has some type of eating disorder I don't think it has ever been diagnosed. She literally does not eat she can go a whole day with no food intake. This is just unhealthy and sets a bad example for SD12. Whenver the BM does eat she insists on taking Gaviscon (OTC acid reflux med)before and after each meal. She could suffer from acid reflux but I guess she never got a diagnosis of it from the Dr. this is according to BF.
So we went out to dinner for BF's birthday on Saturday. We picked up SD12 from her mom's so she could go with us. We went to a Japanese place and had tepanyaki style dinner. It is a very good local place that gets rave reviews. SD12 didn't know what it was and was kind of rude wrinkling her nose up at the food. But she did eat although it was very little, she tried the food and said she liked it. She even took her leftovers in a to go container. BF ran into the store and SD12 and I were in the truck. She is telling me how she needs a Gavicscon because she ate too much. I tell her you really didn't eat much you have most of your meal in the to go container. Whats bothering you I ask she says my stomach is upset and I just need a Gaviscon to feel better. We need to keep some at home because we don't have any and I take them alot.
First off I am just floored that a 12 year old needs acid reflux meds on a regular basis. She has never been diagnosed with acid reflux, to me its her mom's bad eating habits rubbing off on her. She has no problem eating junk food 24/7 but once she eats some real food her stomach hurts :? I have always been the type of parent to not give my kids to much medicine. This kid needs to pop a pill for every little thing. I don't know if I am over reacting or if this is normal?? I told BF we need to take her to the Dr. to get an expert opinion not just let her keep taking OTC meds for every little thing.
********UPDATE******************
SD had some trouble breathing (she has asthma) so he took her in this morning. She saw the Dr. and he gave her some meds for her asthma. BF also brought up her taking the Gaviscon. Dr. gave him and SD12 a lecture about how that was not good for her to be taking. He said if and only if she has an upset stomach then she can take Tums or Pepto but only in moderation. If something bothers her so bad then it needs to be removed from her diet. We can never pinpoint what foods are bothering her. She just gets an upset stomach in general. If it persists she will have to come back for further testing to rule out something more serious. She was a little shook up but she listened to the Dr., so that was a good outcome. Thanks for everyone's advice!!
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I agree she is mimicking BM.
I agree she is mimicking BM. I also agree that you and bf should take her to the doctor and get whatever testing this child needs to prove to her that she DOES NOT need acid reflux medicine. This is doing her more harm than good if she's taking it just to take it. On a developing 12 year old body, who the heck knows what it could be doing to her - especially if she doesn't need it!!
I had a similar situation w/ss9. Long story short, his grandfather was diabetic. He passed away and ss9 somehow found his deceased grandfathers glucose monitoring pen. ss9 started using it just because it was his grandfathers. I expressed my opinion on how unhealthy it was for this child to be pricking his dirty fingers constantly with a glucose monitor he 100% does not need. DH took it away from ss9 and ss9 got over it eventually.
It's going to be a struggle w/your sd12 to get her off of these but thats what good parenting is. Doing what YOU know is best for your children no matter how hard it is. Stay strong.
yes take her to a dr. not
yes take her to a dr. not saying that your SD is doing anything bad, but today kids are trying all kinds of stuff that will give them a "feeling" . I dont know Im clueless...but if she did not eat anything, why is she requesting to take it? Ask her what her symptoms are. 1) burning in chest or throat 2)feel like you have a nasty taste in back of throat?
If not and she says her stomach just hurts give her pepto bismol!!! Nobody takes that unless they need too! It works, but it tastes nasty! I hate it myself, but let my stomach give me trouble, I take that stuff and lay down and it knocks it right out!
Absolutely take her to the
Absolutely take her to the doctor. She's either taking them because her mom does and she's afraid to eat without them, or she's having some type of trouble. Ask her what her symptoms are, but don't suggest things. Let her tell you.
SD is at a very vulnerable age for eating disorders. You might want to consider a therapist if nothing is wrong with her physically.
It sounds to me like she's
It sounds to me like she's mimicking her mother. I'm not sure I would rush her to the doctor without talking to her first. By this, I mean you and DH should probably sit down with her and talk about this. Ask her when she started getting "acid reflux." Explain to her what acid reflux is, what the proper use of Gaviscon is (I'm sure there's a warning label for kids under such and such and age), and what can happen if the medication is used improperly. Then tell her that you're all going to the doctor to see if her proclaimed symptoms are indeed acid reflux, and if they really are then maybe the doctor can prescribe a less harmful/more child-friendly medication (it's more likely the doctor will tell her she does not have acid reflux and will reinforce the dangers of abusing the Gaviscon).
I agree with
I agree with @CalgonTakeMeAway on the doctor. Just as it is dangerous for her BM to self-diagnose a problem then self-treat, it's just as dangerous to assume there ISN'T a problem and not treat.
I suffer from GERD - and if I don't eat on a regular 2 or 3 hour basis, I feel like total poo. I take an antacid daily. sometimes more if I"m busy at work and don't eat all day.
FYI - I was 110 lbs, 5'4 until [edited] just before I got pregnant with my now BS8 - and I never had an eating disorder, but the GERD did prevent me from wanting to eat, so I didn't, made the GERD worse, ate less, etc. Vicious cycle. When I finally found a medicine that worked, I gained weight. I'm now 130 lbs (and, oh, a little over a decadeish older).
Sounds like her problem is habit, not medical. But you can't break a habit until you realize you have one. She just needs better eating habits.
Oh, and just one other tidbit, if she doesnt' eat frequently - she wont' be able to get much down in each sitting. My daughter was a "picker" as well, and her food intake was minimal at best until she started this new phase of life, the Tyrant-o-whinus Meanagerous.
I just scheduled her a Dr.
I just scheduled her a Dr. appt for two weeks from now. No openings this week so it will have to be the next week she is with us. BF will have to take the time off from work to take her. I think that her main problem is having an illness to get attention just like her BM.
BM has a new illness every other month. She has COPD or lung problems or you name it. Yet she smokes a pack of cigarettes a day :O I think it is learned behavior for SD and we are going to have to work with her to get over it. Its just so frustrating for me. I try to stay out of things for the most part, but I feel like this is endangering her health and if the parents won't do anything then I will step up and say something. BF likes to just avoid things he has come along way but still has a way to go.
Good job!!! And I think
Good job!!! And I think you're right, she may just need to learn a better way.
Be careful... I helped wean
Be careful...
I helped wean my SD off popping pills (nine yrs old with asthma when I met my now Ex H and helped herself to benedryl advil tums etc on a several times a day basis when we met. BM is an RN too.
In my (admittedly hind sighted) opinion now...
You are completely correct that it is very unhealthy for the child. The medical community would totally agree as well. But if your BF and BM have allowed her to self medicate? At 12 it will be ingrained. I would tell him your concerns and then let it go for him to decide what to do. Eventually my SD reverted back and took to sneaking around taking meds, a lot of times BM supplying her with them to take to school - Advil PM no less- tell me how that makes sense for a 13 yr old to self dose any time of day.) It was a constant source of stress.
I won't go into more detail with her self medicating since I've been out of her life, but...
for your own sanity- I suggest not getting too involved. If your BF wants to change it let him and support him. I think now that I'm out after 6 years (including helping him gain FC) that we owe it to ourselves as SMs to let the parenting rest on the parents- because then if there are consequences we didn't have anything to do about it. And therefore can't have the responsibility placed on us that really belongs elsewhere.
Hugs, and goodluck.
Thanks Sita Tara I tend to
Thanks Sita Tara I tend to stay disengaged but when it comes to health and well being it is very hard to be disengaged
. My BF is learning alot because he always deferred to BM's parenting. But seeing that parenting in his adult daughters I think he is scared straight now!!
I try to suggest and let him take the lead and if he doesn't then I know I have to step back for my own sake. But it so much easier to say than to actually do it.
Oh believe me...I know it is.
Oh believe me...I know it is. I also know now...
That they need to parent or not...and we need to accept it or not...otherwise I can nearly guarantee an unhappy outcome for all involved. But I know it's so very hard to do.