I hate how I feel when I find out SS might come live with us
Its almost clockwork. It happens about 2 or 3 times a year. BM (who usually is fine to deal with, as we don't see her or talk to her much at all), decides that she can't handle SS8 and wants DH to take him. DH of course jumps at the opportunity to "fix" his son. It usually doesn't end up happening. The only time it did was last summer and we had SS stay with us for about 6 weeks. It wasn't too bad. It took some getting used to but I even kind of missed him when he left. But its the initial shock that just gets to me. DH doesn't tell me either that he and BM have been discussing this. I came upon their text conversation because BM texted me to tell DH to call her, so I knew something was up.
Anyways, its looking like SS is coming to spend at least 6 months with us after school ends. BM is "writing something up" because she wants to have every other weekend and all these other conditions. The thing is, we live about 8-9 hours away from her so we definately do not want to be driving every other weekend to bring him to her. She says that she's going to come get him or meet us half way. She said she at least wants to see him once a month. She has sole legal and physical custody, DH has liberal access when we are in town, which is usually about once every 3 months for a weekend.
He's not so much a disney dad anymore, in fact his problem is that he has almost no time for DD1 and us, I really don't see how DH is going to suddenly make all this time to be there for his son. But DH says I will do what I have to do..he even threatened to quit his job. All this because I said "well...what is your plan". I think that is a valid thing to ask when something like this gets sprung on me. Right now and for the past year or so, DH has been working at least 6 days a week usually all 7 days, which includes his full time job and renovating our investment house.
I'm just venting sorry, and thank you to anyone to reads and responds.
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Oh no! I feel so sorry for
Oh no! I feel so sorry for you! This just happened to me! DH jumps at the chance to "save" SD15 from BM. I know deep in his heart he has ZERO desire to cart her ass around, blow money on her, pick up after her, cook for her (all the shit I WON'T do) hell he flat out told me he didn't want SD living with us again....but it's like he thinks he's in some competition or something to prove he can be a better parent and the ridiculous thing is that once SD moves in (now moved in with us for the second time in a year) he acts JUST LIKE BM... lets SD be a freaking slob, allows her to lie, manipulate, basically do whatever she wants. I just want to shake him and point out that he is doing EXACTLY what he bitched about BM doing.
But alas, there is no point, as soon as SD moves in there is some weird freaking fog that settles over DHs brain and any resistance by me is futile, SD is right back to super princess status and I'm the horrible, mean step mother.
p.s. don't let DH move this
p.s. don't let DH move this kid in and then use YOU to do all his bidding.
That is one thing my DH knows, if he insists on having SD15 move in with us, then it is ALL on him. I have a full time job, our 3 year old BS, a home business and a LIFE. I am not about to cart SD to school, do her laundry, pick up her sty of a room, etc. Not.doing.to.happen.ever. I got taken advantage of by DH when we were dating. I babysat the skids on MY vacation over spring break one year, would cart their asses all over to "help" DH out, would cook for them etc. and then got constantly shit on by BMs and then eventually skids. I now do NOTHING... not my kids not my problem.
Hell I leave for work about the same time SD has to be to school, but I refuse to take her, if DH wants her there and doesn't want to make precious ride the bus? HE get his butt out of bed and take her.
yes that's what I'm afraid
yes that's what I'm afraid of. He told me he doesn't have a plan but he will do whatever he needs to do...well what exactly does that mean. He thinks I'm bring unreasonable and maybe I am but this is too huge to leave up in the air. I am a planner and need to know whats happening, whats going to happen and how it's going to happen. He's told me before he just likes SS to be around.
mine and DHs problem as
mine and DHs problem as well... I am a planner, scheduler, play by the booker.... DH is a wing it guy. Drives me insane! (although I probably drive him insane too lol)
Wow, I thought I was all
Wow, I thought I was all alone on step kids moving in and the bullshit that comes with it. Low and behold a website for step parents Cool!
You need a serious
You need a serious conversation & planning...The fact you weren't even told a huge red flag. Who will watch the kid while DH is working? What is your role? Do you have the authority to punish? What are the house rules? Etc? Ya know... Especially if you are to "fix him" you need concrete planning. Best of Luck.