Visitation is done for the summer
SD15 left for BM's house today. It was an... *interesting* month.
We technically had her for four weeks, but I offered her 12 days at a residential writing camp - she loved it. Then we all ended up stuck in a hotel room (well, small suite) for another week while waiting for the contractor to finish the tornado repair work.
As tedious as it was to be piled on top of each other for the long weekend, the actual moving in was worse. DH and I are both self-starters, and we aren't used to having a teenager around who requires step-by-step directions. DH is also (possibly willfully?) oblivious to everything that isn't him, and I was the one getting irritated at seeing SD15 plopped in the recliner on the internet or staring at the boob tube constantly. I blew up at her more than once. There was a lot of talking between DH and I about him stepping up - HELLO, SHE'S YOUR KID, NOT MINE. Still, I was the one assigning tasks, making corrections, doing 99% of the interaction. DH tried to push it off on me - "But she gravitates to you!" - but I wasn't having it. It's something we're going to have to work on.
To my surprise, one of the few things SD15 begged to do was to be given free rein in the kitchen. From what she says, BM buys boxed meals and crap, and won't buy the ingredients for home-cooked meals. So I was totally OFF kitchen duty, while SD15 made eggplant parmesan, lasagna, pizza, and pot roast, while we collaborated on stuffed portabellos and mashed sweet potatoes. All of this was 99% from scratch - the sauces, the pizza dough, everything but the lasagna noodles. Instead of the kid who couldn't figure out how to double a recipe a couple years ago, I got rolled eyes when I was pointing out the quirks of stainless steel cookware, or don't forget... so I just left her to it. It was FABULOUS.
SD15 teared up at the airport. She really didn't want to get on that plane. She had made a point of telling me when she arrived that she had felt a sense of lightness and relief when she made it through security on the way to see us. It broke our hearts to see her upset.
Next on our plate - get a damn lawyer and start poking the crazy. Let's see who cracks first in the custody game. We have stronger wills, and deeper pockets, not to mention the preference of the child.
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Tornado repair work? In
Tornado repair work? In Joplin? I am in Joplin also. Glad you had a great time with ur SD
Actually, Fayetteville, NC -
Actually, Fayetteville, NC - we were hit with a F3 on 16 April, Tuscaloosa was hit on 28 April, and then you guys got it in late May. Our contractors told us that at one point, there were NO shingles to be found for love or money.
Still haven't gotten the final bill, but the total payout from the insurance should be close to $100k for us. Our contractor is fabulous and finished all of the structural work in 34 days - it would have been less, but the city kept screwing around on the inspections.
She's really a good kid. Much much better than I was as a teenager. Zero complaints about the near total lack of "fun" stuff going on.
Shouldnt be much of a
Shouldnt be much of a fight...She is 15... if she really wants to move with you just hire the lawyer to represent her.... It should be pretty easy...
Aaah, we're dealing with a
Aaah, we're dealing with a BPD/NPD BM. She has sworn to drive her family into bankruptcy to prevent us from "stealing HER daughter." Frankly, she's got all of the cards stacked - the state (LA) is so pro-CP it's sickening, DH and I are dual military, (therefore unstable and violent, right?) SD15's therapist is a BM pawn and won't even speak to DH, BM filed a bogus restraining order on DH in '02 that he didn't fight so there's documentation that HE's violent.
Meanwhile, BM is whipping SD15 with a belt/hairbrush as well as smacking her, and her DH does the same. Thing is, we have NO PROOF.
Hence the slow movement - document all the reasonable demands (no physical discipline by BM's DH, no hitting with belts, DH wants in on the therapy as he's legally entitled) and get evidence of the physical and verbal abuse. SD15 is keeping a journal, and will be getting friends to take pictures if she's ever grabbed or whipped hard enough to leave marks.
Depending on how the documentation goes, we hope to file in December for a change in custody over the summer. If it's quick and easy, that gives us enough time to get SD15 into one of the best public charter schools in the state, if not, hopefully it'll be done by the time school starts the following year.
"SD15's therapist is a BM
"SD15's therapist is a BM pawn and won't even speak to DH"
My DH and I fought for custody of my SS when he was 13. We won temporary custody and got SS involved in therapy, but BM convinced the various therapists that DH was the problem as opposed to BM (also undiagnosed BPD/NPD). I was surprised that so many counsellors were unable to recongize the PAS for what it was. We spent 2 years in and out of court and eventually, the court-ordered counselling showed that it was in SS's best interest to be back at home with BM. :jawdrop:
I would highly recommend getting DH involved in therapy. My DH chose not to fight the lies that BM and SS were telling his therapists and I believe this is what cost him custody in the end.
I told DH this - he needs to
I told DH this - he needs to fax/email the CO to the therapist and demand his legal right to participate. As it stands, the therapist tells SD15 that she will not speak to DH without BM's approval. BM "participates" - if you can call it that. From what SD15 tells us, BM uses the sessions to gripe about SD15's "attitude" and bitch about "Disney Dad." SD15 attempts to talk to the therapist about living with us, and she refuses, stating, "we need to get to your DEEPER issues."
Screw that noise.
If it comes down to an actual hearing with witnesses, the therapist (NOT court-ordered, as it stands) will be treated as a hostile witness, and her refusal (I believe she will still refuse, even given the CO) to speak to DH will be used as ANOTHER example of BM's contempt of court.