Is dh wrong?
I feel like this is a no brainer but step life always confuses me...
Bm called dh and asked him to pick ss up from school next Wednesday. This would basically be dh driving almost hour Wednesday to get ss and then take him to school the following day THENNN going back Friday to get ss again-(Bm refused to pick up ss or anything after appt.) Bm asked this because she says she has a doctors appt. dh told her no right off the bat and then the call turned into Bm berating dh, telling him that he's a horrible father and that he doesn't do enough and how dare he not help her by picking ss up or finding someone to pick ss up blah blah blah. She then starting telling dh that she has tons of medical issues and basically listed everything that's wrong with her and needs help. Dh pretty much told her he doesn't care about her medical issues and if she couldn't handle being the custodial parent that he's ready to take over at anytime. At this point Bm gets max support (doesn't work, so in essence dh is supporting her), dh provides all transportation for exchanges, we have ss Every weekend , plus we have ss on our insurance. IMO, dh is a great father and does a lot. Bms own father signed his rights away to her and her bro when they were kids to get out of cs, so you think she'd appreciate how much dh does do.
My question is, should dh take time off of work to pick ss up for her?? I guess I feel like she doesn't work so why is she scheduling appts that keep her from picking ss up from school??? It's not like she lives down the street, she lives in an entirely different city and yet she seems to think dh is horrible for not doing her a favor? Is he in the wrong?
Also, she started babbling on about how she has a lump in her breast and how dh should care etc and she seemed to lose it when dh told "I don't care about your medical issues!" She has an attitude that dh should be devistated for her and bend over backwards to help her.
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Comments
I see how frustrating this
I see how frustrating this is. I don't think your husband is wrong. If he works full time and completely supports his child and the child's mom, he's doing a lot. If she doesn't work, there's no reason for her not to schedule her appointments around her child's school schedule, especially if your husband would have to drive for an hour and take time off work.
I find that BMs who are supported financially by their exes or new SO often don't realize the vale of money, or what it means to work hard to earn your own living. My husband's ex never understands why he can't make it to certain events for their daughter (she lives an hour away too). It's because he works very hard at his full time job so he can support his child. His ex has never had what I consider to be a 'real' job, so she has no idea what it means to work to support yourself or your family. She doesn't realize you can't just take time off for random little things.
Thank you for validating what
Thank you for validating what I felt was right Teas. I guess the goodness in my heart felt like we should help however at the same time this woman is a bitch 99% of the time and she has the nerve to call and asking for favors. I mean I know ss is his child however I guess I see it like, you figure out what you need to when the child is in your care, ya know?
You are absolutely correct that people who don't work do not understand the value of a dollar or what taking time off really means. The most serious job Bm has had was at some check cashing place and was fired for what? Taking too much time off. They're the bad guys tho, not her.
It sounds to me like BM wants
It sounds to me like BM wants attention. This has nothing to do with SS. Of course she can schedule appts more appropriately. She is feeling sorry for herself and looking for attention. Sounds like she will take it any way she can get it, even at the expense of her child.
DH is completely right. Back him up. And don't give in to to her baiting you guys for a conflict. She just wants attention.
Ya know, I hadn't even
Ya know, I hadn't even thought of that! You could be right. It's strange for her to ask dh to pick ss midweek considering we live so far and she has her fiancé and family just up the road from her. Bm loves a good ol' pity party so I bet you you're right. Dh said she was so eager to tell him that she may have breast cancer and that she has endometriosis and some neurological disorder or something. Thanks for the comment. I always want to help because im a very caring person however I stop myself because you give Bm an inch and she'll take freakin 10 miles.
Oh yeah, it's always all
Oh yeah, it's always all about Bm. When dh asked her why her fiance or mother couldn't pick up Ss she flipped out saying that Dh is Ss's father so it's his responsibility to pick up his son. Dh just kept telling her that that's actually her responsibility as the Custodial Parent. I don't think she seems to get that because she's the CP she needs to take care of Ss on HER time. It isn't 50/50 or anything.
You're right. She called him like 2 years ago saying she had cancer in her uterus and when he questioned why she called him as he didn't care she flipped then as well telling him the same crap "you should care that I'm sick because I'm the mother of you child!" she's nuts.
Oh I totally agreeing with
Oh I totally agreeing with you being that he shouldn't have given her an ear full. He hadn't save her phone number from when she called a few days ago and Dh won't let unidentified numbers go to VM, it's SO annoying.
thank you for your words I
thank you for your words
I started to feel guilty, like Dh maybe should rearrange his sched, but for what? knowing Bm, she would then start asking Dh to pick Ss up every wednesday (ss gets out at noon on wednesdays).
"You're a terrible father" =
"You're a terrible father" = "I'm really mad because you should care about ME. It doesn't matter that we aren't together, I'm a self center, entitled ball of crazy and what do you mean you're not still pining for me and panting at my feet waiting to assist ME. Don't you know I'm the mother of your Child. If it affects ME it Must have something to do with parenting and I should be able to make you do what I want. I am the owner of a golden uterus."
No DH isn't wrong. She should have a support system to assist her if she needs this kind of help. When BM and DH split up, he was no longer part of that support system.
aeron speaks BM!!! i would
aeron speaks BM!!! i would give you my left nut (if i had one!) to come interpret for me!!!
Oh your dead on in you're Bm
Oh your dead on in you're Bm translation lol. She cannot seem to think the love Dh has for his son includes her by default because she's his mother.
Thank you for your words Aeron. It's been freaking 6 years since they split up, you'd think by now she'd understand that Dh is not her support system.
Ooh I'm a softy too!! I
Ooh I'm a softy too!! I literally want to help EVERYONE that I can and boy, after having Dd that want to help everyone has like friggin trippled itself. It's horrible. lol. I mean, I find myself praying for Bm all the time because although i dislike her, I don't want anything to happen to her because it would be sad, esp for my Ss.
I'm glad you agree that Dh was in right in his response. It's true though, if she has THAT many appt's maybe she shouldn't be the CP.
Oh goodness...do these women
Oh goodness...do these women go to a seminar every week together because it sounds like they're all the same! Our BM is the EXACT same. Won't let us have more time if we ask nicely, but expects us to drop everything on a dime because she's always "sick" and has appointments. She was an hour late picking up SD this past weekend because she was in emerge for a sinus infection (so she says...looked fine when she got here) and she unloaded her pity party story on us when she got here. But if we were to drop SD off an hour late for whatever reason, all hell would break loose. DH has told her the same thing as yours "if YOU insist on having full custody, then YOU need to figure out how to rearrange your schedule to make things work". There's just no reasoning with stupid though...they don't get it. Ever.
Right??? Oh you're describing
Right??? Oh you're describing Bm to a T. It's annoying to know that she will probably never ever get it though. Everything bad in her life is always Dh's fault.
I could have practically
I could have practically written this post. No, your dh is not wrong. BM is a selfish person. Good for him for saying no.
it's crazy how so many of us
it's crazy how so many of us have the same issues, you'd think we all share a bm. lol.
Thank you for confirming he's on the right track, this life is always so hard to navigate.
Amazing how these psychos can
Amazing how these psychos can twist ANYTHING around...that has absolutely ZERO to do with the child(ren)...into "you're a bad parent" or "you're just a deadbeat" etc
I know, it's so stupid. She's
I know, it's so stupid. She's always crying 'you're a dead' beat to Dh. Pssh, sometimes I wish Dh was a deadbeat and just pay child support so we didn't even have to deal with her crazy butt!