Am I wrong here?
I thought that SO was getting it but I may have been wrong. Somehow now I'm the bad guy.
RE last blog post, we hadn't seen SD in months. SO brings her to our house fathers day and tells me that shes coming camping with us this weekend, which he didn't discuss with me before he invited her. I was mad and we had a conversation about it and it seemed like everything was fine. He was taking her camping and I wasn't going and I didn't care too much. Whatever, he can do what he wants, but I made it clear that she was not allowed to spend the night at our house just yet. Its too soon.
Fast forward to last night. I texted SO to ask when he was getting off work. He says "5. I'm picking up SD". Oh. Really? Nice of you to tell me or discuss it with me first..you know..like we talked about last weekend!!!!! Whatever. I let it go.
I worked later than him and I get home and see that he and SD had gone grocery shopping for the camping trip and groceries were on the dining room table. I ask SO if all the groceries are for camping or if he got groceries for the house too. "They are for camping. Why? Do you need groceries for the weekend?". Serious? You go grocery shopping and don't buy a single item for the house? We have literally no food, as grocery shopping is usually done Thursdays or Fridays, and he cant even think to text me and tell me hes going and ask what we need? Nope. He goes for himself, which means now I have to go do groceries. Awesome.
Anyways today, the more I thought about it the more pissed off I got. He doesn't get it. He just said he did to shut me up. This was MY camping trip. We planned this weeks ago. He didn't even bat an eyelash when I said I wasn't going. Just "ok fine".
So I texted him today and told him that I don't want to start a fight over it but that I need him to understand that his decision to tell her she could come camping with us before he even talked to me about it was rash, and unfair and wrong. She has treated us like shit for months, why should she get rewarded with a camping trip that WE planned, that I am not longer included in. She is getting her way and all this is teaching her is that she can do whatever she wants and no one cares and will give into whatever she wants. Since im not going, shes again getting her way because she has pushed me out of the way. Again I said i'm not mad, I just want to make sure this doesn't happen again, and that he talks to me before he makes decisions like this again.
He didn't like that too much. His response was "that was the start of a very very bad conversation". Not sure what that means but I'm pretty sure its not good lol.
I may sound like a spoiled brat but I don't care! This was MY camping trip. Now she gets daddy all to herself without mean SM around and she has successfully caused us to have a fight yet again.
She was gone for like two and a half months and we didn't fight the whole time she was gone! Does that not say something?!
Am I wrong here? Am I the bad guy? Am I terrible that I think he is giving her the wrong idea by taking her? Or that I think it was inconsiderate of him to not even discuss it with me first?
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No, he's going to flip this
No, he's going to flip this around on you that you weren't told you couldn't go, you're just not going because you hate his kid, blah bidy effing blah.
YOU ARE NOT WRONG.
Nope... I would be PISSED....
Nope... I would be PISSED....
My house is mine too. I
My house is mine too. I bought it before we were together and he moved in. I make sure that the mortgage is paid with MY money too so he could never come back and say he's paid for the house.
I'm not at the point of kicking him out, but if this doesn't change I may be forced to.
This child has made our lives miserable for the past 3 months. Lies, accusations, disrespect, running away, you name it.
I am standing firm that this in unacceptable and she needs to prove herself before she will be sleeping at MY house again!
They both need to understand it. And I may not have to kick him out. He may just leave if he doesn't like that I'm not going to be walked all over. I'll be devestated but I'll get over it I'm sure.
I'm not a doormat anymore.
Sounds exactly like Chef
Sounds exactly like Chef Boyardumb! He NEVER EVER will get it. TO THIS DAY he makes unilateral decisions like loaning out my lawn mower to his ne'er do well-buddy-with-the-estranged-BM-and-skids brother. Then gets mad at ME for not wanting to just GIVE AWAY my old mower to said brother!
I can predict what will happen. He will point out teeeeeennnny tiiiiiiny decisions that you have made about practically nothing "without his consent" and compare apples with oranges.
"Yeah I made a decision about MY DAUGHTER camping and staying overnight but YOU made a decision to buy Dawn dishwashing liquid instead of Joy dishwashing liquid!"
I am NOT making this up; had the VERY SAME convo with Chef Boyardumb this past weekend. He was wishing me "bad karma" because I had a "streak in me" since I wouldn't roll over and give away my old mower to his brother who makes twice what he does, has NO CS to pay and wouldn't use the damn thing anyway!!!
He's going to call you SELFISH and you should be the adult by FORGIVING AND FORGETTING.
And yes, I know ALL about the "just buy groceries for me and my brood--anything that benefits me or my kids but NEVER buy anything for the house or for SM"
Disgusting.
"The dingo ate my baby!"
"The dingo ate my baby!"
I don't understand why you
I don't understand why you would ever think you were wrong? Is it because he says it is? You are a couple first and foremost or he would've stayed single. You should be priority one minus any medical issue or emergency. Not discussing things as a couple makes it appear as though your feelings are no longer important. He is treating his daughter like a mate more than a child. He should've told her that he already made plans and was sorry but they could schedule a different day and time to spend together. Or if the mother couldn't keep her, then schedule a babysitter while you continue with your trip.
I don't get why people don't understand that just because children existed prior to your entry in the relationship, you still have a heart, real pain, disappointment, and frustration. I'm so sorry. I hope you can get through to him.
More power to you. I would
More power to you. I would have thrown a major hissy fit. If he was going - he could stay there & play happy family with SD. I've learned the hard way sometimes you just need to be the bigger bitch. The trick is to save it for when you truly need it. Skid stole my vacation - yeah that would be one of those times.
Do a rain dance }:)
He threw you under the
He threw you under the bus....Not cool.You need to respect yourself enough to let him know why this decision hurt you...Because HE made it a choice...He should have stuck to his commitment to plans with you and scheduled something later with his kid. The deeper question is why did he do that? Does he idolize her acceptance of him soooo much that he has no self respect or respect for his partner that he jumps at the chance to please his child over everything else in life? Not healthy for him, you or his kid....He is teaching her that her actions have no consequences...she is the only one that matters in the universe...she can disrespect your relationship with him...and she does not have to take responsibility for her own actions? (Sounds like a chip off from the ole block)... Why would he do that? because he craves her acceptance? because That is a major weakness in him....
If it were me, I would not pretend it was ok...because it isn'r, and it will just keep happening...You need to prioritize you dignity and self respect. The test of his character is now...His decision to disregard your decision you made together...disregard your boundaries...disregard you as a person...Treat you with apathy...is the bigger issue...It has an effect on your trust in your relationship...nothing can justify that...If you compromise...choke it down...pretend it doesn't matter...you will stuff your anger and it will show up on your doorstep when you are least expecting it...
He threw you under the bus, and if you can't communicate through it...it will continue..until one day you will not have to worry about being thrown under the bus, because you will find yourself residing under the bus...Honesty about how you feel may not be popular, but it is necessary to truly resolve the bigger issue here...I don't think you are being unreasonable in expecting him to keep the commitment he made to you to go camping. And he should have respected you enough to talk to you about any changes he intended on making...(it is called consideration) You are setting a precedence in the relationship that will set the tone for the future...
Manipulating each other by saying...this is going to be a bad conversation does not help you communicate through it...Usually, if a person is angry, it is a symptoms of something much deeper like hurt, or fear...Using anger to manipulate someone else is not cool...He has to be able to be honest with where he is at also...You may not like the answer...but, at least you will know where you both stand...If he cannot see what he has done to you..or refuses to own it...Go have a great time with someone else who respects you as a person...If your significant other treats you so badly...perhaps you should rethink that whole significant other thing with him and find someone who gets what that is supposed to mean...
I want to kick him in the
I want to kick him in the balls along with my DF. He just also pulled this shit. "Oh baby I bought us tickets to Cancun - just the two of us".... 2 months later he says where do you want to go on a summer vacation? Let's me see if I can upgrade the tickets to include the kids.....guess what baby? I found the plane tickets cheap and bought them for all of us for Cancun. As I just stare at him he asks....Why aren't you excited??? I don't know dipshit...go figure it out. I have come to the conclusion men are idiots!!!