Warning: this is long. I felt I needed to explain a few things after I found that I was getting the response of 'throw him out' quite a lot on here. Hope this explains it.

A lot of people on ST, and quite rightly so, are replying , 'throw him out' about my SS18. I agree with this sentiment and so does DH after the stunts he pulls BUT our hands are tied to a certain degree and this is why:-

We do not live in the US. He may be classed as an 'adult' legally at 18 but my DH's responsibility towards him financially in this country goes on until 25. Sometimes even longer if they are still in education. He is high functioning AS and although we get absolutely no aid or extra payments regarding him now the powers that be still have an attitude that DH will be responsible literally forever. This includes BM but as that slippery biat** always manages not to pay a cent more than she has to I just know it will all fall on us.

The law surrounding certain financial issues here is very strange. If your adult relatives (kids or even your mother and father) get into financial difficulties and owe money then the authorities can come to YOU for payment. You have no way of stopping them spending or taking out loans etc but you might still find yourself bailing them out when they are 50!

Taking this into account is why we are working so hard to try and get this brat straightened out and working. On the plus side he is keen to work and is very 'into' the line of work he has chosen. Also if it is something he has chosen he is then motivated. All on his own terms ofc. I don't know how this will work out when his employers call the shots over what he has to do. He can be rude, arrogant, stalks off, 'forgets' intentionally all the time if it is something he is not interested in. For this reason DH and I feel that working for a company as such is not the ideal start for him. He needs more structure, something as an intermediate before really being 'on his own'.

So, the Military was the idea. I have heard of many families making their sons go into the military (maybe daughters too, not to be sexist, but I haven't really heard of that) but here you cannot 'make' them. They have to pass a test and if they don't pass they don't go in (forgive me my ignorance but this may be the same for the US) and of course he could easily (and would) throw this test if he didn't want to join the military. We feel it would give him more support and mature him a lot. He can follow his line of work within the military and doesn't have to stay there forever but can sign up for 5 years then choose after that. During that time he will get a lot of valuable experience to use.

I have said many times about how immature and dependent he is in a lot of areas. He just assumed that DH would allow him to do whatever he wanted educationally and job related. DH has tried to make it clear to him that his behaviour has changed this fact and that we want him out asap as unless he makes a complete 360 then we cannot and will not live like this any more. SS had just taken it for granted that he would get to do that optional last year at school.

Unfortunately the army does not start recruitment until November and DH has to make a decision this month because school will start again in september naturally. If we stop the school and wait until November for the Army then SS will be pissed that he is not getting his way and bumming about being a baby for another 18 months so will probably throw the test intentionally. He will also not have any work lined up so looking for a place with a company will be long winded and we don't even know if he will get one with his lack of social skill plus he will expect DH to hold his hand through all this. DH will have to oversee the CV writing, take him to interviews etc. He does nothing himself.

Despite all this I still so desperately want him gone. I'm so sick of it all. A couple of weeks ago DH dropped the bombshell to SS that he didn't intend for him to do that extra year because of his behaviour and that he would prefer that he applies for the army and continues his line of work there.

SS acted so shocked by this. I don't think he believes or takes in a single word we say to him. Seems to live in a world where he thinks his behaviour is fine and we are just talking for the sake of it. Then this friday after talking to the Army recruitment office, someone who turned out to be a previous work colleague of his, we find out that it is really better for him to do this extra year as it naturally would give him an advantage as they are getting picky about recruits. Great. *sobs desperately* He advised for him to sign up for the next year at the school but also to take the Army recruitment test in November. All seems logical but it just extends our misery with him AND now SS is cock of the north (english saying), he feels he won so we get another uprisal of him breaking rules, ignoring us, being really rude to me in particular, passive aggressive, doing what HE wants not what he's told. Not doing his chores and responsibilites etc. He feels he has won. I feel depressed.

Yesterday DH asked him why he had not yet started doing his laundry. His answer was 'I was blowing my nose!' How do you deal with someone like that? He then claimed he had too much 'homework' to do, was still in his dressing gown, unwashed etc and claimed that it would take him 'hours'. I took DH aside. I said ' tell him to stop that, put his laundry in then get dressed and do his homework on the dining table where we can see him'. SS was belligerent about it but DH was beginning to get very het up and eventually SS was at the dining table doing the 'hours' of homework. It took about 55 minutes. Everything is BS with him. He has all weekend to do it but he uses it as an excuse not to do his chores. Everything is a fight. I have the summer holidays with him starting next week and I am going to go up to the loft room and hide away. I will lock up the kitchen so he cant eat all the food and he can sod off.

So that's why we can't just 'throw him out', I would love to. Oh and as an aside, the funny thing is that if he goes into the army he will be stationed back where we used to live, near to BM.

* oh and signing him up for that extra year at school will cost  us 400 dollars in books without other school costs. Whether he finishes it or joins the military.