You are here

I NEED HELP!!!!!

mom_STEPMOM's picture

Submitted by mom_STEPMOM on Wed, 04/18/2007 - 10:37am

I'M HAVING ISSUES WITH MY STEP KIDS. I'VE BEED A STEPMOM FOR 9 YEARS AND IT SEEMS I HAVE NO CONNECTION TO THEM. IT SEEMS ALL I DO IS GIVE, GIVE AND NOTHING IN RETURN. I WAKE UP EVERY MORNING TO COOK BREAKFAST, I DO LAUNDRY, I ALWAYS MAKE THEM BIRTHDAY PARTY'S, MAKE SURE CHRISTMAS AND OTHER HOLIDAYS ARE PERFECT. I'M SERIOUSLY THINKING ABOUT DIVORCE BUT I'M WORRIED ABOUT OR 2 CHILDREN(7&6). THIS IS REALLY PUTTING ALOT OF STRESS ON ME PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY. IS THIS NORMAL? PLEASE HELP!!!!!!

Comments

h6not3's picture

Submitted by h6not3 on Wed, 04/18/2007 - 12:34pm

I'm sorry that you are feeling so stressed and stomped on... Unfortunately, you are not alone. I have two step-children, and two of my own. My two appreciate what I do, and the step-children seem resentful that I am in their life.

I have come to find out that the children are very upset at their biomom, and in turn, they take it out on me.

I beleive that they wish their mother could do the things that I do for them. She can't, and is unable to....therefore, they are angry at me. This makes sense to me, and helps me get through the days.

I have a lot of days that are filled with resentment and anger. Life was much smoother when I was a single mom.......but looking at my situation now, my step-children are able to have a stable life, my two children are happy, and I have a wonderful man......All of this makes up for the snotty, resentful, and down-right rude behavior that the step-children sometimes give me. They are getting better Smile

The best advise I have been given?.....Don't take it to heart, and if it wasn't you that they disrespect, it would be any woman. Try and make the situation a positive one, pray, and hang in there. Smile

I hope you have some better days.

- heather

happy's picture

Submitted by happy on Wed, 04/18/2007 - 1:12pm

Tell them you are done being the maid, cook, mom when its convenient and make them respect you.. Period..
Do you love your husband? If so, then stay and work at this... Marriage and parenting are both hard work.. Really hard. A job or career is less work then marriage and parenting.. Stick this out.. But put your foot down to the step kids treatment to you..
Quit doing all the wonderful things until they can respect you and treat you with kindness..
Happy

" make sure you tell the people you love most EVERYDAY.. Its important not only for them to know but for you to tell.. Life is to short to be miserable..

We have a list of responsibilities in our house and it's divided among all of us. My SKs are 11, 9, and 7 and my son is 8. They all participate in sweeping, dishes, sorting and putting away laundry, vacuuming, cleaning bathrooms and cleaning their rooms. They get allowance for the work they do, but only if they do a thorough job. They get to rotate chores each week, so it's not the same thing all of the time. That helped me stop feeling like the work was completely my job. It has also given each of them ownership in our home and our family.

If everything else is too much for you right now, take a break from it. Ask your hubby to help you out with these things, too. He should participate.

happy mom's picture

Submitted by happy mom on Wed, 04/18/2007 - 7:07pm

I would stop doing all that stuff, let the kids be do their own thing teach them to be independent. Take it easy and relax. Don't do everything yourself and don't feel guilty for not doing it.

-happy mom

septembers_child's picture

Submitted by septembers_child on Fri, 04/20/2007 - 5:26am

Stop doing those things for them that causes you to feel used, abused, and taken for granted...

Cruella's picture

Submitted by Cruella (not verified) on Fri, 04/20/2007 - 5:40am

Yes I agree with all of you. I when I feel resentful and unappreciated will stop doing things. Just last week my DH showed his butt. I stopped everything. I call it an attitude check. Believe me it works. I have since day 1 of my marriage made it really clear about what my role is. I am NOT their Mother (I think I got reminded one too many times) nor do I try to be. I can't help he had children with this idiot who doesn't do a thing for her children I have already raised my children. I don't mind helping raising my Skids but I am not doing it all. My life doesn't center around my Skids and DH. I have a life too. I do things because I want to not because I have to. If I don't want to do it I won't.

didddos's picture

Submitted by didddos on Fri, 04/20/2007 - 8:56am

Sometimes, I think these DHs are lucky we don't grab out BKs and jump on a plane to Tahiti. If it helps any, you're not alone.

laughterandtears's picture

Submitted by laughterandtears on Fri, 04/20/2007 - 6:57pm

This is what I call Step Parenting. Stepping Back. If they want to treat me like I'm invisible, then fine, I will be. Nope, no mom here, step or otherwise. Not until you can respect me. Oh wait, you're hungry, call Pizza Hut. Need clean clothes? There's the washer, soap, ect.. and it goes on like that. I pull the plug immediately. No way I am going to play housemaid to a bunch of spoiled brats.
IF IT WAS EASY, EVERYONE WOULD DO IT.