I don't think they change in their fundamental personality, but they can certainly change their behaviour.  I have changed in major ways, several times in my life, it is possible if you have sufficient motivation.   

I think a first step and to show his good faith and willingness to act (plus if you trust him to arrange it) you could ask that your husband makes an appointment for you to see a marriage counsellor together.  Talk is cheap, people will say anything in order to secure the ends they want, but walking the walk takes a little bit more effort.  If he does this as asked,  goes along willingly, and makes an effort to engage with the process, then things might look more hopeful.  

Counselling would be an opportunity for you to talk through the things you mention that have caused resentment, in a neutral environment, where the counsellor can act as a "container" for your strong emotions.  

However, they have to want to change and have to work to make it happen. What concrete things has your DH done to prove he has changed? What does "he is doing well in his drinking" mean? Is he attending AA? If it means he is drinking less, that is not enough. What about anger management? Has he attended any classes or gone to any therapy? If he wants to go to therapy with you, has he contacted any therapists?

At this point he is all talk. He is telling you what you want to hear. He has not offered anything beyond words to prove he has changed.

Is he providing any child support? You can file with the court to get child support even if you are still married.

I think you are better off without him. However, f you think you want to try again, he needs to make concrete and lasting changes before you should ever consider moving back in with him.

Until I read this last bit I had a smidgen of sympathy for this guy.  He can't really give up his drinking. He stopped going to counselling. He kept everything. You have nothing.  You help his business. He prevents you from claiming benefits, and I just don't understand the joint bank account thing.

I want you to ask yourself this question: How much have you changed that you would go back to this man? If you haven't been changed at all by all that you have had to go through these past months, by all means return and get treated just the same.

However, if you feel that you have come to the realisation that this man showed you no love or concern when you were at your most vulnerable and that you have the confidence to start to make a better life for yourself and your child without him, then put these thoughts behind you and move on.

Because I know you just had a baby and are overwhelmed by long nights and emotions. And I was nearly at the point of sympathy for the situation until you posted your reply. And that’s all gone 

this man has not given you a single thing from the baby shower. You have no money no child support and you can’t get anything because he refuses to take his name off the books. 

If he really cared about changing HE WOULD MAKE THE TIME TO GO TO COUNSELLING. So basically it’s just more of the same - lies and pretty phrases hoping to wear you down 

your being a moron if you think that he has changed. He hasn’t - and next time it will be harder to leave. Show him his crocodile tears don’t work- ask him for the following 

- make a list of stuff from the baby shower you need and have him deliver it to where you are . I mean he wants you guys to be comfortable right? 

- make an appointment with a marriage counsellor

- take your name off the books in the business 

let’s see him make some positive changes to stop controlling you- oh and you won’t be going back if these occur- these are first steps to him rebuilding anything with you and must be done without complaint. If not you should know where you stand

also you need to look into a legal manner of forcing him to take your name off the books 

He gives you a lot of excuses and, really, nothing more.

Frankly, I don't believe a word he says.

I think that's a loaded question. There's a lot going into it.

I do believe a person can beat bad HABBITS and ADDICTIONS. Such as drugs and alcohol. If a person really wants to drop that and is committed to work at it every day, I believe they can. I don't believe it'll ever be easy for them though, and I believe it'll be something they may struggle with and have to fight for the rest of their life. I watched my uncle go through alcohol (part of the reason I don't drink) he was a genuinely good man, he "beat" it before I was born, but I also know he had to work at it every day. It wasn't easy for him, and I remember him telling me as much (we were close). It was something he had to work at every single day to keep going, but because he was willing, it worked.

I do believe people change in the sense of over time, for instance, clear through high school, I couldn't speak in front of any more than two people without going red, getting that deer in the headlights look, and then completely freezing up, I couldn't make friends that easily, and as a result only had like 3 people I ever really let get close (I had tons of other friends, but I put on a face for every one of them, they didn't actually know who I was), I was afraid of my own shadow and of messing up and dissapointing everyone around me. I felt like I was destined to be the world's biggest failure, that I wasn't going to go anywhere and at any second people would leave me. This was due to some complications in my personal/home life, but that's who I was. After some therapy, and some self realization though, I'm confident, I'm not afraid to be myself, and I really don't care what anyone else thinks about me, because I'm going to be me.

I don't think the base changes though. loyalty, compassion, empathy, sense of humor, perspective, imagination, temper, morals, etc. I think those are things you can fight, but that don't really change, it's part of almost a "base" personality that everything else is built upon. I believe that a serial cheater is going to cheat again. An abuser may abuse again. A cruel person may change their method, but they will remain cruel. A Narcissist is only going to care about themselves. There are exceptions, and I understand that. But I don't think someone who repeatedly shows that's how they are is magically going to become someone else.

I don't think he's changed. He's cruel, he threw your stuff into the shower didn't he? Didn't allow you to have things for the baby, sounded abusive, and like a bit of a maniac. Even if he's trying to change, the damage has already been done, I'm not syaing hold a grudge, but learn from what you've been through. He's shown his true colors at a time when you needed him the most, which ended with you having to finish your pregnancy alone. I'm glad he's trying to be a good father, but I think you personally can do better and shouldn't have to put yourself in a situation with him again.

In my opinion, yes, people can and do change but not because of anything you or anyone else does.

People only change when they absolutely have to. When nothing in their life is working for them and they finally realize that they either change or remain miserable. 

They have to do it for themselves and they have to come to the realization that they Have to change by themselves.

They may come back to you saying they’ve changed and it might be true but you still have to let them go. It’s too easy to fall back into the same old patterns. Unless the person changing is a family member and even then it can be hard, You need to let them move on and be a better person for someone else. 

I have a friend from childhood who grew up in a dysfunctional home. He got married to a lovely woman and they had 2 boys. Life was hard financially and he had huge anger issues. He finally did the unthinkable and hit her. It was so hard, they were both very good friends and I of course was on her side. They did counseling and he took anger management courses. He just couldn’t let go of the idea that she was provoking him. He couldn’t take real responsibility for his actions. She loved, loved, loved him and it was so hard for her to let go.

They divorced and he lost everything. She kept the house, the kids, and all their friends. He dated a bit but realized that his anger was overwhelming him. I don’t know how but he figured it out. He did a complete 180. He found a great job, worked 24/7 and met a nice girl. They got married over 15 years ago and he’s been a model husband. He works hard, pampers his wife and has never even raised his voice to her. 

His exW was so upset. She wanted to know why he couldn’t be that man for her, was something wrong with her? He says no, something was wrong with him and being with her and her leaving him taught him what he needed to do to be a better person. For whatever reason he couldn’t be that man with her, for her but he can be with his new wife.