So I was talking to a co-worker yesterday about her 18yo D who just graduated HS in June and is now going to straight to college in this week. Her D got such good grades in high school that she has a full-ride scholarship to a expensive, PRIVATE university. What's MORE, her D has WORKED part-time in a daycare for the past 2 years (since 16yo) and even though D will be staying at home while attending college to save on those costs, D is looking for a JOB to subsidize her own "fun" while attending school. I should note that D is the product of an intact, nuclear family.

So then there's one of my BFFs. She got knocked up with her 1st D at 16yo and married the father, then they had another D a year later, so she had two baby girls by the time she was 18yo. BFF's H/D's F was an adulterer and abusive (unfortunately I witnessed this a few times much to my dismay!) but BFF hung in there until she just couldn't take it anymore and they divorced after 16 years of marriage. Despite being a low income WORKING single mom (she DID get CS though, but less than $600pm for 2 girls, so nothing exhorbitant), BFF still co-parented Ds with XH and BOTH girls graduated with good grades (WHILE WORKING and doing chores around the house no less - a "novel" idea, right?!), and both headed straight for college the fall after graduating.

Okay, so now you have my SS19. Raised in the sole custody of my H since he was 9mos while uninvolved BM moved out of town, married someone else, had 2 children with her H and raised them as a SAHM(and home schools!) My H apparently as an adult still felt so slighted about having to do chores as a child (are you kidding me?!) that he didn't want SS to have to do chores, so he did everything for him. On top of this, my H felt so "guilty" about SS's having such a crappy BM that he (admittedly) overcompensated for this by focussing only on SS's "happiness" and preventing SS from experiencing anything else "negative" in his life. When H & I first got together SS was 14yo. He went to school faithfully everyday, all day, and yet still managed to fail most of his classes. SS was not involved in any extra-cirrcular activities nor did SS have a job to "distract" him from his studies - he barely even left the house to hang out with friends. SS watched whatever he wanted on TV/DVD/at the Movies, listened to whatever music he wanted (explicit lyrics), played whatever video games he wanted (gratuitous violence), and ate whatever he wanted ("hated" vegatables & anything else remotely "healthy".) SS came home from school, entertained himself, and went to bed. I never saw SS do any homework and never saw H ever ask about homework. Now, SS19 is working part-time at Wendy's and living in a rented room shared by his GF. SS19 doesn't have his own phone or car, he simply uses his GF's. GF works full-time and goes to college while SS sleeps.

Which child(ren) would you want as your SK(s)? Better yet, which child(ren) would you approve of your BK(s) being romantically involved with? (The latter question I feel is the TRUE barometer. I cannot imagine the disappointment that comes when you realize you've raised the kind person that you would NOT even want your own child associated with!)