Guilty Parent Syndrome / Disney Dad
There's no denying any longer that this is my DH. He doesn't see it as such.
The chat logs, their texts. If you didn't know any different, they read like two people in the midst of an affair. It's gross. He doesn't see this either. Dozens of texts a day, most of them while she's at day camp, that I pay for, but whatever...
I just don't know how to approach it. I don't know how to break it down to him that his Disney dad behavior is taking a toll on our marriage.
Aside from the fact that we need counseling, I'd love some advice. I need to address this with him in a way he'll freaking understand, obviously...
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If she is at camp texting all
If she is at camp texting all day, I would approach it from the standpoint of the camp SURELY isn't doing their job if they aren't keeping her busy with activities.
Aside from that, how is his texting his child affecting you? Does it take time away from you? Does he interrupt what he is doing with you to answer texts that are inane? Or are you just upset that he doesn't text you as much as he texts his child? Figure out exactly what about it is so disturbing to you, and then decide if that is a reasonable thing to ask him to stop doing. I don't see texting as "Disney Dad" behavior really...to me a "Disney Dad" is one who wants their time with the kids to always be fun, refuses to have the kids responsible for anything, makes excuses for their poor behaviors instead of dealing with poor behaviors, is always buying unnecessary things because precious WANTS x thing, etc.
Yes. Texting is taking away
Yes. Texting is taking away from our time, his time with our bios. He absolutely makes excuses for her behavior.
I could care less if he texts me while he's away.
So, you say "DH, can we
So, you say "DH, can we please spend the next 3 hours just with us, no phones?" (you have to give yours up too...)
And I'm sure your bio kids get more time with him than your SD because they live with him 100% of the time.
Not much you can do about the shitty parenting part of it though, if he doesn't want to encourage good behavior instead of masking bad. You can try to bring it up if you want, but you'll just create a shitstorm that you'll regret.
Separate your finances and
Separate your finances and cut him off financially. It's amazing how generous people can be with other people's money.
Oh yes. Our finances are
Oh yes. Our finances are already separated.
It has crossed my mind. I
It has crossed my mind.
I wouldn't say he is emotionally unavailable to me, but he's surely more available to her.
Are there other examples?
Are there other examples? When I saw the headline I expected a different post. I have one kid that likes to text me a lot through the day but i never saw that as indicative of me being disney mom, he just likes to keep in touch and i enjoy it knowing it won't last forever!
This is beyond just keeping
This is beyond just keeping in touch stuff. Lots of "I love you" throughout the day between them. Lots of hearts, heart eye emojis. I mean... a lot. Like I stated -- if you didn't know it was the two of them, you'd think if was a couple in a new relationship, fawning over one another. It's his daughter, just to be clear. It's not a case of him putting his daughter's name on another woman's phone #.
And she's the total
And she's the total "daddyyyyyyy" type. I guess I just never put two and two together that this could be a mini-wife scenario.
how old is the child?
how old is the child?
She's 10.
She's 10.
maybe it is an age thing, my
maybe it is an age thing, my son is very affectionate like that and even loves attention but seems well adjusted, has friends other interests, little crushes on girls, etc.., Could it be a stage the sd is going through?
I can only hope.
I can only hope.
Other examples would be
Other examples would be always needing to hold his hand, sit next to him. All the time - everywhere. Talking about mommy and other family members from her mom's side of the family, as if that's something her dad would like to hear. Conveniently always getting hurt, having some sort of ailment to get attention.
What doesn't make it classic mini-wife is the fact that she doesn't involve me in anything negative -- yet.
Keyword: YET. Its only a
Keyword: YET. Its only a matter of time until daddykins and princess bride start to gang up on YOU
She sounds very clingy,
She sounds very clingy, needy, and insecure. Which is not the same as being a "mini-wife".
It's an all the time thing.
It's an all the time thing. Most are initiated by her while at day camp with equally as much happening before and after camp more days than not - initiated by DH. His attempts at keeping the amount of texting he engages in has come to light, despite trying to keep it on the down-low. It's secretive in nature. He uses more emojis than his daughter. lol
It affects me in regards to this not being a road I want to go down if this is indeed some sort of mini-wife, needy behavior. I feel it needs to be discussed. We have bios that don't get this level of attention.
No. By no means a hill for me to die on.
She sounds like a mini-wife.
She sounds like a mini-wife. Needy, clingy and always looking for attention from Daddddy.
My exDH and exSD did a lot of the behaviors you described. I would sit and watch them and just be shocked at how they acted like love struck teenagers. :sick: I love my kid , but I don't need to fawn all over her lol. My exDH was emotional unavailable to me and it hurt. One of the reasons I kicked him to the curb. Relationships/marriage take constant work to keep the love burning bright and strong . Your DH needs to give you some more attention and show his kid what a strong adult relationship looks like. . He needs to set boundaries with his kid and teach her to be more independent.
Put yourself in his shoes, if
Put yourself in his shoes, if she is the one initiating the attention, would you not respond? I'm sure quite a bit of it is disney dad, since he feels the need to respond every time. Unless it is cutting into yours and DH's time I would let it go, just don't look at it. That is DH's burden, maybe your DH will grow a pair, and start setting limits.
I'm not sure it's quite mini-wife, more than Disney Dad, does he find her irritating, but he doesn't want to say anything that might hurt her feelings?
When SD was following DH around constantly, one day I simply told DH in front of SD one time, as he was trying to use the restroom without her following him in, he looked a little annoyed, and I said "I feel sorry for you, she is way clingier than YDS", who was 3, and very clingy towards me at the time. I refused to go out in public with the two of them, I told him he was way too enmeshed with SD to help me out with the other kids, he might as well stay at home with her. I also think I might have called him a helicopter parent a couple of times... Anyway, I got fed up, said some not so nice stuff, embarrassed both of them once or twice, and that was the end of the clinginess.
I figure so long as he doesn't stand me up for date night, or neglect his duties as a father to his other, not so important children, I put it on ignore, and try not to complain.