You are here

Good Advice from Mother about Steptalk.org

MiseryNMissouri's picture

I told my mom about this site and even got her to read some of the posts and she thinks that this is a great site for us to come and vent in order to get things off our chest...Then she posed a great question to me, once you come here and vent do you still walk around with some type of anxiety or anger in your heart if so then have we really vented......Also she wanted me to ask the group that after venting do we go tell our DH's we love them, ladies when was the last time you told your DH you love him, if you cant say today, then you are wrong. You never know if today will be your last.....call, text, email or stop by his job and tell him you love him...I'm taking roll call...i just called my DH...who is next... Smile

Comments

Sita Tara's picture

Tell her to read my "Darwin and Me" post about how venting is my catalyst for evolving.
http://www.steptalk.org/node/19380

I summed that one up pretty good, and I think it's relatively short (for Sita standards!)

My mom worries that BM/SD MIL will find me on this site. Not sure what they would do if they did.

MIL or SIL maybe, as I've been honest a time or two at the hurt I've felt from them over SD's issues being blamed on my existence.

But really, DH is the only one I sometimes worry about reading something he won't like, because he feels defensive. But he honestly has not interest in reading here, and feels this site has been a saving grace in our marriage at times.

"Parental love is unconditional, relationships are reciprocal." ~Zen

overit4tenyrs's picture

I told DH that I loved him and that he was a good father. I may do things differently as a parent but he is trying his hardest. They need to hear this from us, noone else is telling them, especially not the SD's or BM's.

Totalybogus's picture

My husband and I text all day long and frequently tell each other how much we miss and love each other as well as some risque texts...lol.

I think it is very important to stay connected and I truly believe no one should go to bed mad at one another, even our children.

Sita Tara's picture

I started doing that again yesterday. He used to initiate most day time communication, b/c he manages two manufacturing plants, and it's hard for him to call/text me. But after a while all our communication became about SD - what she was doing, what she wanted to do, etc. And then he stopped the "I love you, how's your day" communication.

I sent him a note yesterday, hoping he would be responsive and he was.

He still doesn't say "I love you" on the phone anymore. I'm going to have to suck in my pride and reclaim that little ritual too. I used to always let him say it first, b/c if he was with a boss, client or employee of course I know it doesn't look professional, and I didn't want to not hear it back. But now he never says it first, so maybe he didn't get that. And he doesn't even say it when I know he's alone, or in front of SD in the car and that really bothers me. I tried talking to him about it, and he didn't really have much of a response other than it wasn't personal.

It is to me.

So now I'll just put him on the spot, knowing if someone is there from work he will just say you too. If he says "you too" in front of SD, I won't like it, but it may just take time.

"Parental love is unconditional, relationships are reciprocal." ~Zen

Amazed's picture

Dh and I work in the same office so in between surgeries we're always being sickening lovey dovey:) venting here keeps me happy,sane,and reasonable in real life. Wink

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." ~Judy Garland

melis070179's picture

I tell him every morning before he leaves for work Smile But no, posting anything here never makes me feel any better, it just keeps the issue on my mind that much longer. BUT, some of the posts or PMs I get, DO make me feel better, USUALLY Wink I take it with a grain of salt. No one on here ever really knows a situation, and if they lived it, their responses or advice might be totally different. So really, all decisions on what to do or how to deal or feel about a situation, have to be totally up to me. No one in cyber world really has a vested interest in my life, so while it can be nice to let off steam and get reassurance (or bashed), its not really "real" to me.

"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"

Wicked.Step.Monster's picture

I'm sorry you feel that way! I've met some awesome people here and I believe they truly do care about my life. They may not be here in person to give me a hug but it truly makes me feel better to talk to them here! ST has become very 'real' to me. I hope it does for you too!

Storm76's picture

I told him last night (I was still asleep when he left for work today). we've been emailing today but no 'i love you's' in with that - he was asking if I knew where he could buy a mankini for his office secret santa!

Angel's picture

I love my husband, I don't like some of the situations that arise due to his "prior". We have a very loving relationship.

I come here to vent, to help others (when I think I might be able to), and to get a different perspective on things but I do not come here to be hurtful to anyone.

I do enjoy a dose of sarcasm. There are a lot of people that do not like sarcasm; it rubs them the wrong way. But, on the other hand, we can't all change style for the stick-in-the-mud (just joking)that doesn't like a sarcastic quip now and then. Didn't someone's panties get in a bunch because of the nicknames we have for the skids?

Amazed's picture

She didn't get her panties in a bunch over the nicknames but I think it was more of the tone that was behind the nicknames. She was reminding us that even though we feel severe dislike,irritation,etc for our skids that they are still children and it's probably not helpful to call them hateful names in our blogs.
Basically saying that if we refer to them in hateful terms on here over and over...it will make it harder to see them as something positive and worthy of our love and affection after the drama and dust settles. She wasn't trying to hurt anyone or be a stick in the mud I think she was just expressing the way she felt about something that has been bothering her and did her best to do it in a constructive positive light. Some took it the way it was meant to be taken and others didn't but explained why they didn't. I think that particular thread turned out pretty well and I think we got some really great things accomplished with it. It sent a logical message that made a lot of people say, "hmmm...maybe I should try this"

And sarcasm is like a second language for her I'm fairly sure! lol,she'll correct me if I'm wrong Wink

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." ~Judy Garland

Most Evil's picture

H. and I talk about 25 times per day and say I love you before we part in the morning. The weird thing is that if we are off together we forget to say it though-! so are working on that part Wink

Neither of us like it if we are not emotionally connected ex. if arguing or something that is the worst we can do to each other, is not talk.

I don't really write blogs here that much as there hasn't been much going on since we haven't seen SD in a while and - I am paranoid that our situation will be recognized or I feel whatever it is, is too personal somehow (I know, weird huh) but I do feel better when I can say in a response how something makes me feel.

I have never regretted writing here, unless I get mad, I try to not write that as it just causes problems for everyone! LOL A lot of things I feel like I am not a good enough writer to convey exactly what it means to me, often too because maybe I am not sure how I feel, or have mixed feelings.
_________________________________________________________
"What luck for rulers that men do not think."
Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)

Stepmom2Ched's picture

Answering your mom's questions...

Yes, I do feel a little better venting here. I'm venting less to DH which I know is probably a relief to him to not hear me dwell on it (and I do tend to dwell on things that make me want to spit nails!)

Yes, I tell my hubby quite often that I love him, that I appreciate him and that he is my Life, my Love and my World!

~*~A Good Mommy will let the kids lick the beaters. A GREAT Mommy will turn the mixer off first!~*~