You are here

"ex"-stepchildren? What do I do?

Mary's picture

Submitted by Mary on Mon, 10/15/2007 - 9:22pm

My husband and I have 7 children between us. I have 4 (ages 23-16; 2 boys and 2 girls) I have 2 grandchildren. He has 1 daughter (22) from his first marriage. He also has 2 stepdaughters (27-29) from his 2nd marriage which lasted 15 years. He has 3 grandchildren by them. My problem is one of the "ex"stepdaughters (the oldest one) seems to be jealous of our new family. She (has 2 children and is 29 yrs old) lives 45 mins away while my children live 1 mile away. She does not like the fact that I am close to my grandchildren and not as close to hers. BELIEVE me when I say we keep everything equal when it comes to gift giving....I am starting to have hard feeling towards her because she is an "ex"-stepchild and is not grateful for everything we do for her. My husband says she was always the "all about me" child. She is having a hard time understanding that she is not the #1 child. She is 1 of 7. She married last year and WE gave me much of the wedding. She is treated equal!!! How do I handle this "ex" adult stepchild?

Comments

Anonymous's picture

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Tue, 10/16/2007 - 12:05pm

My husband has an 'ex' step daughter who is 14. Ive known her since she was 11. I have the same feelings sometimes. WE pay for sooo much - buy her new school clothes, school supplies, homecoming dress etc. and it is frustrating when they dont seem to appreciate it. I really dont have the answer as to what to do about that but I just keep the hope that one day she will understand what we have done for her (even if it takes her til she is a mom or grandma). JMTC

stepmonster2's picture

Submitted by stepmonster2 on Tue, 10/16/2007 - 5:40pm

I guess maybe have your hubby talk to her, explain that you both are feeling unappreciated. sometimes talking can clear the air but if she has these strong feelings that she doesn't matter you might not get through. I wouldn't stress the fact you have done this and that she will probably get defensive. I have the same situation or maybe I am like the ex-stepdaughter....I have a sm who really has not been equal. My father passed away last year and now what ties do I have? I really don't need the relationship, I don't have to keep being nice since dad isn't around. So really what is the point. and I can't stress enough I live a block away from her not 45 minutes and I KNOW that she doesn't treat me the same as her own bd.!

Stick's picture

Submitted by Stick on Mon, 07/06/2009 - 6:30pm

I LOVE THAT!! So True... God... It's perfect!

Mary - I know this may sound harsh... but um, the girl is 29 years old. In my own humble opinion , she's lucky that DH is still in her life as much as he is, considering that she's 29 and he was there for 15 of it. However, I'm also wondering if your DH is the closest thing this girl has had for a father? Like, was she closer to him than her own dad? If that's the case, maybe she's feeling abandonment??? I don't know - that's giving her a LOT of benefit o the doubt.

I don't want to sound mean, but the girl needs to grow up. If it were me, I probably wouldn't change a thing you're doing. And eventually, just explain that EVERYONE is getting the same treatment. And keep saying it. And leave it at that.

Best wishes to you!!! Smile