Stupid BM "I won't put ugly on you"
Over dinner we were talking about clothes and shopping. SS7 told us that while out shopping the other day he saw some shoes he really liked (some I have seen at the store). We bought him a pair in a similar style a while back and he has just about worn them out. When he pointed them out to her she said "Those are ugly. I won't put ugly on you" and wouldn't let him get what he liked.
Now I understand parents not liking the tastes of their kids or what is in fashion. But seriously - these were a pair of brown classic VANs style slip on shoes. plain jane sneakers. I really believe the only reason she said that is because we bought him some similar and she doesn't like it that ss happens to like dh's style in shoes.
I almost lost it when I heard him say that.
Then he shows up with a t-shirt that says "Trouble is what I do best" or some such. I HATE THOSE KINDS OF SHIRTS - ss tells us that bm bought it for him because he is always so bad at her house. Way to go, bm. Tell your kid he's too much trouble and that he's bad.
I am so angry over these two clothing incidents. I want to cry for him, for sd too really. I knew that bm acted like that to dh but now she's starting in on the kids.
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Shirts
I know what you mean about those kind of shirts. Ss's entire wardrobe at his mom's are shirts with different saying on them. The last one was really bad and if he wears it again, I'll make him change. It was making fun of police officers!!! Or how about the one where it basically says ss is a "dork" able! and it shows a geeky kid with glasses, which ss wears.
What is wrong with a decent shirt once in awhile?!
Dawn
Do these BM's all share the same brain????
Ours does the same thing! With SS, last year while he was living w/ us, she took him "school shopping" (yeah right) for clothes, and he came back with all "word shirts". One of them said "Beauty is in the eye of the Beer Holder"....I whipped that shirt out of his hands so fast, it never saw the light of day. SS was 13 at the time, and BM is a "recovering alcoholic", supposed to be in AA. I wonder what her AA friends would have said about her buying a shirt like that for her kid. Like we would let him wear that to school, she just wanted us to look bad The rest of the shirts were stupid, inclined to make him look dumb, the poor kid did not even realize the intention..~"I'll get you my pretty...and your little dog too!"~
the thing that gets me is
the thing that gets me is that she is usually opposed to that kind of shirt. she likes him to wear polos and button downs. She made an exception to let him know she thought he was "trouble". he tells us he is always in trouble at her house. He's not a bad kid though - he has lots of energy and loves to be playing outside - moving, running, etc. He has absolutely no problem stopping when he is told to calm down. he can absolutely behave appropriately in public.
I HATE it when parents tell their kids they are BAD. To her his noises and wiggles mean he is a "bad" kid. He's a BOY. They WIGGLE and make sounds with their mouths and get dirty. UGH. Not sure why this one bugs me so much.
in our case
I think ss thinks that all of these shirts are funny so he is picking them. Bm wants to be his friend so she goes along with it and buys them ALL for him. Then in the end, ss has no decent clothes at Bm's house.
Bm's live-in ex just dropped ss off with me today and guess what? Yep, another one of those shirts with goofy pictures and words. I don't even read them anymore if he's not going to school on that day.
Dawn
They don't want to be parents
My husband bought SD several of those stupid message shirts. I put my foot down on the last one, when she was 12, which said something like "Coed midnight beach party." I'm sorry, but when is that appropriate? The others said things like, "I'm waiting for you to get a personality" and "Crazy doesn't even begin to describe it." Was that last one referring to BM?
I'm pretty sure the
I'm pretty sure the "trouble" shirt is going to get lost in the laundry.
As will any other of that type. If he asks or she wants it back, I will send it in a bag. Oh, did I mention it is so big that his shoulders fall out of the neck hole???!!!
That is not cool....
Especially the one about 'beauty being in the eye of beer holder' are you serious! That is sooooo not appropriate for a child to wear!
My DH or should I just call him "my oldest" LOVES the hunting shirts with all kinds of crap written on them; IE: He has one shirt that says: "I got a new gun for my wife; best trade I ever made!" and "Deer camp, its all fun and games until the beer runs out!", and then he has this plain black shirt with tiny white writing on the bottom and it says "If you're close enough to read this you might as well just suck my d*** while you're there."
My son has a shirt that I actually think is kind of funny, its a picture of an old wooden sign and written in crayon it says: "Dog and sister lost, reward for dog"; however my son doesn't have a sister at his dad's house or I would not let him wear it there.
For those of you with totally inappropriate T-shirts comming home I'd "accidently" spilled bleach on a few of these shirts.... doubt BM will send too many after that!
I totallly dislike
those stupid saying shirts too. H and I buy a lot of clothes for ss. I pretty much know his taste and am able to get stuff he would like and still make him look good, but it seems like anytime we buy him clothes and he wears them to BM's house they come back looking like they have gone through hell...faded, those little balls on them, worn, holes in them, or dirty. Sometimes I think that BM does that on purpose because we bought them. Then when he comes to our house in stuff she bought I just look at him and think were you even thinking about your son when you bought them? I am firm beliver that your kids are a direct reflection of you when they are out in public as far as how they look and act. BM will send ss out with hair greasy from being dirty and sticking up and shorts that are too small and a shirt that looks like a he slept in it. H has said something to her before about him looking like that and she says oh he is a kid. Well so what if he is a kid he likes to look nice and not like a rag muffin! When ss gets to our house and we going somewhere and him and I get his clothes out and he gets dressed and I fix his hair he stands in the mirror and says I look good don't I and then thanks me for helping him to look nice and getting him cool nice stuff and he is only 7 and a boy! When he is with us and we go out without fail might near every time we get a compliment on how handsome he is or how cute he is. I must say he looks just like H so that swells H head up but I tell ss that he is a cute kid I just help him bring it out. He likes to strut and look good and I can tell when he is at his mom's and goes out he is embarrased at how he looks. He is getting older and I tell him that he can fix his own hair and pick out his own clothes cause Lord knows at least 1/2 the ones we bought him are at her house and they are the style he likes...oh waiot BM has ruined them ...possibly by throwing them out in the driveway and repeatedly running them over. Sorry I went way long and veered away from topic... but BM buys those stupid saying shirts and lets SS look like the terror them shirts describe. What can I expect though she always looks like trash herself...
Wow, how strange -- I detest
Wow, how strange -- I detest those shirts too and SS loves them and comes home w/them from BMs all the time. I bought him one, *once* that said "I do all my own stunts." I thought it was an okay compromise (and SS was very proud of it) -- but I have put my foot down on others, about hating school and homework, preferring video games to everything else -- he wears them from BMs, but he'll never wear them from here. I think they are tacky, esp to school! For t-shirts in the hot hot summer, if I don't buy a plain block color shirt with stripes on the chest, I like to buy him "Life is Good" shirts and surf shirts instead. It's a small thing in my mind, but still I ain't gonna do it. There's v. little I have a say over, but I have a say over what they wear when they are here!
I think
it boils down to values. We each aspire to live our values in our own homes. That everyone (out of our home)has different values is to be expected but in OUR HOMES we usually expect/plan/wish/hope that our family shares our values. When "strangers" come into our homes (with different values) it makes us feel a little out of kilter. Study habits, religion, eating habits, hygiene are all learned in the home-----now we as steps are forced to deal with individuals that are alien to what we want in our personal space. Just a thought. I have one now and then.
BM bought my boys this shirt!
"NICE HOOTERS"... nice huh? i sent it back cut up in about 5 million pieces with a note saying "hope you didnt pay too much" lol
honestly they are 2 and 3 yrs old