Sometimes I feel like such a B*tch
I feel like all I ever do is complain about SD and make it seem like she does nothing right. It isn't true. There are times when she does nice things. Yesterday, for example, I came home to a clean kitchen, including a dishwasher that had been emptied and refilled with her dishes for the day. The table was even cleaned. Now, she hadn't put some of the dishes away, but it was a start.
Maybe I am too picky. I mean, the house isn't perfect when I do the cleaning, but I still get upset that she leaves dishes out or puts them in the wrong place even after I have shown her where everything goes. Am I ungrateful?
I just feel like she does a half-ass job so that, if I say something, she can say "you just can't be pleased by anything I do." I mean, I was always taught to finish a job completely. If I do towels, they all get folded. Not her. If I wash dishes, I put them away where they belong. Not her. If I use something, I put it back. Not her. But am I too petty? Do I expect too much?
I think a lot of is simple frustration at not feeling at home in my own home. DH and I lost pretty much everything in a flood in 2004. We finally bought a house in the summer of 2005 and now, instead of being able to enjoy our own home and do the usual "homeowner" stuff like painting, fixing up the kitchen, etc., we now have extra bills and no privacy. I just want her out of my house and there is no end in sight.
I really do sound whiny in this one, but it sure feels good to get this off my chest. If you read this far, thanks!
- marika's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
My son was the same
I don't think it matters much if it's a step or bio kid. My bio kid would always do a half-a$$ed job if he thought he could get away with it. He didn't have a lot of chores, but the ones he did have he did right after much, MUCH coaching from me. If he didn't put the dishes away the way they should have been put away, he got to do it over again. He finally, finally got the message, and ended up doing a pretty good job of it. Try and set the guidelines and just keep after her as any parent would.
Rae, I would be more inclined to keep after her
if she weren't 21 AND if we hadn't already talked to her about the need for her to step up and help out. Besides, I am disengaging (I like that word) from the whole mess. DH has to deal with it. I just needed to come here to vent, but I do appreciate your comments! I didn't really expect a response from anyone to this one - I thought I was to whiny for anyone to even want to give a response!
Shoot my son's 22 now
And living in the basement of his dad's house...and still has to be reminded...sometimes I think it's ridiculous and it makes you want to give up...but on the other hand, I remember what a slob I was at 20 and 21 and now I am the neatest most organized person you would have the misfortune of dealing with :-)...there's always hope.
Good for you that you are letting DH deal with it...I hope things get better for you!!!
Y'know, Rae, I remember being the same way
and that is what led to this particular blog. Even today, I got a pleasant surprise when I discovered she had put a forgotten load of my clothes in the dryer today. However, the very cynical side of me also noticed that the more I ignore her and the less I do for her, the more she does around the house and then I wonder "is she doing this just so she can tell everyone how much SHE does for ME and how little I appreciate it?" (Before you decide that I am just a totally evil person, please understand that this was her pattern when she was younger. She actually told her grandmother that I made her scrub the bathroom on her hands and knees, forgetting to mention that the only item she had to clean was the tub. If you can scrub that and not be on your hands and knees, please tell me how!! Half truth is her speciality,)
Been the same
I felt like that with my step daughter for quite awhile. She and I would butt heads and I hated living in my own home. To make it worse, my hubby and SD moved into mine and my daughter's existing home so they were intruding into our space, or so I felt. It was to the point where I was trying to convince my Husband that his daughter would be best off with her BM. I hated this child and everything she did was wrong. Then one day we found out that the BM was arrested (again) for drugs. She was a meth addict, the grandfather was abusing my SD and this was a place I wanted her permanently. I was being an idiot. Then I started taking a hard look at myself and how I parented her versus my BD. It wasn't all her. It has taken ALOT of hard work, almost losing my husband on several occassions, heartache and pain, but she and I both have changed. I do not accept perfection from her anymore and encourage the positive more than focus on the negative. Now I find her doing more things just because. Slwly but surely the house is becoming ours. So there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I regret those choices I made and see now that I would rather die than have this little girl gone.
You will find a way to make it work so long as you really want it. Don't consider yourself a bitch, just human.
I am hoping that things with my SD will change
and I am trying hard not be so negative all the time, but it is so difficult not to be suspicious about her motives. Right now, I am adopting the wait and see attitude. In the past, this kind of nice behavior has lasted about 2 weeks tops. I will do my best this week to be appreciative of the things she has done so that she can see that being nice is noticed. Hopefully, by doing that, she will start to realize that doing nice things for people is not the bad thing that her BM made her believe it was.
Thanks for helping me get some perspective on this!