I'm not even sure why I logged in here, because I don't even really have a problem right now and I certainly don't feel like I have anything constructive for other members. I guess it's just a habit.

Anyway, I just don't care anymore. I don't care what SD looks like or says or does. I slipped a couple weekends ago and bitched at SO for letting her ride the ATV with her shoes half off her feet. I then realized if he can't be a decent enough parent to make sure her feet don't get chopped off, what can I possibly do? I can't change him. So other than that, I have been disengaged even further than I imagined disengagement to be. I am polite to SD, but pretty much my interactions are limited to "Oooohhh...that's nice".

He has SD every weekend. I have left the house, I believe, the last 7 weekends, and even a couple other weekends during the summer before this streak. As in gone Friday after work and back late afternoon on Sunday. Of course it helps that I've been doing something I love to do that can pretty much only be done this time of year (horseback riding/camping). Two years ago I found myself leaving the house on weekends out of self-preservation, but that just made me resentful or sad. Now that I guess I'm sick of trying, I find it liberating. SO can just fester in the mess he made and watch me go out and do whatever the hell I want. He can just sit around and wonder what is happening, since he seems so bewildered. Had he been listening to me for the past couple years, he would know. It's not just SD. It's how clueless and unhelpful he's been to our relationship. And now that I'm not working on our relationship, it's pretty much non-existent. Today, I don't even care.

Further back in my blog, I wrote what I thought was pretty much the Universal Story of the stages most of StepTalk goes through. Well here's a new one: Jaded disinterest.

Oh wait...EXCEPT I almost went crazy and got in the car and drove home this past weekend when I found out SD brought BM's unvaccinated, not de-wormed puppy over to our house. I have puppies and an immune-compromised older dog at home. I do not want this puppy, which is a breed prone to parvovirus and comes from an area rampant with parvovirus, anywhere near my dogs (I'm not being an alarmist- I work with this for a living and know it to be true). Not to mention I don't want BM's puppy at my house. Not to mention BM treats animals as if they are disposable, so I hope SD doesn't get too attached to it because they don't usually keep dogs more than a couple months. Not to mention BM can so not afford to have a puppy that she called me (bothering me at work, mind you) to ask if I had a leash she could use because she didn't have money to buy one, and evidently she is not clever enough to fashion one out of some household item, like...oh, say...a piece of rope. AND not to mention SO wasn't going to say anything to me about it...my DS mentioned casually in a text that the puppy was there, which is the only way I knew about it. SO's deer-in-the-headlights-I-am-so-busted expression was mildly amusing when I asked him to please not let BM's puppy come over. I may be disengaged, but he better not dare jeopardize the health of our pets.