I'm a "Wicked stepmum" for wanting kid free wedding night :(
For some reason I can't post a blog so I'll put it in the comments. Have emailed admin but to no avail.
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For some reason I can't post a blog so I'll put it in the comments. Have emailed admin but to no avail.
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I'm so angry!! My fiancé and
I'm so angry!! My fiancé and I are getting married in December. We've had to fight tooth and nail to even see FSS5 as BM is crazy and regularly stops contact. Tbh we're not even sure if FSS will be allowed to come as we have him every other weekend, taking him to hers on a Sunday night but we're getting married on a Monday (due to work commitments). We don't know what we can do with FSS on our wedding night though. The in laws will be pissed so I wouldn't feel comfortable him staying with them and he's not used to my parents to the point of being able to stay overnight. We're getting married 30miles away from BM's home so can't easily get him home - it'd be a two hr round trip. I reluctantly suggested we have him in our hotel room but my fiancé, thankfully, would rather we find an alternative. We don't know what to do so I posted on another forum and apparently I'm "one of those wicked stepmums you hear about" and I'm palming him off on others just so we can have sex and we're dressing him up as a pageboy for show.
It's not like that at all and the comments have really upset me. We just want one night on our own where we don't have to worry about being woken up at 6am by FSS. It was Mother's Day yesterday (we're in the UK) and BM didn't even want him back. Poor kid
mind you, I wasn't complaining about the extra cuddles, but I'm gutted his Mum didn't even want him! She's a total b*tch who puts her life and the life of her "new baby" ahead of FSS's yet I'm being selfish and wicked for wanting one night! It really makes me feel like sh*t as I'd do almost anything for FSS!!
Sorry, messed up my post. I
Sorry, messed up my post. I posted on another website and it was the girls on their who we're calling me wicked and selfish and saying all sorts.
I'm sorry you have to keep everything secret. I don't understand why these women have to make everything so difficult.
Why can't he stay with dad's
Why can't he stay with dad's parents, siblings, cousins....
There has to be someone in the family that can keep him over night.
Why do you have to be comfortable with him stay in with one of dad's family members? It sounds like you're creating a problem that has an easy fix. Just leave the boy with grandma over night. :? As long as it works for dad, the kid and the family memeber it should be fine.
His Dad's family is pretty
His Dad's family is pretty rubbish. Both his parents get absolutely wasted at family events and there's no way we want a 5 yr old staying with someone who can't even look after themselves. He's never met the rest of the family as they all live miles away. SS is closer to my Mum than to my fiancé's family. If it were you, would that be acceptable? He's never stayed with anyone else overnight (on our side at least) so we're just a bit weary. It's not just a case of me having an issue with it,y fiancé has an issue too
You're evil and selfish for
You're evil and selfish for not wanting a 5 yo in your hotel room on your wedding night??? Jeez I have really heard it all now! Agreed with op - there has to be one relative capable of looking after the boy for one night.
Apparently we should just
Apparently we should just wait until the next day to have alone time. Jeez it's OUR wedding night! I'm marrying fiancé, not his son. Sure he'll be a massive part of our family but adult relationships need work too
He's never stayed with anyone though, BM is always palming him off but we never do. I may just ask my parents as at least they'll be sober as they have my 9 year old bro to take care of which SS gets on really well with.
The trouble with some other
The trouble with some other sites is that you cant really vent out, and thats no good.
This site as helped me realise alot. Other sites just recommend you carry being taken for a mug! This site, help you realise your own potential and really give uo the feelings thats sometimes you dont like to admit! Its full of proper support and help too!
Re your post; Its not selfish, its yours and your OH's night so you shouldnt have to share it with any kids! So im with the others, if your parents are happy to help, then I would ask them.
Tell me about it. It gets
Tell me about it. It gets worse. Have one woman saying her daughter still calls it "our wedding" when referring to her mum and stepfather's wedding. Ugh! Someone pass me the sick bucket!
Thanks for your support. It's so much more helpful than being called wicked, selfish and a number of other names.
When should we ask BM if we
When should we ask BM if we can have him the Monday? I hate not knowing but don't want to tell her we're getting married as I know she'll just kick off!
Was it the "crazybitchbm.nut"
Was it the "crazybitchbm.nut" site you were on? How did you end up having visitation the night before your wedding?
Your wishes are your wishes; nobody else can dictate what your wedding day should look like; right or wrong.
I have two schools of thought, FSS5 (fairly new here myself, not sure what F is) attends and it is psychologically cemented for him that you and your DH "have become one." (Not what I would do)
OR (and this is what I would do, and what it sounds like you want to do): FSS5 does NOT attend; therefore under no circumstances let your wedding date slip to BM, FSS5, or anyone who might be inclined to tell her.
You are starting off trying to please too many people and "do the right thing." While that is admirable, it will backfire in spades. Fight hard now to show BM what stuff you are made of, or you will be fighting a lot longer and harder later if she figures you for a pansy.
Now that you have found this site, read, read, read.
Lol! I wonder if that site
Lol! I wonder if that site actually exists? I was just on a normal parenting site with a wedding board so thought it'd be okay. That's just it, we haven't agreed visitation for the night before. We still need to ask her (somehow). There's no way we want FSS (future step son) to not be at the wedding. He's part of our family and I'd hate for him not to be there. I think we'll just ask my parents to take care of him Monday night. As it's in the holidays perhaps we can get visitation extended so we keep him for a few days more since we'll be away for the second week of the hols and won't be able to see him.
Don't know when to bring it up though. I'm such a control freak and hate not knowing if he'll be allowed to come but at same time I can't think of a reasonable excuse for bringing up the dates so early!
I misunderstood and thought
I misunderstood and thought you didn't want him there. Speaking from my experience( and *Tog* too), I had a Family Blessing in Mexico with my SO and 3 bios. I don't bring skids on vacation….made that mistake once.
You will eventually see that all this emotion, strategy, juggling, nervousness could have been solved by simply letting him stay with his mom.
Once you try to split the baby in half, the BM will run to get the hatchet (which is entirely OPPOSITE of the King Solomon story; we no longer live in a Bible-believing society. Our society is upside down: another sign of things to come).
What do you mean by try to
What do you mean by try to split baby in half?
Wrt King Solomon, my partner and I are actually Christian and so do believe the bible - although unfortunately my fiancé wasn't Christian when he got his ex pregnant - probably would've solved a lot of problems if he had been. But still, we love FSS and wouldn't be without him now, despite all the BM drama.
There are plenty of member's
There are plenty of member's on here who had a kid free wedding and it was perfect. Don't feel guilty at all for wanting what you want for your wedding!! You don't have kids of your own yet it sounds like, so this makes PERFECT sense!!
I'm sure kid free weddings
I'm sure kid free weddings can be great! But we only want a kid free evening, it's just trying to figure out the logisitics of it all that's giving us a headache :/
I wish I had had a kid free
I wish I had had a kid free wedding, the fire dept wouldn't have showed up, my parents wouldn't have been pissed, a fight wouldn't have broken out in the parking lot, and I wouldn't have been told that my husband was a child molester (not true) the night before my wedding.
wow, that sounds like a night
wow, that sounds like a night you won't forget (for all the wrong reasons).
I guess I'm just not getting
I guess I'm just not getting what the biggie is on this one. First the BM has to be asked for an extended visitation to include the Monday overnight. FDH2b doesn't have to immediately tell BM this is for a wedding, but simply ask for the extended visit and/or inquire about perhaps switching days and ask for Sunday through Tuesday morning or whatever. Time will come soon enough BM will learn soon enough what the event is but being it's December a simple pre-okaying a big holiday event in advance is acceptable (not a lie really just a non-detailed event, she'll either say 'no' or 'yes').
Best to know soon one way or the other so you can prep FSS for the event as the perhaps a role in it or a little tux or whatever...weddings take months to plan the little details and you'd not want to wait to the last minute to even know if BM will be waiving her usual Monday so FSS can attend.
No, don't leave FSS with a household that are roaring drunks after , aka FDH's parents. Neither one of you would enjoy your evening worried if SS were ok. Your own parents are perfectly acceptable. You might do a test run or two on one of your scheduled visitations Saturday evening to be sure SS is comfortable with it and your parents are up to it. Also a good female friend from work or whatever that might do you a favor would be acceptable too. Don't let anyone guilt you over having a babysitter...no one takes a child (bio or step) to a wedding night hotel run. The closest that might be ok in that situation would be if you rented your parents a room in hotel and SS stay in their room on a extra cot. You've got time to work out something that both FDH and you and the child are totally comfortable with and no, you're not 'evil stepmum'...you actually sound very concerned about all parties and what's best for all. Nothing 'evil' at all.
How about hiring a babysitter
How about hiring a babysitter and having her stay with SS5 wherever he is comfortable. Like at your house or something?
Holy crap.....you are NOT
Holy crap.....you are NOT selfish for wanting to spend your Wedding Night alone with your fiance.
I see an ass-kicking tour in my future. I'm going to start with Bad Fairy's DH.
Next it's off to kick ass on MaddieH's behalf.
Perhaps you can have him stay
Perhaps you can have him stay with your parents on a night sometime before the wedding, so he can get to know them better. And I agree with what one poster said, if your parents stayed at your house, that might be easier for him, he has his bed and all his toys.
I really wanted to include SD
I really wanted to include SD (then 5) in our wedding. I thought that she would love dressing up in a pretty dress and being a part of the excitement. Unfortunately we did not consider who's "weekend" it was when we booked the wedding, I think to be fair that they may have even changed schedules between when we booked it the wedding itself. my husband tried asking BM if we could have SD that weekend so that she could be there. She refused. It was BM birthday the day after (a Monday) the wedding and apparently we were really inconsiderate not to consider her when booking our wedding (she was the last thing on our minds). It was absolutely out of the question that BM could spend the weekend before her birthday without SD (whatever). We offered to have SD taken back to be with her on the evening of the wedding so that she'e be there on her mom's birthday...that was a no go.
So we had the wedding without SD. We didn't make a big deal out of it before hand so that she didn't really feel like she missed out. She has seen pictures of the wedding but hasn't yet asked why she wasn't there. When she does we will tell her that her that it was her mom's weekend and that she didn't let us swap. So far it hasn't caused any issues. Yes SD missed out, but we still had a lovely day and it was one less thing to worry about. So if it turns out that your SS can't make it, I wouldn't worry too much it just shows what a manipulative cow BM is and how she puts her own jealousy above her SS enjoying a fun day and feeling a part of your new family.