That is awful. I am so sorry that you feel so isolated. I also moved away from my family and when we had difficulty with SD28 I would just feel so ostracized. It was actually a very scary feeling, having no one to back me up.

I disengaged on Thanksgiving and since then my life has been calm, however, Dh's mother is not speaking to us (me) because SD was not at the Christmas party (she was invited but chose not to show, saying she isn't 'comfortable' at our home). I am just waiting for MIL to reengage because I don't plan to.

DH still sees his daughter but not around me. I spent time after Thanksgiving telling him that I didn't care if she was his princess, I was queen and would be treated as such. I let him know if I was put second again I would leave. And I would.

One thing that always happens is somehow SD brings up BM and her fAmily, who of course hate my guts and makes me feel like I am bystander while they discuss their 'real' family. I don't know if I will ever see SD again but in the event that I do, if she brings up BM and her family I plan to play it one of two ways, I will either ask really uncomfortable questions like if BM has stopped drinking or if SD's grandfather and uncles had been in any drunken brawls lately, or I will start asking really uncomfortable questions about her dating life (she can't keep a guy more than a few weeks). I will be damned if I will be the one thrown off kilter in my own home ever again. Let her feel like the jerk that is being skewered, not me.

I wish your DH would get on board, it just sucks to not have an ally in this situation.

Hang in there and make sure you are ok. Take care of you first.

Hey Lost, you just wrote my entire 16 year marriage. We live in a small town so wherever I go I have to see BM, her family or inevitably someone that knows her and worships her. Luckily the demon moved a couple months ago so it's been quite nice really. Her bratty entitled children don't like us either. I don't care, feeling is mutual. 8 years ago I turned off every single emotion for those children. I didn't care if DH went to every game, every social event, every whatever. My rule was don't come home and tell me anything about it...I want no part. Now, last year I did go to one game with him because, well frankly, I just wanted a day out. His bratty daughter ignored both of us and our children. She is so hateful. Her BM's parents were there and of course they coddle and coo over her. She plays the entire game with no limp, did not get hurt, etc but comes out with ice on her knee just playing it up to the hilt. For the love of God and all that is holy you are such a little manipulative liar! She is JUST the exact replica of her BM. Her BM fakes illnesses, headaches...you name it. They are complete attention whores. How on earth I ever let them get to me 8 years ago I have no idea but I will say that when you turn it off do it fully. I know my boundaries and by God I use them. I even had to tell my mother and close friends, I do not discuss them so please don't bring them up. It was a beautiful thing! Now, there are times it still gets to me. For instance my SS26, who is actually starting to see his BM for who she is, got a girl pregnant. He came to the house, sat BOTH of us down and said to BOTH of us YALL are going to be grandparents. Ok cool. Fast forward a few months. We go to a BBQ at the girl's home. Now mind you I had NO intention of going. That's DH's circus and he can enjoy them. He persuaded me to go. Bad, bad idea. His SD ignored us the ENTIRE time we were there, in fact she sat atop her mother and they were so loud it was obnoxious. BTW, did I mention my DH has never defended me in any situation? Ok, well my DH has never, remember 16 years of bullshit, never defended me. Just remember that. I go into the house to get my son food. BM walked in after me. Looking back now, I should have just grabbed my son and walked out. Well, as luck would have it the girl's mom walks in and I'm basically trapped. They start talking about grandma names and for some reason, to be nice (am I stupid?), they ask me what my grandma name will be, I just said oh no idea and went on. After a few mins the other grandma walks off and I'm alone with the spawn of the devil. I'm pouring a drink for my son. I just flat out asked her why SD was mad. She proceeded to tell me about some made up bullshit about myself, now in hindsight I should have said I'm sorry she feels that way and walked out but after 16 years of her talking smack I lost it rather nicely though. I just told her she was a lying bitch. Shouldn't have come as a big surprise! Well she flew off that barstool enraged. All I could do was giggle a bit. My son had just walked out so I calmly went out the door as well. Kinda funny that she didn't follow me, no she stayed in the house and played the victim card to the other mom. I went outside, got my DH, and my children and we left. What has ensued in our lives in the past 6 mos after that debaucle has been nothing short of turmoil and chaos. His little primadonna showed up that night drunk as a skunk with her then 31 yo bf. She ripped her father to shreds. I recorded the ENTIRE session. This is a man that got full custody of those children in the divorce. She was off galavanting around, being with women, men, blowing off a good job, blowing off her children...I mean just psycho lady...all the while I played mommy to those kids. Yes! I did it ALL. Hair, clothes, dinners, laundry, etc etc etc. and I had a girl aged 5 of my own! So during her little episode in our front yard, my DH tried to calmly explain to her and remind her of all these things. She kept spewing poison and hatred that's all been conjured up over the years from her mother. Not one thing was true...oh except for the part where my DH had been sending her money. Whoa Nellie. I stood up, told my little princess SD to control herself in my yard, get in her car and come back when she was sober so we could discuss things rationally. Eventually her BF put her in the car and they drove off. I immediately went in the house and things have not been the same since. When I found out he had been bankrolling that little B and lied by omission to me, I lost my ever loving shit. We went through a month of daily arguing, of him apologizing, of me screaming at him that he was wrong. I finally was at my breaking point. I don't want this marriage anymore. I was done. I kept saying it over and over. All the while his precious babies, that are number one to him, were calling and feeding him more and more BS about the kitchen incident. I kept reminding him that I was in there a total of maybe 10 mins so all they're cooking up are lies and there was simply not enough time for any of those things to happen!i kept having to remind him of BM's history and look at my history, flawless, dumb ass! OMG...I was so mad. I mean weeks of being angry. Finally, he apologized, saw the errors, saw what he'd done all these years, admitted I'm right about his white trash children and I'm the queen and would be treated as such. He apologized for not defending me, now after 16 years I don't care, obviously I can handle my own but it's nice to know he's on my side. Fast forward to present month. Things have been ok with SS and we've seen the grand baby, even have kept her overnight some. My two younger children love being an aunt and uncle. We don't hear from SD and blocked BM's number. DH did go to senior night at her last game, and just like all the times before even HS graduation he was shunned and humiliated. She had her BM, SF and grandparents called to the floor. Not her father. So very heart breaking. But I guess he enjoys getting hurt because he stayed for the rest of the game. Whatever, I don't go where I am not wanted. I'd have packed my shit and left. Well, the other day I got the mail and lo and behold was an invitiation to her graduation...was it addressed to our family? Nope just DH. I just looked at him. There is a little thing in life called common decency oh and RESPECT. Of which his little entitled brat has neither! I looked at him and just shook my head. I told him this is where he grabs his balls and shoes what a real man does and tell his princess that her lack of respect is no longer tolerated. Of course he can't pick up the phone and call so he emails her. She forwards the email to her brother and BM but never answers the email, of course. Her brother texted and said what's this about? DH explains and asked exactly in detail what exactly we (I) had done to either one of these snowflakes to upset them so? No answer and haven't heard from them since. Whatever, I ain't scared of them! Their little piss ant mentalities and devil BM can all go suck eggs. We want be gracing the floor of any graduation, wedding or baby shower anytime soon. Yes! Baby shower because she did call a few weeks ago to let her father know she's pregnant. No job but she's pregnant. It's ok she's got a degree and her GP's will raise it. NOT these grandparents! OP if I were you, I'd totally turn a blind side to them! Find something else to entertain your thoughts. Do not let her in your head. Someone suggested memorizing the capitals, whatever just don't let her be your thoughts! They are being manipulated and one day they will see the light. During that time, we just have to be patient and let Karma do her thing. It may take awhile or maybe it won't but from my position me pointing out all my SKIDS flaws to my DH just makes matters worse and in some way pushes him closer to them so my strategy is to just play devil's advocate. It makes me want to vomit at the thought of saying nice things about them but I've got two little ones to raise and I don't want them screwed up like their older HB and HS. They already see how bad they are so no need in my mouth egging that on. Stay strong! There are some amazing women and men on this site. I've devoured every bit of info that even pertained a tiny bit to my situation. Good luck to you!!

Out of all your hurt and pain I got this .... I would have restarted the movie and continued to watch it. My life does not revolve around my DH and his kids. And I really like his kids! Stop giving them headroom because they aren't paying any rent for it!

It is hard to deal with this, but just accept your husband is not going to change; his head is messed up; you are thinking logically. Try to get all of this out of your head, easier said then done, and go on with your own life. I liked your thought exclusion and the driveway...just protect yourself from this enmeshed crowd.

I have a feeling that the omission about BM was to spare your feelings because he knows it would upset you. It sounds like he had no ulterior motive to it, just didn't want to upset you. He had no problem telling you when you asked, so he wasn't being sneaky about anything.

I also think he was trying to spare you the upset by picking up the pictures from them in the car vs letting them come inside where you would have to face them. That's why he told the kid that the dogs were sleeping so that no one would come in because he knew it would upset you.

It honestly does seem that your DH is trying to walk the fine line of having a relationship with his family while trying to spare your feelings.

Are your finances separate? If they are then him letting his kids do gift grabbing his all on him. You can be mad that they don't treat him better but I think by now you should accept there's nothing you can say to HIM to make him see they are using him. It's like an addiction, addicts won't sober up unless they want to; he's not going to see it until he wants to. It's a tough pill to swallow-someone taking advantage of someone we care about and value.

As for his lie of omissions...I don't know. I can see it both ways. If my DH "forgot" to mention BM came to his Easter gathering I would be annoyed. (I've learned to always expect BM to show up to everything and simply be pleasantly surprised when she doesn't) but then again he said she only came by just long enough for the kids to snatch up those money eggs so in comparison to the rest of time he spent there, her dropping by was more of a passing thought. I know my DH doesn't really see BM when he sees her. I'll ask him if BM was in work clothes when she picked up SS and he can't remember to save his life. Sometimes they don't register.