Huge meeting tomorrow with BM.. Attend or not??
Ok, so after such a ridiculous amount of drama going on here, finally tomorrow my fiance(FDH) and his MIL and BM are going to have a sit down conversation with regard to BM's behavior
(Again read other blog entries of mine if you want the whole backstory but basically BM calls 10x a day, always is in my FDH's business, had framed pics of FDH and BM all over her house, they have no schedule with my SD5 and MIL sided with me and said BM was intolerable and had to stop, FDH finally agreed with us and then BM told FDH that MIL was talking bad about me to BM)
The 3 of them are going to meet tomorrow and BM also said in her annoying as fuck and manipulative way that if I wanted to also speak with her about anything then I could. I have been wanting to call her out for her behavior since the beggining but had thought that FDH was going to resolve things way better than he has. Now MIL is telling me that I probably shouldnt go to the meeting tomorrow because it will only end in BM causing more drama and maybe us fighting. I cant wait to go to the meeting to call her out to her face and am hoping my FDH will see even more of what a manipulative bitch she is. I am not scared of her at all and I dont really care if she wants to cause drama, I want to go to speak my peace.
What do you guys think????
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I agree with mil, don't go
I agree with mil, don't go let DH man up and mil butt in and you stay out of the meeting. You may want to say a whole lot to her but really it'll just make life worse and then she can even easier try and blame the "changes" all on you. Let mil take the hit for you.
Trully, all you above advice
Trully, all you above advice is true 99% of the time. And if shes already a pain, you going will make it worse, unless you feel you want and are able/willing and wanting to stand up for yourself and beliefs despite her ridicule and the nastiness that will ensue...give your issues to DH and let him speak for both of you. Good Luck!
I think it is counter
I think it is counter productive to involve urself and indicates you give a shit....stay home MIL im sure will be enough
UPDATE!! Ok so I appreciate
UPDATE!! Ok so I appreciate all the advice, I took it all into consideration from both sides and I went to the meeting today. Pretty much everybody was right, ie:
"MIL and FDH are going to "straighten out" BM? Just wait til she turns on the tears.
BM has leverage, because she has the kids. So she's also in a powerful position. Your FDH is the only one who can set some boundaries and expectations for these two women.
The person who needs to change is FDH but none of you want to recognize that. You want to blame BM and accuse her of encroaching boundaries but BM can't overstep something that does not exist."
ALL TRUE! Here is how it went, MIL, FDH and I went to BM's house, first FDH, MIL and BM all spoke for about a freakin half an hour, then me, BM and FDH spoke again for about the same amount of time. (FDH had requested it this way and I agreed, since we were going to discuss the same things but also different specific issues).
I went in calm, knew what I was going to say and went over it beforehand with FDH, made him agree to not disagree with anything that I said so we would be a team. BM had an excuse for everything. Her main excuse for her calls was that FDH doesnt have any idea what he is doing as a parent and I dont help(I have been disengaged on the parenting side from the beggining but get along great w SD5) so she always has to call and remind him of everything. She ranted on about how Sd5 needs to wake up and eat at and go to sleep at the same time whether she is at our place or hers. I said regardless of anything she has to respect our privacy and our relationship.
She eventually apologized for the pics in her house, alleges that she didnt realize they were there (BULLSHIT!) And said she wont call anymore. As long as her child is cared for EXACTLY how she does at her house. I (maybe a mistake) told her if that was all she was worried about then I would personally make sure SD5 was fed, bathed, etc. to a resonable degree if that would make her stop calling.
I felt pretty good afterwards coz I said my piece and I proved my point and also said exactly what I think of her to her ugly face. But I feel kind of let down by FDH.
Here are the main problems, FDH didnt say a DAMN WORD practically the entire freaking conversation!!!!! Exept to say that he wishes things didnt have to be like this, that she should call him if Sd5 is sick or hurt, and also to say that the pics were not there before because he had been there before and they werent there.
We have yet to discuss things only FDH and I because we took Sd5 after the meeting. Is this a lost cause or what?
ps- he does not wish to seek counseling although I offered to pay for it even. I did not insist but might try asking again...
yes MIL is FDH's own mother,
yes MIL is FDH's own mother, and yea maybe he is a gutless loser considering I finally just now had a 2 minute talk with MIL and FDH to find out how they felt about the encounter, and it went like this:
MIL to FDH: I think she will finally stop calling now, how did it go with the 3 of you when I wasnt in the room?
FDH to his mom: I didnt say anything the whole time, lostinbrazil and BM talked about BM's calling but lostinbrazil also called BM a drama queen and is exaggerating about how many times she really calls, its not 10x a day more like 3 or 4.
Me: Excuse me? so how do you really feel about the situation? Do you feel better now or what?
FDH: I told you from the beggining I didnt want this situation and I dont want to talk about it anymore. We did this because you asked me to.
Me: WHAT??? I specifically made it very clear that if YOU agreed with me then WE as a team would fix the problem but if you liked it how it was then I would not attend the meeting, and I will make my own decisions about staying or leaving from there. YOU told me you were on my side, are you denying that now????? :jawdrop: :jawdrop: :jawdrop:
FDH: I dont want any drama or negativity in my life and that is what this situation is causing (by the way: THIS IS WHAT I SAID TO BM YESTERDAY AT THE MEETING!!!) I didnt have any drama the way it was before. :jawdrop: :jawdrop:
Me: WE agreed everything that was to be discussed so WE could stop her calls because WE agreed thats what we both wanted. Is that not what you wanted??
FDH: Yes, ok, I dont want to talk about it anymore. I just want peace.
I left the room and logged onto here. After all this headway how could her possibly have said that to me???? Once again, 1 step forward, 2 steps back.
F--- MY LIFE!
Yea but the dynamics are all
Yea but the dynamics are all F---ed up and that is why it has gotten to this point. BM still calls MIL her MIL and she told me so. Not her exMIL and they were never even married, they just dated for years. BM goes out of her way to keep deep ties with all of FDH's family and to keep him tied to her family, invites him over, invites his mom over, etc. Yes, FDH should be the one taking care of the ridicoulousness of it all, but I have been thinking all along that he is just clueless and doesnt know whats normal and just wants the easiest way out to be in his daughters life. So he thought if BM runs the show then so be it but I will NOT tolerate that, and I dont think any other respectable woman will. Im trying my best to HELP FDH fix this all and have open communication and thats why I went with him to help him tell BM having pictures of her and my fiance framed in her living room and also her behavior was unacceptable. Maybe I am REALLY stupid and this is all a lost cause. But I am not his girlfriend, we are engaged, there is a HUGE difference in my eyes.
and one more thing, BM is the
and one more thing, BM is the one who called the meeting with MIl and FDH and invited me to go as well (read my original post).
there were split opinions on
there were split opinions on whether I should have gone or not, yes the majority was to not go but I am happy with my decision and my actions. I would have never gone if BM did not invite me and FDH as well.
And as I have reiterated numerous times, I told FDH not to do anything only to please me. Before the meeting he agreed that he also wanted to do it. After the meeting you have seen what our conversation was. I dont want to control anyone, not BM, not FDH and not SD5. BM does. If FDH cant see that or doesnt have the nerve to stand up to her then yea, I will end this. And yea she did say she thinks I am jealous, and I dont really care because jealousy has nothing to do with it. I am not jealous of anything she is or has I am just annoyed she is constantly causing drama and manipulating my fiance.
i posted the same thread in
i posted the same thread in my blog here and there were replies for me to go also. It was split. And I dont think anything here is being done the right way and no I am not happy with the outcome I am just trying to come to terms with the fact that this is probably something I should and will remove myself from. Thanks for the input.
Bottom line on this whole
Bottom line on this whole situation - he still loves the ex. Loves the mother of his daughter. Doesn't mind all of the calls from her. Loves spending time with her family. Doesn't care that you feel uncomfortable with it - at all. Actually, I think he really rather enjoys the attention from you both. Loves being right in the middle of a cat fight.
And now, after the meeting, he is publicly stating that he only did it because you made him. He is stating that you exaggerated everything. And he is stating that you called her a "drama queen", which is what he thinks you are... And he didn't have too much to say during the meeting, although you discussed it before hand.
You fell right into the trap. She looks helpless and beaten up upon. You look like a step-monster bully. This will not end well. I do think you want the best,and love him, but honestly, he is not available to you. He is emotionally taken by this woman, whether he wants to be or not.
i dont understand why did he
i dont understand why did he break up with her becasue he didnt love her anymore 3 years ago yet she still controls him??? it doesnt make any sense to me! i wish i never entered into this relationship. it didnt seem this way from the beggining.