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LochnessStepMonster's picture

Submitted by LochnessStepMonster on Tue, 10/04/2016 - 10:07am

SD7 hit another child with a stick.

We have a roommate with a 7 year old son. Most times SD7 and he play together nicely but it mostly comes down to SD trying to get the boy in trouble for something. She succeeds. I have been disengaged but I had to step in.

The past weeks I have noticed she tries to loud talk the boy to getting in trouble so that his mom hears it. If they are playing with the kitten, you can hear her throughout the house: let meeeee play with it. Let me seeeeeee it. I go back there and tell them to take turns. Then it gets louder. I know I hear the son complaining but he isn't being dramatic about it. My roommate hears it and the little boy gets punished. I report this to DH and he talks to SD.

This Sunday she hit him with a stick. I jumped in but DH says he will handle it. His version of handling it was confronting both kids and asking who hit who. This would be effective it if wasn't for the fact that SD said he hit her first. But I SEE scratches on him. I don't see anything on her plus she cries everytime she gets a bug bite. So I know she is lying. She has lied on other kids saying they hit her first when she has always been the instigator.

So DH tries to arbitrate 'fairly' and says no one should hit anyone with a stick and lets that be that. No, nope, not at all. I know that if she came back crying to him about being hit with a stick he would be flaming red mad and would want to yell at a kid.

I looked right at SD and told her that she is getting off easy. There will be no more hitting anyone with anything and that the next time I hear anything like that my justice will be swift. You will say your yes ma'ams and no sirs in my house. You will treat people kindly or you will pay the consequences. She seemed to understand.

I don't know why she is not reverently afraid of her dad but she seems to have a good fear of me. She quickly squeaked out a yes ma'am to me.
All she has ever done under my watch is stand in the corner until she could remember why she was in the corner or washed my walls and baseboards. Nothing crazy.

Comments

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Tue, 10/04/2016 - 10:22am

SD isn't afraid of her dad because his 'punishment' is all fluff. YOU actually give consequences.

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

Submitted by NoWireCoatHanga... on Tue, 10/04/2016 - 10:22am

I have a 7 year old. I have friends with 7 year olds that hit and I make dang sure that my 7 year old knows that I absolutely will never ever tolerate hitting anyone!!!!!!!!! If I get any inkling that violence is about to go down, they hear very loudly and firmly, "WE DO NOT HIT IN THIS HOUSE!" and when my friend's kids come over that are 7 and hit each other, I again in front of my kids, "I dont care what you do in your house but WE DO NOT HIT IN THIS HOUSE! and if there is even a threat or a hint of hitting, you won't come back here to play!"

and so they'll hit all day long at my friend's house, but they don't hit at my house cause I'm like you. This aggression will not stand man. Over this line, you do not cross! I go all Walter from the Big Lebowski on them. Kids actually like boundaries.

mommadukes2015's picture

Submitted by mommadukes2015 on Tue, 10/04/2016 - 1:33pm

It's amazing what a no nonsense tone can do for you as a parent/step parent.

All I have to say is "excuse me" and SS just looks horrified. I've never yelled at him or really done much other than redirect and explain why certain behaviors/tones aren't acceptable. His father is the same way.

If we ever had to dish out a punishment beyond 'no electronics' I don't know what we'd do.

Right now we just pray it never goes that far Blum 3 Although I have told SS once after an office referral that he will be spending the weekend helping my uncle clean out his potipotties if it ever happens again.

SM12's picture

Submitted by SM12 on Tue, 10/04/2016 - 4:20pm

I think one good way to cure a kid who likes to instigate things is to call them out on the bull immediately.
My DH refuses to do that to his sons.
The youngest will do the same thing...start yelling or screaming the second he isn't getting his way so the older kid gets in trouble.
I called him out on it and punished him (I was the only adult home at the time)
Now he never does that.

When my BS was in grade school he used to be friends with a kid named Cole. Cole was very sneaky.
My BS used to get so angry at Cole he would want to punch him. I finally decided to quietly stand outside the door of his room so I could hear what was going on.
I would hear them playing video games and the whole time they were playing, Cole would whisper to BS that he sucked, he was a terrible player, he was stupid/ dumb, etc.
BS would try to get along and ignore his comments until it finally got too much.
Finally BS grabbed him and put him in a headlock and told him to shut his mouth.
I came in and separated them...Cole acted as if he was the innocent little lamb. I made sure Cole knew that I heard every word he said to BS and that he was no longer welcome in our home if that was how he treated people. BS also got in trouble for putting Cole in a head lock but secretly I was thrilled he finally taught the smart ass a lesson.