OT - My Weekend
So Saturday was my 27th B-Day 
I wake up to a phone call from my BF wishing me a happy b-day. I get up make my daughter breakfast get a call from my BFF wishing me a happy b-day and letting me know that she made me a cake and wanted to cook me dinner that night and have some drinks because she knows that my BF is gone on business. I start cleaning the house and do laundry cause Im sure you all know that doing that while hungover is no fun! So I call my oldest brother and he says he's sorry for not calling first thing in the morning he had to run into work. Doesnt really bother me I mean after all he is a man. He knew my b-day was on the 30th but didnt realize that Saturday was the 30th. So I go over to my BFFs house we have dinner, cake and some drinks. Around 730 i notice that shes irritated and i ask her why and she said that she sent out a mass txt to all our friends and about 15 of them said they were going to be there and i guess they started txting her saying that they were not going to be able to come because they were sick. Some didnt even say anything. So that was annoying that some how 7 of my friends became sick on the same day (yea right) So we decide to go out to a bar and have some drinks the rest of the night is great. THE NEXT MORNING .... My mother finally decides to call ... this is how the conversation goes. Hey what are you doing? I say watching TV what are you doing? She says did you get my message last night? I say no whats up? what did it say? she said i thought today was your b-day not yesterday and I said its the 30th mom not the 31st and she said i know but i thought today was the 30th not yesterday. Then she starts telling me how my brother called her and asked her why she hadnt called me and asked her why she was being mean to me and she says i dont know why you all think i need to answer to you i thought i told you and your brothers that i wasnt dealing with anyones shit this year. I said mother can you please tell me exactly what shit it is that you deal with from me? The fact that i listen to you when you need to talk, that i spend hundreds of dollars on jewelry for you that i buy you whatever you want. I said i did nothing wrong i called my brother to talk to him and he asked if my other siblings had called i said no he asked if you called i said no and she said well see thats the problem right there you guys calling each other up and asking oh have you talked to mom. I said mom your upset that i called my brother? Do you realize how f*ing stupid that sounds and she said do you know how stupid you all are? I said you know what mom F OFF! and hung up. I mean really? Your made at me because you forgot your own daughters b-day. Nice mom. So that on top of lame a$$ fake friends ... greatest B-DAY EVER!!!!! Thanks for reading.
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Happy belated Birthday LMR.
Happy belated Birthday LMR. Your mom sounds a lot like mine. Always the martyr and always deflecting her own insecurities on to others. Don't let it bother you. If all your ST friends were closer we'd be hanging from rafters celebrating! Focus on the positive your bf called and your bff made you dinner and a cake and took you out to the bar, right? Those are the people you focus on going forward. You only have so much to give, give it to people who give back. I've learned a lot these past few months about who I can count on and who I should avoid. And it feels good to make those choices.
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
I just dont get it
I just dont get it soverysad. She is the one that was wrong ... why couldnt she just say that? Im sorry. Two easy words. How do you deal with your mother? Do you talk to her? One of my brothers has already cut my mother off and doesnt talk to her. I am thinking about doing the same. Her VM finally came throught later that day and in her VM she wasnt upset all she said was hey honey sorry i didnt call i just got off the phone with your brother and he reminded me it was your b-day give me a call when you get this. I think that she thought that i was ignoring her? I guess i should have sat at home and waited for my mommy to call me. Yea right.
I often ask myself the same
I often ask myself the same thing. Let me tell you a story about my mother. The day before I had to bury my infant son, my mother called me and yelled at ME because I planned the funeral for a time that was inconvenient for she and my father to pick up my niece. My response was "I really can't deal with this right now. Whether niece can come or not is not my top priority at the moment". She preceded to yell at me that "I always make her the bad guy, etc". I hung up on her, called my brother and let him know that if she started with me the following day my dh would remove her from my home. This was arguably one of the worst days of my life and my mother managed to make it about her. The next day she acted like it never happened. Just like your mom. Up one minute, down the next. It is a mental disorder.
I haven't cut her off because I am not that type of person. My older brother committed suicide 3 years ago (I know my mother's behavior contributed and part of me will never forgive her, but I know she wasn't the sole reason). I can't cut family off because I know what it is like to lose family. BUT I don't put up with her crap anymore either. I hang up or I let her know I am not listening to her martyr act. She is SLLLOOOWWWLLY learning that her guilt trips and ridiculous behavior no longer affects me. The key is to find a place where you realize it isn't you. It is her. She isn't going to change so you need to change how you interact with her. I am 38 and it took me this long and therapy to figure out that her misery is not my problem and I don't have to live with it. Do what is best for you and let her live in her delusional state of ignorance, but please don't let her affect you. That is what she wants. It is a control issue and making you and your siblings feel bad is her way of controlling the entire family's communication. Don't allow it.
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
Im so sorry to hear that ...
Im so sorry to hear that ... you know the sad thing is i can see my mom doing something like that. My brother told me yesterday that if i wanted to talk to my mom again then i would have to call and say i was sorry for telling her to F OFF but i dont feel i need to i feel that she has manipulated all of us and i 100% agree that she is trying to control the family communication but i dont understand why. I would think it would make her happy to know we are all close. So do you wait until you mom calls you? I dont want to make the first step i always swallow my pride to have a relationship with her. I feel like im to old to be fighting with her over stupid stuff. So if your mom would have called you and said i dont know why you guys feel like i need to answer to you all i told you i wasnt dealing with anyones shit this year (knowing that you arent the one that causes her drama and that you arent asking her to answer for anything) what would you have said?
Well, I never apologize.
Well, I never apologize. Neither does she. She simply decides to not be angry anymore and I allow her to pretend it never happened. But I do NOT apologize for standing my own ground. That said, I've also never said "F*ck off". I did once take my father on a 7 day vacation to Yellowstone without her because of her trying to control the terms of the vacation. I told her if she didn't like the way I was planning it, she could stay home. She said fine (fully expecting me to beg her to go at the last minute). Dad and I went and had a great time. She was pissed for several months, but one day she just called me and said "hey, what are you doing?". Just like that, it was over.
I think you have three options. 1) let her get over her stewing (how did she react to your brother cutting her off?) and call you or 2) call her and pretend it never happened or 3) acknowledge that what you said was wrong, but that you will not apologize to her for her forgetting your bday (apologize for the delivery, but not the message).
I am sure she is needling the rest of your family to make you look bad and they're all going to tell you to apologize because it causes more stress for them if you don't. Don't let that be your problem. Let them fend for themselves. If they're willing to let her act like a spoiled child. Let them, but don't let them guilt you into doing the same.
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
I agree that i should not
I agree that i should not have said that to my mother but i did ... she pretends that she doenst care that he wont take her calls but she does. She tried telling me and my brothers that we couldnt talk to him anymore but we told her that, that was just not going to happen because he is our brother. I guess ill just wait for her to call me then. Thank you for talking to me. Its nice to know that not only do i have you on here to relate to my BM/SKID issues but your moms crazy like mine. Makes me smile HA HA HA
Misery LOVES company. I
Misery LOVES company. I love my mother in all her lunacy, but she sure doesn't make it easy. The good news is that I can predict every move Wingnut makes because I lived with her personality my entire life.
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
LMR, I'm sorry that you're
LMR, I'm sorry that you're mother decided to give you a big bag of her own guilt for your birthday. That's messed up. You should pick a night and have a do-over with your BF when he's back in town, just the two of you. Happy Birthday! I hope you enjoy round 2.
You know ... that is a
You know ... that is a really good idea. I think I will do that. Thank you.
Happy belated Birthday. I
Happy belated Birthday.
I don't know the whole background and maybe your Mom sucks, but the way you wrote your post makes you seem very self entitled. Then she does call you after she finds out she lost a day and leaves you a message and you get pissy with her. She forgot what day of the month it was, SO WHAT.
If my mother had called and said I didn't realize what day it was...I would've said thats OK, I missed YOUR CALL TO ME b/c BFF and I went out and blah, blah, blah. Not lecture her on the day of the month it was and then cuss her out and hang up.
I have adult kids and if they cuss or are disrespectful to me on the phone, I HANG UP ON THEM and wait until they can call me and talk in a civilized manner.
I strongly disagree. She
I strongly disagree. She had problem with her mother calling late. Her BROTHER asked her why she was being mean to LMR (not LMR) and then said mother took it out on LMR and started yelling at her. LMR never once complained that the call was late. When you're dealing with this type of mother it doesn't matter what you say because they're pissed off about something that has nothing at all to do with you and they will yell according to their script regardless of what you say.
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
Here is the kicker soverysad
Here is the kicker soverysad i talked to my brother and he said that he didnt even say that. All her said to my mom was have you talked to LMR today I feel like crap cause my sister called me on her b-day and it should have been the other way around. My brother never even asked her why she was being mean to me. I know my brother is the one telling the truth in this situation. As i said her VM that she left after she talked to my brother was fine. She got mad cause she thought that i was ingoring her call. I think she is projecting her own guilt because for some unknow reason that last few weeks she has been ignoring a lot of my calls and then not calling back so i call her again no answer no phone call return then she answers and then its what do you mean why havent i called ive been busy, But you see what happens when we dont answer her phone calls?
I think you nailed it! My
I think you nailed it! My mother changes conversations too. She feels guilty and in order to justify her rage she comes up with a scenario that she thinks makes it okay to be mean.
"they're coming to take me away, ha ha, they're coming to take me a way, hee hee, to the funny farm!"
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
LOL Im so glad that you
LOL Im so glad that you understand! I have delt with her for 27 years so i know what she is like. You are 100% correct she justifys her anger by making things up.
She shouldn't have had a
She shouldn't have had a problem with Mom calling late. Maybe Mom was sick, busy or FORGOT THE DAY. But then Brother sticks his nose into it.
LMR didn't complain the call was late, but when Mom said I got my days mixed up, the adult thing to do is say that OK Mom, I didn't get your msg but was blah, blah and it didn't come thru. But LMR said Mom my bday is X day and that was yesterday and blah, blah, blah. And then it seemed to escalate from there.
I just wouldn't have made it an issue with my Mom. I also don't make a big issue of my Bday either, I have had many disappointments in my 47 yrs...so I just take it as it comes.
It sounds like you see it
It sounds like you see it from my mothers point of view which is great. Thats one of the awesome things about getting other peoples point of view. I dont much care about my b-day either i dont expect gifts but call me crazy i do expect my mother of all people to acknowladge me on the day i was born. My mother would have stoped talking to me if i didnt buy her a nice present never mind not even call. I forgot would not have been a good excuse to my mother. I tend to hold people to a standard and if i am held to a high standard then so should that person. Does that make sense. My mom wouldnt be ok with me doing that to her so why should it be ok for her to do it to me.
I have a hard time writing
I have a hard time writing things i speak better i promise
I wasnt upset with her. Did it sting a little that no one in my family called me on my birthday of course it did. I dont see it as self entitled that i expect my mother to wish me a happy birthday just as she expects it from me could just be me. I did not get her message until around 5pm the next day as the cell reception in my area isnt that good. What i was trying to convey in my message was she got upset with ME because MY BROTHER asked her why she didnt call me. I didnt say anything about it. SHE is the one that started with the attitude about how she didnt need to answer to me or my brother. I never asked her too neither did he. SHE got upset that i told my brother she hadnt called yet. Let me say that again. She got upset that i told my brother she hadnt called yet and i told her that i thought that was stupid then she called me stupid. You are correct when you say you dont know the whole background. A recent example ... I bought my mother a new dish set (2nd set is 2 months) i ordered it on-line she picked the pattern and i bought it. I called her that night to see if she liked them becuase UPS sent me the notification that it had been deliverd. She didnt answer the phone. I tried calling her for two days with no answer and no call back when i finally did get a hold of her would you like to know what her reason was that she had not talked to me? the dish set i had gotten her was plastic i clicked the wrong button when i ordered the set. So instead of telling me that it was the wrong ones she got mad that i got her something such CHEAP QUALITY. Talk about self entitles right? My mother doesnt like when me and my siblings talk because she gets caught in lie's and cant pit us against each other. I know to you that might sound unreal and it is. Thank you for your post.
AAAH, the conspiracy that
AAAH, the conspiracy that you must have done it on purpose to hurt her!! My mother thinks everything everyone says or does has something to do with her somehow. OMG, if it weren't so infuriating and hurtful it would be funny. To those of you who don't understand LMRs problem - think of the Mrs. Barone on Everybody loves Raymond. Always hurt feelings, rude, snide remarks, conspiracies everywhere.
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
LOL Mrs Barone .... that is
LOL Mrs Barone .... that is so true. At least she doesnt mind that her sons talk LOL
Then I apologize since there
Then I apologize since there is more background. Yes I believe just about anything with mothers after reading SM boards. Believe me, I don't want to cause any grief on here, we've had enough.
If she is so difficult then it would be best to disengage and remove yourself from the situation quickly. When she started getting angry with you, then you make an excuse and get off the phone. Or best to not take her calls at all....instead of nice presents, give a gift card or a prepaid VISA card. You can use the same tools you use as a SM in about any sitch.
I'm sorry I posted what I did. The tone of the post definately was more you were at fault.
Its ok you dont have to
Its ok you dont have to apologize ... I know that you dont know my mother and all the background and its hard to give it all in one post