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LMR120's picture

So you guys ready for this one? So some of you who have read my post know that my BF pays his BM around $1,400 a month in daycare and CS. Mind you she lives about 15 minutes away and fought with him for 2 yrs over custody. She didnt want him to have any. So my BF just got a new job making twice the money he was before and an old mutual friend of theirs ran into her and she was talking to this guy about how he got fired from his last job (he did not) and that if he even attempted to get a new job at said company her best friend works there and would tell her about it! LOL ... here is my thought on that. Maybe if you put half the energy into being a parent as you do stalking your ex husband maybe your kids wouldnt be stealing, lying and whining all day long. So we plugged his new paycheck vs her paycheck in the DISA calculator and even if the custody was to change to true 50/50 (right now he has 26%) he would still have to give her over 2K. So I asked him yesterday why he thought that she was asking about his new job and he said that he beleives %100 that she is going to re-file for child support. So its kind of annoying to know that no matter what me and my BF do to better our lives we are going to drag that scab up with us.

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LMR120's picture

I know its just crazy. My BF and his ex bifrucated their divorce so when we got together they were still going through a costody battle (i know i should have ran) but some of the stuff that happend during their divorce i swear to you should be illegal. I am all for men supporting their children but just because someone takes a step up in the world doesnt mean they should drag their ex with them. For those who feel that the children should benifit from their father doing better in life lets keep it real i can promise you that my BF ex is not spending anywhere close to $1,400 a month on the kids. Its paying her rent and car payment and i dont care who you are thats wrong. She doesnt help us pay bills when the kids are with us.

Mrs Katch 22's picture

"i can promise you that my BF ex is not spending anywhere close to $1,400 a month on the kids. Its paying her rent and car payment and i dont care who you are thats wrong."

HAHAHA....SOOO TRUE!!! IT SUCKS!!! BM got a new car, lives with parents, had another kid with another guy (lol, dh asked her if she was going to marry him, she said it hasn't come up)...you'd think that for #2, she would of come to her senses right?

LMR120's picture

I dont know what it is about some of these BMs but they are fit for straight jackets i promise if someone were to evalute them they would haul them off.

Milomom's picture

Until these BF's/DH's start banning together and contacting the lawmakers in their states, unfortunately this problem will never change. I, too, am all for a PARENT (man or woman) supporting their kids. However, as many of you know, I feel that sometimes CS has become "legalized embezzlement", especially in our state (NY). Actually, I looked up the law in NY as well as the case law in NY. The law is CRYSTAL CLEAR that ALL PARENTS are charged with the responsibility of supporting their children. The law DOES NOT state that BM's MUST have 100% custody while the fathers MUST PAY 100% of their support. It is BOTH parents responsibility, so WHY OH WHY do some women have this attitude that it's the FATHER'S responsibility to PAY, PAY, PAY...ESPECIALLY when the custody is shared 50/50!! I get so sick of the double-standard and I'M A WOMAN!! Why is it that if ONE parent is considered the "breadwinner", that for purposes of CS in NY, that parent is deemed to be the NCP?!? All this does is FORCE the breadwinner parent (usually the father) to PAY through the nose and ENCOURAGES MOST OF THESE BM'S to sit home and be dependent upon baby daddy for $$! The system in NY, IMO, discourages these BM's from going out & getting a job, getting an education to lead them to a career, because it's easier for them to just COLLECT! It's very similar to the welfare & unemployment systems in this country - it all needs a good overhaul!!

I apologize to those BM's on ST that AREN'T like this, and don't take $$ from their ex-H's just because they CAN if they wanted to. I don't mean to offend, but when I hear about some of these astronomical amounts that these BM's are collecting monthly, it makes me sick. It doesn't help them, it just makes them more dependent. They will never feel the need to be independent if they are just handed this $$. Sorry, 50/50 joint custody should result in NO CS DUE TO EITHER PARENT...PERIOD!!!

No parent should be able to profit from the other parent's subsequent successes. Oh, and please don't preach about things like "well, if the father is doing well financially, so should the kids benefit from it." THEY ARE!! In a 50/50 custody situation, those dads are SHELLING IT OUT BIG TIME - they are supporting, in effect, TWO HOUSEHOLDS and they are spending additional $$ on the skids out of their guilt for the divorce, for the breakup of the "family unit" and for all the extra expenses it takes to raise the kids in your own household 50% of the time. Why isn't a 50/50 JOINT custody Dad receiving CS from BM then? Fair is fair...and the CS system in NY is UNFAIR and needs a TOTAL OVERHAUL - STAT!!

LMR120's picture

I couldnt not agree with you more. My BF is helping with both our current household and his old one. My Ex does not pay me CS becuase we have true 50/50 custoday. We do week on week off. I agree that if the custody is 50/50 then why are the men paying. My BF has 50/50 physical custody but then they took a % and said it was 26% how does that even make sense. What I think should happen is unless you can prove the other parent unfit custoday shouldnt even be somehting brought up in a divorce it should be automatic 50/50.