Any Suggestion

So as Im sure most of you can guess I have issues with my skids. They are probably some of the worst kids that I have come across because thier mother does not dicipline them. My boyfriend and I were talking on Monday and I asked him if he enjoyed having his kids and the house and he was honest and said no. Its of course not becuase he doesnt love them he does but the whole dynamic of the house changes when they are there and you can feel the stress and soon as they come through the door. He sees them every 1, 3, 5 weekend of the month and has a Wednesday overnight. His Ex works on the weekends some times so he has them then also, so we can go three weekends in a row with them and of course I do not look forward to the weekends we have them. What would be awesome is if he stoped taking them all together. Isnt that horrible? So ... any other suggestions?

LMR120's blog
Log in or register to post comments

Comments

Force BM to follow the

Force BM to follow the visitation schedule. BF's time is BF's time and BM's time is BM's time.

Make BM parent per the court order.

That should solve most of the issues.

IMHO of course.

Welcome to the community.

Best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)

Well we talked about not

Well we talked about not taking them on the weekend that she works but if we dont take them then she has to hire a babysitter and then he would have to pay $50 every time she worked a weekend. Its not that we dont have the money but she already get about $1400 a month as it is.

Why does bf have to pay for

Why does bf have to pay for sitters on top of CS?

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

Fathers have to pay half

Fathers have to pay half daycare expenses if daycare is a required in order for the mother to work. It is like half medical expenses, it is on top of CS.

I would just keep the kids. Start taking there stuff away for misbehavior--they will learn very quickly that there are rules at dads.

In most family court

In most family court jurisdictions the NCP is responsible for half of daycare expenses to facilitate CP employment. My SS's BioDad pays half of daycare costs for the Skid. This usually is enforcable until the Skid reaches age 13 when most courts consider a child old enough to be home alone after school.

When the kid reaches age 13 either party can request an ammendment of CS to get the daycare portion of CS reduced.

At least this is how it works in my Skid's case.

Best regards,

I don't disagree about

I don't disagree about paying (sharing the cost) for daycare while the parent works so that they can earn a living, BUT in my state, babysitters are not licensed daycare and my dh doesn't have to pay for babysitters just because Wingnut works at night. The courts let her know that IF she worked during the workweek during the day, daycare would be split, but choosing unconventional hours doesn't make dh responsible for sitters because she doesn't work during school hours.

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

because in there divorce

because in there divorce papers her lawyer got it put in there that they split child care 50/50 but hers has a cap of 375 a month for child care so he pays her almost a grand in child support and around 400 in daycare cost. Gotta love it right?

I am a father of 2 , kids

I am a father of 2 , kids are now 18 -21 , but when they were young and I didn't live with them , I helped pay for the things kids need and if they were not with me and needed day care , then I helped pay for it .. We forget that kids cost $$ , just because we split as adults the kids don't have that choice , so as a parent we share responsibilities to our kids ...
Unfortunately your Now partner has kids with someone else and he should NOT forget his role to care or give care to those kids ..
Being a step parent is NOT easy , at times it sucks ..
Just know I am a kid of a dead beat Dad , My Dad wasn't around for me at all and I am now in my 40's , even tho I did not live in the same house hold with my kids , I refused to let them grow up without their Dad as what happened to me ..
I Now am on the other end of the stick and am involved with someone who has kids , 2 girls at that , ( 11 & 15 yrs old ) and its NOT easy being the step Parent role here , so I can say I understand both sides of your issue ..

Good luck !

Rich, I applaud your

Rich,

I applaud your perspective and taking an active role as Dad do your kids even though you were evidently the NCP. I also applaud the role you are taking as StepDad to your GF's daughters.

Regardless of the prefix we posses as parents (Step or Bio) we are parents and it is our responsibility to set the example, actively parent and strive to raise our (S)kids to viable adulthood. One thing is for certain. Kids don't raise themselves and they should not have to.

By the way. Welcome to the community. I hope you find it a good place to vent, contribute and access some useful experiences from other Sparents.

Best regards,

I agree 100% and my BF does

I agree 100% and my BF does a great job supporting his children emotionally and money wise. He gives his EX $1,400 a month for child support and day care as it is. Its not his weekend with them she choses to go to work and he has to pay the day care. I think she can take that $50 out of the $1,400 she already gets. Why be greeding. Stop trying to bleed us dry.

Rags - thanks for the

Rags - thanks for the welcome , an ya , this is a great place for Venting ... It helps me to talk with someone who doesn't take sides to my thoughts or feelings , it keeps the peace while expressing whats bothering . .
Its funny how we can easily get ourselves into certain messes but can't seem to find any way to get out . . .

Rich that is a really

Rich that is a really fantastic way to describe your reason for coming here...I like it!

"It helps me to talk with someone who doesn't take sides to my thoughts or feelings , it keeps the peace while expressing whats bothering . ."

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." ~Judy Garland

Hi BBB , thanks for your

Hi BBB , thanks for your input .. any & every bit helps .. its funny when I found this site , I read quite a few before I written any , and I was shock to realize how many women were here expressing what they're going thru as SP's and I never realized how many women experience what guys do in this same position as SP's . . . I guess women are more Opt to seek help or answers before a guy would , so that could explain more women on here then guys , which Now thru the power of the internet it may make that easier for more guys to want to seek answers an still feel Manly with themselves ..LOL I don't know .. I am just being me , I have questions and sometimes No experience at something we need to ask , is how I feel about it ..

lol, oh how I WISH my

lol, oh how I WISH my husband would get on the whole, "ask for help" bandwagon. He's a stepdad too and I know he's struggling to find his place in that role. All of his friends are "happily(*snort*) hitched" to their first wives still so he's the odd man out.

I'm glad you're here and I hope it encourages more gentlemen to stop by...it's nice to get the male perspective in the midst of all this estrogen

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." ~Judy Garland

well if I could lend a male

well if I could lend a male point of view , just ask away and I will let you know how I might react or respond to any such situation ...
if this helps - I feel with these sites , we (men ) can do the counseling thing without having to leave home -First .. Second - For me , instead of some step by step book analogy from a counselor , we can get real life examples from other real human beings experiencing similar if not the same kind of situations and can use these sites to just Vent or get advise on what or how to deal with what where going threw ..
One can't go to a priest for Family advise if the priest hasn't experienced having his own Family .. Just doesn't make sense ..
So for me , that hold true to seeking advise from someone who gives me answers from a book he had to read to get the title " Counselor " specially if he or she doesn't have kids , or Step kids of there own ..

Make any sense ?

Makes perfect sense

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." ~Judy Garland

If you have the money, pay

If you have the money, pay for half of the babysitting on her time...in the end it is a small price to pay for your own sanity!!! It will eventually wear down your own relationship if you are already having a hard time with it.

You are here

Comments