That's how long it took to set this up. I wanted a space where I could log on and write my thoughts whenever I feel like it. I wanted it separate from the rest of my life. It took half an hour to find a suitable venue and set up my space.

This morning I'm pissed. Well, I've been mostly pissed all weekend. I've been straightening up the house. Because if you come here, and if you bring *her* here, you're both going to see a place that you couldn't possibly earn for yourself. In your case, you had it given to you free. You walk away to live in basically squalor, for the second time now, just to avoid growing up and being responsible. Do you think I have any feelings at this point about that other than anger at your complete ingratitude, and pity for you that life is going to make clear to you slowly and painfully what we were trying to teach you first in the easy way, and then in the direct way? You simply don't want to learn.

Actually, I do have one other emotion. I think it's pretty funny how deluded you are.

Everybody says all teenagers are like that, they all think they know everything. To some degree they all do. But not like you. Not to the pigheaded, stubborn degree that they'd rather seriously f*** themselves over than meet the simplest, most minimum of requirements. *That's* you.

You don't want to be here because things are different now? You're g**d****d right. They're different now for a number of reasons. For one, because the way they were before made you the way you are now - ungrateful, unthinking of others, motivated only by your own short term comfort, and completely unable to exhibit any sort of long term self discipline. You made it very clear that you have serious character issues when you bailed out the first time. Did you really think that things would go back to the way that they were - the way that *made* you that way? You pushed it to the point where it was completely obvious that what we were doing would never lead you to be responsible and develop self discipline and personal pride. Of *course* things had to change - you *made* it that way!

And how about the fact that after we put you first in everything and made the whole world revolve around you, you stabbed us in the back? Then you come back - not because you realized you were wrong, but because you were so disrespectful and arrogant with her that *she* couldn't stand it either, and *asked* us to take you back - you come back under those circumstances, and you think that things are going to go back to the way they were? Here's a clue - even if we were so stupid that things were going to go back to the way they were in the long term, which we're not, as I've explained above - things were *never* going to go back to the way they were in the short term. And although I know it's really impossible for you to grasp, 7 weeks is *short* term.

We were furious at you the first time - I know you think we were just crying into our coffee dying to have you back, but as I told you and as you can't seem to believe, you have it wrong. We were furious, and we didn't want you to come back. We took you back because stability is what's best for you and we're best able to provide that. We took you back because, although you've entirely *failed* to follow our example, we take our responsibilities very seriously. And it is our responsibility to be good parents. So we allowed you to come back. And you think it would be just "happy, happy, joy, joy"?

As I said, it wasn't going to go back the way it was even in the long term. In the short term, you should have realized things were going to be pretty m****f***ing unpleasant. But since you don't realize other people have wants and needs and feelings and you think yours are the only ones that matter, you're surprised that we're not feeling especially lovey-dovey towards you. You thought a few weeks of faking it would fix things right up. Well, you were given additional privileges when you brought your grades higher - but you continued to show a lack of comprehension that there is a problem with your overall approach and your overall attitude. And we're not stupid enough not to see that. So no, you don't get things "back to normal" while you're still demonstrating that you have serious issues. And no, the lectures don't stop until you get the point and make changes.

So you can't take it anymore and you walk out again? You just proved our point. You can't comprehend the fact that we have done the best job we could possibly do to teach you the right things, and it is *you*, not us, who is failing to demonstrate a responsible attitude and a decent work ethic. You just proved it all over again.

At the end of the day you can whine about whatever you want - the *objective reality* - not your OPINION - shows that you have consistently failed to do well unless constantly prodded and harped on by us. Say whatever you like, that is the truth and I can prove it with a hundred examples. You think the problem is us harping. We think the problem is your character, which makes the harping necessary. You're wrong. We're right. We were the first time, and we are now.

You can run to her. And if she takes you, she's simply proving she cares more about herself than about you. She can't provide a stable environment for you or provide you with the resources you need to experience the things you want to do during high school. She can't provide you with the structure you need in order to develop self discipline and responsibility (and don't go there - you DON'T already have those things, don't make me prove it). If she cared about you having the best environment, and if she cared about developing your character, she'd tell you to suck it up and grow up. But she's just like you. She cares about how she feels right now, and whether what she's doing is right or wrong doesn't matter. She's *exactly* like you. And you'll grow up to be *exactly* like her. Good luck with that.

And BTW, as I've told you, *if* a judge lets you go with her, which is very improbable if she doesn't have a stable job or an apartment with a bedroom for you, keep in mind that once you leave school, you're not entitled to your father's money. And she can't support you without it. Again, good luck with that.

You say you tried so hard to do what we asked you to do. You feel like we're just *so, so* hard on you. Why do I have to ask you everything 3 or 4 or 5 times? Why do I have to tell you the same things over and over and over? There are two possibilities - either you're handicapped, or you're simply not trying nearly as hard as you think you are.

Let me explain something to you: when I tell you 30 or 40 times that when mixing a pitcher of Kool-Aid in order to avoid little powder clumps and stains all over the pitcher you need to add a little water and stir to mix the powder and then fill it the rest of the way, and I continue, after 30 or 40 times of patiently explaining this to you, to see red explosions all over the top of the pitcher, it makes me furious. Not because of the f***ing pitcher. Because the fact that you continue to ignore what I've explained to you SCREAMS volumes about your attitude.

One: you think you know best about everything, and that your opinion at 15 is the equal of those of your parents. Two: you approach every task wanting to get it done as soon as possible, not to get it done correctly.

Example - the f***ing cat litter boxes that you supposedly crushed for recycling. Here's a hint - stomping on the boxes is not the correct approach. I have to remind you over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over that breaking down the cardboard is one of the (very few) responsibilities that you have in the house. Then when you finally go do it, you don't do it right. Probably because getting the scissors, cutting the tape, and flattening the box properly would require a lot more effort than stomping on them like a gorilla. And BTW - they're not even flat when you do that. How macho - the cat litter boxes won.

You tried so hard. That's hysterical. You know what? I broke down all the cardboard that was sitting in the front room in less than half an hour yesterday, and I did it right. The couple of boxes in the little hallway in back took me less than another 15 minutes this morning. Since all of that stuff had been there for weeks (hmmm - don't remember the last time we had Pizza Hut, and we got the new TV over two months ago), how hard can you have been trying seeing as it was all still sitting there?

I even flattened and disposed of the cardboard and the insert from the cologne set that you bought something like a month ago. You took your new things, then threw the packaging down on a pile of stuff in the hallway for somebody else to deal with.

And you say you were trying hard? And you say you're not self-centered?

Let me clue you in to something else - when you do the dishes to try to get me not to notice that you're not doing the things that you're *supposed* to be doing - that doesn't help. If you did the dishes on top of having all your things done, I'd be impressed. When you do the dishes to distract me from the fact that you *don't* have your things done, that's the same as calling me stupid.

Plenty more to say, but no time right now - later...