We always make seperate appointments. We have never had a teacher deny us a different time slot. DH usually will contact the teacher a week ahead of time and say something like " My wife and I are really interested in whats going on with SS, however we have found in the past if we meet with BM and the teacher at the same time, there is a lot of tension and focus on SS is usually lost. We prefer to meet with you seperately so both my wife and I and my ex wife feel more comfortable sharing our thoughts about SS openly" I assume most teachers would rather deal with divorced parents on their own anyway, who needs the drama??

Save the drama for the mama! I don't do school confrences. Teachers could care less if I was there AND the less I have to deal with BM the better. I'm concerned about my skids, but he can give me a recap - if you want details, he can make copies and bring them home. DH doesn't go to my kids school confrences either.

DH is a big boy, let him do it himself. You can still play a role but don't do something you don't feel comfortable doing.

Its unfortunate... but sometimes doing seperate conferences is just how it has to be.

I do conferences together with my ex-dh (my daughter's dad) but we're really good friends.

With my son's dad, we do seperate conferences because it just works out better that way.

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned"
-Budda

We ALWAYS do separate conferences! DH doesn't want to be in the same room with her any more than I do. I've also told you about the intelligence this woman has so she basically just sits there like a pile of poo while the teacher addresses her like she's a good parent. They soon come to learn who REALLY takes care of SD11 and they start contacting DH or myself ASAP.

With that being said I don't attend them anymore because I got tired of the teacher's looking at me like I had no right to be there. They always realize during the year that I play a very pivotal role in SD11's life. DH doesn't go with me to BD12's meetings but does BS6 because he's ours together.

Some people are like slinkies...not really good for anything but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs!

BM can insist all she wants, doesn't mean you have to do it. I imagine it makes the teacher uncomfortable, with the tension in the room. Not to mention if the "psycho" is taking focus off SD there is no point of going to the conference at all! DH needs to tell her that next year he IS setting up seperate appointments. If she doesn't like it, oh well. Oh and we never tell BM that we are setting up a seperate appt, we just do it, she probably has no idea we go at all. Ignorance is Bliss

**How seldom we weigh our neighbors in the same balance as ourselves. ~Thomas à Kempis**

As a teacher, I can tell you that we (teachers) sense tension among parents the second you walk through the door. I've actually had divorced parents verbally abuse one another in my presence and have had to call the principal to come remove them from the conference. In that situation, the BM sounds like your husband's ex! That psychotic woman was so intent on placing blame on the ex husband that it was quite clear from her words and actions that she was at fault for her child's shortcomings. I'm sure your DH's ex comes across to the SD's teachers in the same way. IMHO, if the teacher has any experience at all, she wouldn't allow either party to trash talk either parent and would keep the focus on the student. Taking sides, allowing such banter, or trying to mediate a verbal boxing match between blended families isn't her job. I'd rather slide push pins under my nails than have to be subjected to that! I deal with it enough in my own home.

BTW, I don't conference with my DH about his son and he doesn't go to my DD's conference. Unfortunately, I teach in the school in which he attends so I get an earfull weekly about what he HASN'T done rather than what he has done so I can understand where you're coming from about your SD.

Good luck at conferences!

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

of you and DH. Go separately. Our ex wife will talk as if she is the only parent that follows up with homework and such.. HOWEVER, the teachers call here regardless of where the skids are, I will say... they are at the BM's.. teachers have said yeah, well that's not going to help. I get the skinny and then I send Dh and BM ( I love it) an email explaining what the teachers concerns are.

I have gone to conferences with BM and DH.. BM makes a fool of herself. We rather go with out her.

Actually for the past 3 years she does not even go...

I agree with the others, separate works best. This is not BM's choice. You and DH have every right to meet with the teacher for a conference, or any other time. Just sign up for a separate time slot. That's what we do, and we've never had any problem with this from the teachers. I actually think the teachers prefer it because they feel the tension too when you're all there. They don't want to be in the middle.