Prepping SS22 to Leave!!
So, yesterday I told DH that his comment at counseling was worrying me.
DH had always told me when SS graduates college, he'd be on his way, on is own, out. I have been holding on to that because this kid, although a very nice person, is lazy and piggish. He does nothing for his father and takes advantage of him. He goes to school full time, works part time, and pays the cable and internet bill. So he's not totally useless, but the fact that he pees all over the toilet bowl, uses my crap without permission, leaves a mess in the kitchen, keeps a pigsty for a room and has his girlfriend stay over every weekend for their weekly fuck-fest (sorry)--- well those things bother me. Nice guy or not!
So at counseling, DH tells the counselor that SS22 will flying the coup in a year, as in next October. OMG. I know it may seem like only 4 more months, but it's FOUR MORE MONTHS OF ALL THAT BULLSHIT.
I tried to talk to DH about it yesterday and he blew a fuse. I really don't like arguing. I can actually talk things out without being condescending, belittling, loud, snotty. blah blah blah! But DH loses it!!!
In an earlier entry, someone gave me some advise about how to approach DH about the subject. Basically, tell DH that his son needs him in making this crucial transition and that with a little guidance, his son can actually be on his own and be successful. This is how I phrased it, but DH heard, "Kick your son out of the house!" Oh well.
We argue for about two hours because before he realizes his son has done nothing to prepare to be on his own: doesn't save money, hasn't been networking for a job, hasn't decided if his GF is serious or not -- nothing.
After calming down, DH realizes I'm right. Meets SS22 for a talk and sets him straight. Now SS has to give DH $1000 today, which will be put in a CD for safekeeping and then 15% of each paycheck for savings. SS also has to visit with college reps to inquire about creating resumes and job placement initiatives.
I know my DH is sad about his SS leaving the house soon. SS was with DH when the ex left. SS has been his right hand for at least three years. SS never left his dad and supported his dad while he suffered the divorce.
I hope we can get this kid to have a smooth, successful transition.
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DH & I have had these talks,
DH & I have had these talks, and he gets defensive. For some reason he doesn't see this as a natural progression. It really should be a joyous occasion. Seriously, from the mind of a young adult: How exciting!!
When my own daughter was turning 18 she was itching to have her own apartment, but helpless and didn't think she could afford it. We started by looking at apartments in the area where she worked and determined rent and living expenses. From there we rolled the numbers. Came up with the figure that she needed to live and save. She received all kinds of second hand household items from various extended family members... We did it together... as a family. Helped her move, helped her clean, trips to the dollar store.. The first year I guided her on finances, taxes, insurance... public transportation. All kinds of adult-need-to-knows. Lessons that weren't taught during the tumultuous teen years.
It is fun watching her grow up. She has been having so many "firsts". Last year she moved to a duplex that has a yard and brick patio... and an eat in kitchen..good bye galley!! She bought new furniture then and this year she bought her first (used) car.
Here is the irony: DH is very proud of BD23 and brags about her independence and that she never asks for anything. I just do not understand why he isn't encouraging his own kids to experience the joy of independence.