This has been a very busy and long weekend since we got stuck with the skids all weekend long and the first part of this week too(oh yay )
SS12 has been a rotten monster all weekend long. I wanted to just lock him in his room. It started the moment they got out of school Friday. He was his usual whiney bitchy self. He continually interrupts, on purpose. If he hears us having a conversation of any sort he’s got to interject…”Dad, dad, dad” and it goes on and on until he gets a reply. And he just does it to be a pain…there’s absolutely no need to interrupt but he does because he wants to show ownership of his dad. Long story short, he’s exactly like his mother…he wants to own and dominate his father and whoever else he chooses and he isn’t happy unless they are serving his every whim.
So, ss12 goes on and spends the entire night Friday just mentally whaling on his dad. I was heated but didn’t say anything…after all, it’s not my place.
So Saturday comes, and the same things start. SS12 sits and bangs his hockey stick on the floor at his dad while dad’s on the computer—ss wanted something, a video or something pointless…just an excuse to make his dad run and do for the little king. The more of this I saw, the madder I got…so I took the laundry upstairs and decided to stay up there and fold it before I really got my bitch on. I could hear him upstairs banging that stick and whining at his dad…and his dad is like bargaining with him “if you…then I’ll…” I kept thinking, are you kidding me??? Frikkin grab him, slam him down on the couch and tell him to shut his mouth and sit there until he’s told to get up! But no…ss mentally/verbally abuses fh and fh sits there and takes it.
So finally I have to go down and get the other load out of the dryer and I’m muttering all the way, “oh poor little baby doesn’t want to eat beef roast, he wants pizza, whaa whaa poor thing…oh god could you whine some more?!”
So the day goes on like that and I’m getting more angry and more angry. I subtly tell fh that it’s ok to parent them and make them mind, it is afterall your job as a parent. So by the time dinner’s over, fh sprouts a mini-backbone and tells ss12 to take a shower…he of course refuses because he will do it when he wants to (if that was my kid, omg he’d be in soo much trouble!)…so finally FH grabs ss and takes him up to his room and sets him there for the night. Whew! What an unbearable day. SS12 fought with his brother all day long non-stop, and only took breaks to torment my fh.
I know he could redirect his energy into an activity or something, and we as parents need to do that…but honestly there’s only so much of his crap I can take before I throw out the Dr. Spock and wanna just slap him silly with the book.LOL
Anyways, Sunday comes and it’s the same stuff all over again. FH goes to get groceries because I’m spotting and need to call the dr. and rest. So while I’m on the phone, the skids are in the basement and there’s just huge noise and madness going on. I hear them arguing about who’s going to go get papertowels and something about go to the bathroom…so I was ready to rumble at that point. They have this thing where they like to shart themselves and think it’s funny cuz their dad has to wash their clothes.(I don’t know how many of y’all have teen boys, but it seems they have some pretty dirty nasty things they think are funny). So I figure they’re messing up their underwear and laughing about who’s gonna clean up the mess. Just then FH comes in with groceries…I go out and help him bring them in and the boys come up from the basement. I wheel around at their laughing little faces and say, not entirely nicely, that whatever they’re doing down there they’re going to clean up! They were both visably shocked that I’d gotten loud with them cuz I’ve never done that, and fh’s eyes looked like they were gonnna pop out of his head. So they start saying that they weren’t doing anything…and I interrupt and say, I don’t care, whatever you’ve done clean it up because I’m not! Then I turn on FH. He looks at me like a deer caught in headlights.LOL I tell him the story of what I think happened and he says, well don’t worry they’ve cleaned it up. Oh yeah right…like they cleaned up the sh*t on the bathroom rug or on the floor or anywhere else they’ve left a little present during one of their little games. So fh tries to backpeddle and say they didn’t do anything before (uh huh, right, the poop fairy comes and leaves little bits on the bathroom rug just to let me know she’s thinking of me?!) So I’m ready to rip fh’s head off because he didn’t sternly back me on this.
I talked to fh and said the boys had you beaten down for the last couple days and it was really bothering me a lot that you didn’t stand up for yourself. Your 12y.o. tells you Saturday night, after you’ve kissed his a** all day, that he wants to go in the hot tub and demands (that’s right, demands) that you go get chemicals and clean it right now (7pm at night, in the dark, in the 12 degree weather)…and you were going to go until I had a little ‘talk’ with you. So fh then gets to hear what guilt parenting is, how he’s doing it, and it needs to stop. Of course he defends his precious little shit-angels…and I tell him bluntly that if that is how he chooses to live then so be it, maybe I’m not the right girl for this job! He is like, taken aback. I say, not to start trouble or hurt you, but it deeply disturbs me that your kids ABUSE you like they do and you tolerate it…I agree with their bm that fh is way too lenient and she is way too harsh…can’t we find a middle ground like normal people?! So fh kind of ponders this all while I go off to make some tea. We get together a few minutes later on the couch and fh is completely different….better, nicer, re-energized and happy. Apparently he needs some attitude correction from time to time too, but was happy that I stick up for him.
Sorry this is so long girls. It was a rough rough weekend. It’s so hard to watch someone you love being beaten senseless(figuratively) by his kids(and the ex too). I can’t in good conscience allow him to be beaten down like that…I’ll step up and stand up for him when I see he’s taken a beaten…but like I told him, he needs to stand up for himself! I can’t be the badgirl…he has to be the parent, take charge, and stand up!
So long story short, sorry for the huge rant.
My question is, how do you all handle it when the skids are verbally/emotionally/mentally abusive to your partner? When do you step in and when do you just let them deal with it?