First off I am an ex wife and a new wife so i recieve child support and i see it go out of my household. This is always a really tough thing. I like to think I am fair about it all. I have 4 kids of my own, 2 teenagers from my first marriage & 2 kids under 10 from an 8 year relationship. I have NEVER taken either dad back to court for child support... I have been divorced from my 1st husband for 10 years. His income is 3x what mine is but he helps out in other ways. My current husband has 1 child. he was ordered to pay over $600 a mo for 1 child!!! His ex was going to school. So after he put her through college and dental hygiene school she refused to give up financial records so my husband continued to pay outrageous cs even though he was making a third of what she made. Doesn't seem fair huh? So the bad news for you is...... If you have your child support modified I don't believe they count the exs new husbands income. The good news is since you are expecting and your husband is responsible for 2 more children his child support could go down!!! Prolly depends on your state but thats how it is where I live. She is prolly making him feel like less of a dad to make him pay more child support, thats what my husbands ex does!! She tells him how worthless he is cause he is trying to get cs modified to what it should be. Don't let her drag you down cause thats exactly what she wants. The best thing we ever did was start going to church and pray! Do you recieve cs for your child?

First: You are hormonal and dealing with a lot of stress. So don't beat yourself up over anything right now. If you just found out you are having twins you are probably early on, and having a lot of changes in your body. I loved being pregnant but I hated it during the first trimester. This will feel better in a few weeks.

Second: Don't worry about what was right or wrong about last night. You said your peace and he knows how you feel.

Third: Child support should drop because of the new children but not until after they are born. It is a pretty simple modification. He might be required to go into mediation but the court should simply adjust it based on his current income and the number of children he supports.

Fourth: It's never too late to sit down and come to a mutual understanding about your relationship and your expectations.

Fifth: Talk to each other with love and respect. If you can't do that successfully, get a third party before the anger and resentments creates a divide in your relationship.

Sixth: The BM is probably having a really hard time adjusting to the many many changes that are going on in HER life. It may not appear that way from our perspective but, her support system just crashed and there is no going back for her, irregardless of being married to a man with money. She needs time to figure this out.

My advice: Love, love, love to yourself, your husband, and I know this will sound crazy, but to her too. You all are in a whirlpool and need a little love and kindness right now.

You came to a great place to vent and get advice, just keep it in perspective and focus on your family

because you will end up with ALOT more stress than you need, and could end up losing the babies!If he is so easy to control, then YOU take control,and tell him YOU are handling the finances now, if he bucks you tell him fine, its YOU or HER, MAKE UP YOUR MIND.
I'm sorry, it's just that the EX in our lives is also a very domineering peson,and that is what I had to do to protect my son and household.It seems to have worked out fine, he admitted that it was best for me to handle the money issues.We had a bumpy first year, until EX found out you can't move a mule (me) and once she discovered she couldn't manipulate me, MOST of the money grubbing stopped,unless it came to the kids, then we discussed it TOGETHER (he and I) and decided what was best for them.(it usually involved a limo to the prom,pleaseeee!! or braces the kid DIDN'T NEED)
It might also might help to go to counciling, a person who is not close to the situation just might open up his eyes!!! (we also went through that too, and it sure did help)
Good Luck

hangingin

Hangingin has a point too.

I remember when I first married my husband, we had to redefine "his" relationship with the ex. He needed to decide if he was married to me or her because it couldn't be both. For the sake of the kids he needs to have a good/working relationship with her. But he needs to take care of you now, not her. My above post still applies from my perspective, but hopefully last night was the first nudge letting him know to let go of her and hang on to you.

and if the ex is remarried, SHE needs to move on in her life and depend more on her new husband. Your husband should just pay what the court ordered and nothing more. But yes, take it back to court after the twins are born and get it reduced if the judge will do it. If ex is married to a millionaire, you know the kids won't be hurting. Your hubby needs to make some decisions...you are his wife who is expecting his children, and he needs to step up to your needs, and let his ex's husband tend to her problems.

he needs to pay her exactly what the order says and he can explain to her that in the past he was capable of "overpaying" her, but now with his twins coming, he just can't do it anymore. How can someone argue with that? Oh wait, I might know who would try....:)

Check with your state law as far as a child support modification based on your new children. Because in my state, prior born children are the only children that affect child support. Children born after the fact absolutely do not affect it. I've chatted with a few others on this sight that had the same situation.

I know what it's like to be in your shoes, my hubby enables his ex in so many ways. The worst is when he wants to pay for something that really should be part of what we give her every month. It's frustrating, I know. Here's my advice for you because it's what I did. I put it all on paper for him, I listed all the bills, his share and my share and showed how much money was actually coming in and how much was going out. He couldn't believe how little he had left over and how little he was actually contributing to our household. Most of us are "visual" people and need to see these facts in black and white. I feel for my DH because he pays A LOT mainly because she is such a loser and doesn't have to get a decent paying job because she's living off my husband. But I know it will all end and you know I just got tired of being pissed off about it all the time. Life is unfair and you either buck up and move on or you just stay mad. But he is a lot quicker to actually tell her no being that the person that was actually paying for it in the end was me.

Men are funny, I think once he sees his beautiful little twins, he might have that ability to "repriortize" as you stated. All these children need to be loved equally AND need to be taken care of equally finacially as well.

Good luck! And Congrats on the new babies. How exciting!

I'm amazed how much better I feel since i have found this site!!! You all are right the 2nd wife should come first now! R ex flat out told my husband , maybe you should stop worrying about your wife so much and worry about taking care of your daughter..... What she was really saying is you still owe me. I told him when is she going to quit putting a price tag on her daughter? She is mad because he put myself and 2 of my children on his insurance! So when they were trying to modify the child support she somehow convinced the judge he shuldn't be able to use that credit! Kids are not possessions to be bargained with they are a gift... When will they understand? I don't use my kids like that!!!

Find some peace ....pray more, stress less!!!!

Myfiance has paid for nursing schoolfor ex,which she cheated on him whole way through,and after divorce continued to help her with anastheisiolgy nursing school, she will make over$100000 a year and she still calls (lives with another man) for car payments etc,oh and he paid for herD's college after divorce,the daughter that she had at 15 who she raised like a friend and goes out and gets drunk with and never taught her to be respectful to my BF for anything he does, just expect it. At this rate with everyone he has ever known expecting his money,all4 adult children and first wife from 20 years ago, we will never have any retirement,is it pride for men to not say no. I wonder if with lcoopers's MH that he has pride in making sure he takes care of own kids since his ex married with so much money, but yes now he has other children/family to consider. Men say we are emotional but they react to their emotions also, guilt , pride, etc.