Remember when weekends were something to look forward to? Ha!
I realize that what I am about to say is very harsh, but if I can't say it in a place "where stepparents come to vent", then I don't know where I can say it.
It's that time again. The weekend with SS8!! Yay. I'm so over him. He is SO WEIRD, such a little momma's boy brat, and I'm tired of him, all the drama he brings, his stupid mom, and paying for his ungrateful little ass.
I can't even stand to look at him anymore. I don't want to interract with him at all. I don't want to talk to him. Luckily, I work 3rd shift, so I get to mostly sleep while he is awake. I can't stand him, and it didn't start off this way. He's earned it over the past 5 years, as he has grown into a plainly horrible little boy, in my opinion.
But this post isn't about telling every little story about him or BM. I just wonder if anyone else gets physically ill when their Stepkid is around. I guess mostly as a result of his personality, I find him sickening to look at. It doesn't help that he is (so shoot me) an odd looking little boy. He makes my skin crawl.
More than anything, I wish that this kid would play by himself. He won't. He never has, and he never will. He has to be right up under his dad's ass (or mine if I'll allow it and I usually don't anymore). He has to be in the center of everything. I can't act like myself. He stares at us while we talk. Every. Single. Word. Out of our mouths and you feel his eyes on you. Watching. Watching, Watching. I don't remember caring what my parents were talking about or wanting to be around them all that much. I wanted to go hang out and PLAY. Now I wanted my parents around if they were going to play with me, but other than that, I could care less about their adult conversations and interractions.
EOW I want to file for divorce and run away.
- LauraHelton331's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I know how
you feel. I always, always dread the weekend that SD8 comes over. She is such a little brat, and I've tried to like her but her snobby personality makes me despise her. She always wants someone to play with her... when I was little I was always told to use my imagination... or read a book. She also talks like she's four, but then again, her father does treat her like a baby. That bothers me more than anything. If you read my posts, you'll understand how much I can't stand her.
But don't feel bad. That's why we're all here! We have feelings that we're guilty for having, but the ladies here are in the same boat and understand.
Thanks secondwife!!! Of
Thanks secondwife!!! Of course I would type a blog about how I can't stand him, and then go into the den and there he is making me a bracelet of beads as a surprise. He can be SO SWEET sometimes. But that's like 10% of the time.
I hate the guilty parenting from our DH. I can only imagine how much worse it would be if my stepkid was a girl. I imagine we would literally roll a red carpet around the house for him to walk upon. No, wait, we would CARRY him on it. And he would tell us everything we were doing wrong.
Fake it til you make it!
Yeah
DH carries SD8 around all the time. :o All I do is give DH a ridiculous look and tell him "she's friggin' 8 years old, and you carry her around like she's 2" :barf:
PS
Cute baby.
I know how you feel
I can't stand my SD either. I have tried and tried. As soon as I walk in the door I say to myself I am going to forget about the lie told about me last week and be nice no matter what. Then she starts in before I even get my coat off " i want a cell phone." then goes on and on for ever making excuses why she needs one, arguing with me. I told her she is not responsible enough no does she have a job to pay the bill, ask BM for a cell. SD contines---I walk away and tell my H. He yells at her for being difficult---this goes on all night about all different subjects! I can barely stand to be in my own home when she is there. My poor BS2 is always looking at her saying "She naughty, she sassy". I don't say a word to him, he is right!!
You know I just realized I have been putting down the wrong age for her this entire time on this site! She's 9 not 8!! Oh well I don't really care just get me to 18!
Vent away!
That's why we're all here: to say all those things we REALLY FEEL AND THINK and CAN'T say to other people because, well, they just don't have the issues we have.
A kid like the one you describe would have me in prison. I would, no doubt, play with that kid's head on a regular basis....
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt
I DO know how you feel
And I don't think anyone here would judge you. But given SS's age of 8, I do WORRY about you. That's 10 more years to go, Laura. That's a friggin lifetime for you to feel the way you do!!! I don't know how on earth you could do it, even to "fake it" for so long.
I get the same physical sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach when SD16 is here. I have it right now, just knowing she's even in the house and I'm on the 3rd floor bedroom and she's 2 floors below me in her bedroom. In about one hour, I have to take "princess" to the salon to get her hair and makeup done for a dance she's going to tonight, and I can feeel my shoulders tigtening up because of it, and that 'tic' in my eye starting.
(And don't get me started on the salon visit! Friggin $100 to get her hair & makeup done at some fancy smancy salon when, she doesn't even do her chores that she's REQUIRED to do around the house, but hand over the money, daddy... AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!)
But the point is, Laura, I can at least see the end of the tunnel- she'll be 17 in April. And in 16 glorious months, she'll be 18! And by August 2010, she's off to COLLEGE- YEAH! So in my mind, I'm doing the 'countdown' until I don't have to have that constant feeling of dealing with her diva attitude all the time (or at least half the time,as she's with us 50% custody).
But for you, how will YOU make it through for so long? Have you talked to anyone about this? A therapist? Someone to help you with coping mechanisms? Becuase if not, I'm fearful that your restment will just grow. And that's not good for your mental stability- as a person, or a wife, or a mother to that beautiful baby you have there!
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
I worry about me too!!! I
I worry about me too!!! I swear all the time, that if my marriage fails, it will be because of this kid. And I only imagine it will get much much worse as my son gets older (he's 8 months old). B/c I will bring the freakin hammer down on his antics. I do not want my son to act like his rotten ass.
Sigh.
But I reallllllllllly love my husband, and I for the most part, I feel like he does a good job. He does such a good job with discipline and chores, that SS decided he would no longer come over every weekend like he has for the past 5 years, and only come over EOW (thats what the custody arrangement really is but BM's partying self was more than willing to give him up every weekend). So now he spends one weekend with us, and one weekend with his precious Nanna. He's her only grandchild. Need I say more?
And while I am THRILLEd to no longer be having him EW, i do feel for my hubby b/c I know his feelings are hurt even though he'd never say it or show it.
I keep hoping SS will mature into a more tolerable being. Fat chance, huh?
Fake it til you make it!
5 years and counting
OMG I understand - my SD 13 can be the 'sweetest thing' when she wants something - but the moment she gets it, watch out 'cause she'll be out to slit your throat. I figure I have five years and I keep telling myself I can make it - we have EOW too, so one weekend is good - the other is a dread. I have found that if I disengage and leave H to handle the parenting of SD I can sat back and enjoy his frustration over her bad behavior and usually be left alone - most of the time I ignore her and she ignores me and as long as I don't say anything (which makes H act like I am atacking the princess) then he sees for himself what a snotty brat she is and he handles it. Funny thing is he is worn out by the end of the week - hey she's your baby : )
What you described there is
What you described there is EXACTLY what I do. To a tea. I am concerned, however, that I can no longer do that as my BS (8 months) gets older. You know what I mean? I just can't imagine what it will be like when my BS is, say, 4 years old and SS is 12. They will be having more meaningful interractions. Ooooo I dread that.
Fake it til you make it!
lol I always love your posts
lol I always love your posts Crayon. "fluff out the tree" Ha!! I love it. And yes they are definitely secret agents for BM. This step-family business is for the freakin birds.
Speaking of Xmas, that should be VERY VERY VERY interesting this year. SS has 3 gifts, but they are VERY EXPENSIVE gifts. My BS (8 months old) has a million presents. But we spent the same amount of money on each. I am SO SURE all of this will go over just beautifully with SS. Especially since he will have bajillions of gifts bestowed on him at his Mom's and his Nanna's (only child and only grandchild. Lovely). And then come over here and get 3 presents that literally cost hundreds of dollars.
Sometimes I wonder if these SKids should have Christmas everywhere. It's a little much. It's a lot much actually. I'm sure SS's had over a thousand bucks spent on him between us, BM, and Nanna. Vomit.
Fake it til you make it!
I am EVIL.....
I am new to this forum but am absolutely relieved to know I am not alone. I felt wrong and evil because the mere thought of ss makes me anxious enough to I feel like there is a mack truck on my chest. Not to mention the very sight of him is enough to kick start a vomit. I literally feel ill in his presence. I have NEVER in my entire 35 years on this earth felt so repulsed by a human being, much less a child.
I hear ya'!
I feel the same way about SD12. My skin crawls whenever she enters the room. Unfortunately, for now, she is with us full-time, but she usually goes to friends' on the weekends. It still makes me ill knowing she won't be stuck at school all day and that I will have to eat breakfast with her. Don't feel bad about what you have said...I don't want to interact with mine anymore and a lot of times I don't...I have learned to ignore her in nice way.
i can relate
Frankman,
I can relate..THe Step Brat has been with us full time for the past 9 years..No BM in the picture, she bailed out shortly after we got married..No relationship with DH's family so this kid can't even be dumped off on anyone for a weekend away from her, let alone a summer or xmas vacation.. To say that I am beyond sick to death of this brat would be an understatement!!
In a perfect world their would be retroactive abortion capabilities. ~ disgusted
EEEEK!!!!!!!!
Full-time? The very word sends chills down my spine. Bless your heart.
Fake it til you make it!
I can relate to the getting
I can relate to the getting physically ill part whenever my SD calls her father or I am around her. This girl is 20 yrs old and acts like shes 12. She is a daddys girl so to speak and I mean she takes it to the extremes. I have totally detatched myself from her and her older sister, I had to cuz I was sick of fighting a losing battle. but i love their dad, he is a good man but blind as to what his daughters are doing and the turmoil they have caused in our relationship. And the father has even said things to me as if I am beneath his daughters, like Im not as intelligent or Im the one who is wrong and not them. I did tell him theres one thing I DO have and they dont and thats "class and personality". Sucks for them!
Ditto here
Ditto everything above. I'm am getting close to the light at the end of the tunnel with SD 15 (16 in a few months...)
I first met her at age 9. She COULD NOT self entertain drove me nuts. BF would actually have to sit with her for HOURS on end watching her play a one-person video game. One person, not a two player game. She wanted him to "watch" her play. And he would for HOURS. If I mentioned she was old enough to play a video game without someone watching her... I was the bad guy. Forget getting BF to help with our fixer upper house on SD-weekends, he had to entertain her ALL weekend.
Even now at 15 the kid has NO ability to self-entertain. Weirdest thing EVER.
Good Luck. I'm only surviving because we have EOW (strictly enforced and not much now that we are the lamest, meanest people t0 walk the earth.....) and I have 3.4 years to go!
It's the same way here. If
It's the same way here. If you, heaven forbid, mention anything about them being SO NEEDY, you are the devil. I love how my DH wants me to feel like SS is really my family. Feel motherly towards him and junk. And yet, I am expected to not discipline or say anything "negative" like "Go play in your room for a little bit".
If I was his BM, a simple statement like "Go play by yourself in your room for a little bit. Use your imagination" would be completely normal and expected. Since I am STEPMOM, saying something like that is just so mean.
Fake it til you make it!
well I'm glad its only every
well I'm glad its only every other weekend! Thats all I can say...I'm sorry you feel this way about your SS. Does your DH know this? Or are you a REALLY good faker?!
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
DH sorta knows. I don't
DH sorta knows. I don't think he knows it to the point that his son sends chills down my spine at times, but he knows for the most part how I feel. I think he understands, in some ways, that SS and his behavior and the behavior of BM and Nanna have collectively and respectfully EARNED a lot of my negative feelings over the years.
Most recently, my SS decided to stop coming over every weekend and switched to EOW (which is what the custody arrangement actually says) b/c we were making him feed the dog and holding him accountable for his actions. We had to teach this 3rd grader how to make his bed, and he just thought that was such crap. And finally he made the statement that he,"Doesn't like to be over here cuz we make him do stuff and we don't have any money to take him out all the time." So my DH lost it on his greedy ass, and SS got his wish. SS used the "cover" that he had decided he wanted "more time with Mom" which means he spends EOW here, and every other Sunday night with his Mom. Why only Sunday night? She has to get her drink and dance on, of course. What happens every other Friday and Saturday? He's up his Nanna's butthole being spoiled to death. It's his own little personal Disneyland.
Fake it til you make it!
I suck at faking anything.
I suck at faking anything. Anything I think or feel comes flying out of my mouth with my friends & family. I'm much better with strangers though. But I usually operate without a filter! Its probably good that your DH doesn't know the extent of it, for his own protection LOL
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
Ladies... I know step kids
Ladies... I know step kids can make you crazy, but so can biological kids. The thing to remember is that they are kids... I can't see that a 6 year old or an 8 year old could do anything so bad that you would wish for a retroactive abortion! I have an 8 year old son, and two stepsons a 5 and 7 year old... they all make me crazy at times... but they all bring me joy too. I feel badly for you and I feel badly for these kids who deep down must know your thoughts.
I agree bio kids can be just
I agree bio kids can be just as bad...problem with SKs though is you can't do anything about it! If its your kids, you can handle as you see fit! I think thats most people complaint on here.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
What if it wasn't EOW?
Laura and all others,
What if it wasn't every other weekend that the step child came over? What if you had them full time? Could you last another 2-5 years?????
I had SS full time and it became unbearable and I couldn't find it me to disengage.
We have ss7 full time.
His mom lives on the other coast and so far he spends 1 year here and 1 year there. I am at my wits end! he has been here since July this year and I wake up everyday trying to figure out ways to avoid this kid. He can not self entertain himself at all. He follows both me and DH around saying "watch this" "can I" "I really wish I had" and telling us over and over what he "forgot" to put on his Christmas list. He drives me crazy and we have him all day every day for what seems like eternity, well I guess about 11 more years is an eternity when you dispise someone this much. The worst part is he plays his dad with his manipulative ways and DH falls for it every time. DH was going to try and keep ss7 indefintely but I really want him to go back to his mom after school ends. Our marriage will not last if this kid sticks around. I totally understand what you all mean when you say he is weird, mine is to. He is always staring at me. No matter what he is doing if I walk into the kitchen he is right there in my face telling me about some toy he saw on tv and how he's getting that for Christmas cause he asked santa...blah blah. I do everything I can to stay away from him but there are a few times throughout the day that I can't. I certainly can not live in this hell for another 11 years!
toomuchstresshere;
toomuchstresshere; OHhhhhhhhhhhh the staring!!!!!!!!!!!! It's the worst. I swear, all the avoiding we do if these children is like 5 workouts a day. It really takes a toll. Why do they have to be up under our butts all the time. If he wouldn't do that I wouldn't mind him so much.
Fake it til you make it!
I definitely could NOT make
I definitely could NOT make it full time. My only hope would be this fantasy: That if SS lived with us full time, he would learn to abide by our lifestyle and our rules and become a magically better person. lol, right? And if that magical formula did not work, I would be GONE within 3 months, MAXIMUM.
Fake it til you make it!
Weekends Improving Marginally...
SS16 (Zippy) spent the weekend with his Mom-who dumped him on our doorstep full time two years ago when we got engaged-so that was a pleasant surprise (the weekend off not the dumping)!
Like so many Skids-the kid is wierd-had to teach him how to entertain himself-his father would actually sit with him and adore him all day when he had him-read my posts to hear more of the strangest parenting I have ever witnessed.
Zippy's father helped him get a part time job!!!!-IF Zippy can last (he came home "tired" yesterday after a 4 hour orientation)-there will at least be some reprieve on the weekends-SS's current schedule is sleep until 2pm on weekends and then video game until 11pm-I am hoping the money keeps him working-then we put him in skiing for January/Feb-one night a week off at least-and then he is going on a school trip so we will not see him for the spring break for a whole week!
Anyway-I had to listen to DH just about burst with parental pride over his giant minime (who looks like a full grown camel with the worst case of acne on the planet, resembling his Mother more than DH!)joining the work force and DH lamenting that Zippy will not be around the house so often to adore!!! :sick: -DH THINKS this kid is the best thing since sliced bread-
694 days to go until SS is 18 (but who is counting)-
I have already told DH that we will be downsizing AND I would like to move somewhere else once Zippy is finished school-preferabley some city Zippy would rather not live in....I will have to pry SS off his father with a crowbar as he will be hanging off DH's ankles in that case....
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
ADULT SDs need to be "center of attention", too...
THAT is what I struggled with MOST with my whiny adult SDs....when they come to "visit", they expect
daddy's undivided, complete attention. Just like the kids you describe. It was HORRIBLE in the beginning; now that they are "used" to the fact that someone else gets "daddy's" attention (and that it is just WRONG, I'm guessing they figured that out),
it's not nearly as bad.
It was SOOO bad that, as ADULTS, they would PHYSICALLY position themselves between me and "daddy". Unless "daddy" were involved, they
also couldn't find things to do. Nauseating to say the least!
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt
Probably the norm me thinks
For us and many others if they're raised in a dramatically different environment, makes it more difficult. Ours lived with the bm and the results showed by age 7/8. The kids too viewed him as a unwanted guest. Long story, but there's different circumstances with all of us. Around age 11 or 12 he stopped comming over for the most part, it didn't work and we were all trying to force something that never should have been. He's happier today with his mom and being around her family, and that environment. To the OP, I think the next 5 years will go by fast and he will be too busy to visit, and won't want to leave his friends. Hang in there, it will go by fast; perhaps when he's there get a sitter for Sat. nights and drop him off early Sundays.
Everytime I come to this website
JamaicanMeCrazy
I end up feeling 100% better! Mizmel, I could have written the exact same thing about my SD 17 & 21; I am slowing learning to detach myself from any feelings for them at all. It's really hard to do, because I've always been a very loving, caring person. It tears me up inside - but I'm tired of extending the olive branch only to be beaten with it. Daddy's little angels are NEVER wrong, never do ANYTHING wrong and never act like little brats - just ask daddy dearest - it's always MY fault. The funny thing is when DH & I were first dating, ALL of his family (and the BM too!) told me how bad SD17 is - and told me not to back down from her and stand my ground; however, when the time came that I had to do just that, the family got totally p.o.'d at me and said how could I treat the little darling like that! I get physically ill anytime I have to deal with them; and what's amusing is so does their daddy. Like I said, I'm trying to learn to distance myself and let him deal with them, but since I handle all the financial matters in our family, I get pulled in for anything that requires funds - which everytime he talks to the little dears it's ALWAYS about I want, I want, I want.
Yep. Physically. Ill. And then some
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
Now taking three different meds, just to get thru daily life-while 9 months ago, before I married into this mess, I wasn't taking any prescriptions at all.
I have fantasies about what I would love to do, love to say, to H & SD17. And that's sad. My fantasies used to be fun, before they were in my life. I used to fantasize about trips, winning the lottery, being swept away by a gorgeous hunk. Not any more...hate to say they sometimes involve violence
My bad.
yup!
I dread every other weekend. The dread starts the week immediately before visitation weekend. It used to be worse before. Every other Monday or Tuesday, BM would call DH and confirm what they've been doing over and over again. Finally DH told her that he'll ALWAYS do such and such every other weekend and if anything changes, he'll let her know. The interaction has gone down. Then, on the weekends...starting on Wednesday, I'd start distancing myself from DH. On Thursday/Friday, sometimes I'd puke. Not only would I dread DH bringing SD 12 home on Friday afterschool....I'd really dread the Sunday when BM picks SD up. She would sometimes come to the door. Oh, backing up a bit, everything we do gets reported back to BM, so it's like we might as well have that skank here as well. Anyways, BM hasn't tried anything (like coming up to the door) since we've had our baby....so hopefully it'll stay that way. But yes, I hate it. SD is like a replica (personality and appearance wise) of that mistake DH knocked up 12 years ago.