2 steps forward, 2000 back...
Why? Why? Why? What did I ever do to deserve this?
Nice day- skids had school, BS8 and I did not. Ran errands, ate out lunch, came home and did the few cleaning chores I actually enjoy. BS and I played Wii and organized some surprises we'd picked up for his half-siblings.
3:50 arrives and only 1 skid gets off the bus. Call husband. He thinks SD had drill team practice, but doesn't know where SS14 is... A call my SIL to see if he might be there- he's not.
They both finally get home at 5:15. I simply ask, "Where've you been?" because I was worried... No meanness, no tone.
They both start jumping down my throat. He says it's none of my business cause he talked to his dad 15 minutes ago and let him know where he was. She starts ranting and asks why it matters as long as he eventually comes home. (This from the same girl who ran away 2 weeks ago and was missing in action for about 6 years...)
So I send DH a text to let him know they were home, but I didn't appreciate their rudeness.
Awhile passes, and I hear her ranting on the phone to DH about how I was the rude one...
So he calls me to know what's going on and I told him what they said. "They said that? You're not making it up?" in that tone he gets when he's gonna blame me for whatever they did...
"Yeah, I'm making it up. I thought it would be fun to twist you all up." I told him he was being horrible, and he knows his kids and knows I'm not making it up.
"That's just great. I can't even leave you all alone while I go to work. That's just it, someone has to leave..."
I told him that was not a discussion I wanted to have on the phone...
He said, "Figure it out, because someone's leaving," and he hung up on me.
God, I hate that! I hate that he'd say something so shitty on the phone and then to hang up! Hang ups are like my pet peeve.
I called back, and it went to his voicemail. I left a message and told him what a shitty thing that was to say and then to hang up. I told him I don't think that's what he really wanted. But if he did, we'd talk about it later.
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The thing is, I don't know what I want. I know I'm not happy. I'm definitely not happy when the skids are around. I'm not interested in seeing other people, so it's not like a "grass is greener" kinda thing. I don't want my BS to be without his dad, or his siblings, even though they aren't always very nice to him and I am fearful that one day one of the skids' psycho blowouts will be aimed at him. (That's the day I pack, no questions asked.)
Really, I want my DH. No skids. But I know that won't happen. He fought so hard 13 years ago in court to get them, that he'd never let go. That's one of the first things that attracted me to him. Knowing he could have turned his back, but he didn't.
And as much as a bitch about my skids, I do love them. I wish better for them. I don't want them to be like their mother, or to repeat that life cycle. That's why I push and encourage. I make sure they know their manners, and basic chores and cooking, and how to have sympathy for another.
Some days I just wish for a time machine to go back to that day we met, to make it different. Or maybe to even go back to that day he met her.
Aw, man, this sucks.
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Comments
this is something you really
this is something you really need to think through, before giving him an answer. He should be backing you up not making accusations. He is in the wrong here, not you.
If I were you I would leave with BS and get an apt. think it out on your own--then make the decision.
You can't think clearly with like this. Those kids are rotten, and they are going to ruin his life.
I think you are handling
I think you are handling your situation well, it may work for her. If she can explain it to DH, and he accepts it.
I have taken a back seat to my SD10 as well. I still talk with her and take her some places but all punishments (while discussed with myself and DH) are handed down by DH. If something happens I tell her it was inappropiate and to go to her room for 10 mins. Then I text or call DH. He handles it when he gets home.
It works best for us.
Wow. I'm not going to lie,
Wow. I'm not going to lie, if my DH ever spoke to me like that I'd be out the door in a heartbeat. I also can't imagine my SD talking to me like that either (although she's only 10, so fingers crossed!). I'm sorry for what you're going through. That sounds really hard.
Me too. There'd be nothing
Me too. There'd be nothing to talk about. When he got home his stuff and his 3 lousy shitty kids would be outside waiting for him. I wouldn't leave, there the ones being assholes, let them leave.
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
I'm so sorry - you do not
I'm so sorry - you do not deserve your DH to attack you - he should automatically trust you. I am so happy that you do care - those skids are damn lucky that you do - that is sweet and good and don't ever stop caring because you might get your heart broken - by them - by your huusband but giving up is never the answer and even mean bratty shitass kids need love!
Being a SM is not for the weak or faint of heart. It takes brass kahoonas! You get stepped on and kicked around by the people you give your love to and ask for very little in return but... what's that word... OH RESPECT. In which those skids have NONE of for talking to you like that.
You have to out-smart these skids, right now they think youre a door mat - get sneaky!
Find things or create things that you are in control of like taking them to certain places - buying certain things - you know, superficial crap they care about BUT make it things/something they only get from you not DH. THEN when they piss you off tell them to piss-off when they want you to do/buy that thing for them and let them know how they pissed you off. It has to be something that they will really want!
Your DH - sounds like he needs a dose of what life would be like without you. It sound like he doesn't want to deal with it - which tells me if you want to stay with him - you gotta get dirty and play rough on your own turf with those kids. If he's not going to make them respect you then YOU have to make them respect you - it's respect war! It also sounds like he was having a bad day but most importanlty it sounds like he just doesn't want to DEAL with the skids drama so if hw scares you from calling him and tlling him about it - his problems solved.
I agree!!!My Dh just fimally
I agree!!!My Dh just fimally stood up to his rotten kids, he finally see's that a good parent is firm and disciplins his rotten kids!whether it works or not we'll find out at least he can say he tried and that he cared enough to try to teach them something!
My SD 17 says this all the
My SD 17 says this all the time 'you don't love me'...sometimes its in anger for not getting something or getting her way. Other times she says it and looks around and laughs...like it's a big joke because she knows it's the ultimate trump card choke chain on her Daddy's short hairs. I do think there is some merit in the statement about discipline and love...kids do not often know how to articulate how unsafe they feel when parents do not parent..the call it 'love' but what they are after are boundaries IMO
I think your problem is
I think your problem is solved if you just ignore the behaviors or report them and move on...step out of the middle and let him deal. He was out of line with what he said and pushing your buttons. I am with you in that I think he probably knows who is in the wrong...but if he's like my DH he prefers (MUCH PREFERS) not to look at it or see it. If you are forcing him to see it, that means he has to deal with it or take responsibility...as simple as that...so you are the bad guy for making him look...not the bad guy in the fight you are fighting.
I obviously don't know all your history and details. But like with this situation...who cares if they don't come home...less you have to deal with their crappy attitudes and lies. Report it to DH as a 'matter of fact' and let it go. If that's possible...that solves your immediate problem. It also solves his problem because chances are he won't have anything to deal with either...they'll run wild and you will all have peace...UNTILLLLLLL somebody gets in trouble. BUT the bright side of that is...someone else will be the bearer of bad news on his 'preciousess' and you will be squeaky clean and peaceful. That shuts em up pretty good...
Your husband is wrong here.
Your husband is wrong here. Honestly if he had said that to me, I would have been gone when he got home. Taken my kid and stayed somewhere else. Give him a taste of it. He either needs to back you up or handle all of it himself. I demand to know where the kids are after school, since they are my problem when they get home (I work from a home office). When I don't know where they are I go apeshit on DH. He handles it now. He doesn't not want me to be there because he can't leave work.
Your DH needs to make sure the kids now that they are responsible for telling someone where they will be after school before it comes up. If it is him, then he needs to communicate it to you. My mantra is "not my kid not my problem" on the other stuff. But, for safety sake he needs to know where they are.