YES! BM is very different when in a relationship. Typically she is better behaved because #1 she is preoccupied #2 she is pretending she isn't nuts #3 she has someone new to play mind games and manipulate.

Oh yes. It's called mental instability!

Oh yes. Back in the day, BM used to sleep around a bit. She would even take SS to these little sleep over’s after only knowing the guy a few days. Bleck!

She was actually really good when she was completely single. She treated DH like a normal human and always let DH keep SS because she was out on the hunt. But watch out, once she found a flavor of the month/s. She wanted the new guy to be daddy. So then DH was reduced to being a piece of crap and could not see SS for extra time.

She finally found her DH about 6-7 years ago and it was REALLY bad when she first got him, but has calmed down over the years. That is not really saying much though. She is still a moron.

OH yeah...they are like open books. Anytime the BMs are nice to DH, it is almost inevitable that they are fighting with the SO's. BM#1 was sweet as honey to DH when she and now XH were splitting up - then of course she met stb-H#4 and DH is the worst person in the world. Same with BM#2 - she and her H separted (literally, she moved into a new place with the kids) and DH was just the best thing since sliced bread. Now that she and H are working on their marriage, DH is the biggest jerk ever. Mental instability maybe...but i think it is more of a control thing. Maybe even delusional. I think the XW's think that they might be able to convince DH to go back to them when their personal lives are going down the drain. It's gotten to the point where I've been out of town and BM#1 called DH for a booty call because she and H#3 were fighting. Fortunately he told her to pound sand, which pissed her off even more, but it's a control/guilt thing.

Yeah, it's frustrating, but they are X's for a reason. She's the one who looks ridiculous.

Ohh yessah!!

She is totally different when in a relationship.

WITH boyfriend: BM turns into mega-b**** every chance she has to talk to DF because it's as if she has to 'prove' to her bf that she can't stand him...and she's constantly asking DF why he's being such a jerk, and "get off my back, GAWD" and so on. It's all a front to put up in front of her bf so that he A) thinks she's being hounded all the time by us, and so that he sees that she can't stand DF and would never go back to him or something. Phone conversations can barely be civil between she and my fiance while she's in a relationship.

WITHOUT boyfriend: Her kids are pushed even further down the priority list because now she has to make time to go out every night of the week, take off on weekends out of town, etc, so she can meet a new boyfriend. However, she's much easier to deal with as she doesn't have to put on a show in front of someone since she's alone more often.

I should add that her priorities always remain the same: #1) herself #2) her boyfriend OR going out to meet a new bf #3) the kids.

The BM in our situation was actually quite the opposite. When she didn't have a man in her life, she hung onto the kids like glue - made it difficult for FDH to see them when he wanted.

Now that she has a man, she happily gives up the kids so she can have free time to spend with her man.

Um yes but my bm would do this thing. She would call dh and tell him all the details or at least try to. I think it was her way of trying to get dh jealous. But it backfired as he told her I'm glad you have a bf and i don;t need to know the details but I'm glad your happy. LOL Along with all that she tried to act all nice and work with dh instead of trying to keep them away.

Yes Yes Yes A Hundred times Yes!

Its hard to say if there is a real pattern to it.

Single BM: Doesn't want to spend anytime with her children, but tries hard to win back XH or is a complete witch. Usually turns into a witch when her XH tells her he doesn't want to get back together.

Dating BM: wants to be "super mom" suddenly. actually wants to spend time with children. But spends her days making our lives HELL!!!! With the occasional "I want you back" thrown in.

Which is the lesser of two evils

Ha! Thats an understatement. Bm's personality is dependent on those around her. New bf has a tattoo, bm loves tattoos and gets one. new boyfriend hates tattoos, bm laments ever getting one. new boyfriend is stabe, bm is stable. new bf has drug problem, bm developes drug problem. and so on. When she is not "with" someone, she disapears entirely from the picture and becomes a sniveling wimp. When the next one comes along, he is fed the same story about how she is a victim, we have kiddo, we are so evil and mean and cruel and blah blah blah blah blah and the new bf becomes enraged at the injustice of it all, bm becomes rightfully indignant and haughty about our evil ways, we go through a few months of extreme stress, and eventually get a phone call about how mean that guy was, she had to move again, she has no friends, and she's crying and everybody is so mean. Why are they so mean to her? She's a nice person. Really. She's trying. Its not fair. Why cant we just be friends for kiddo? Why do we have to be like this? I want to be friends! It is made clear that we are not going to be friends. Bm disappears for indefinite period of time. New guy comes along. Rinse and repeat.