Yes, I have one child and find it extremely harder to deal with skids. Simply because although it is your house, at times you feel powerless because these are not your kids. Things you would not tolerate from your own, you are not able to correct and thus have to endure.

We have a mine and his no kids together. I think that it is easier that way. Mainly b/c he can take care of his and I can take care mine and there is no issues. What I mean is that say if you had a kid together and you spend x amount of money on that child then the dad is going to want to spend the same on the skids.

With just his kids and my kids I can spend x amount on my kids and dh doesn't feel like he has to spend the same on his kids as he has his set amount to spend and I have mine. Does that make sense?

This is how we do it anyway. But most of the time we discuss how much to spend on each child before it is spent.

We don't really have the issue of steps acting out and I can;t take care of the situation b/c my dh backs me up. If he doesn't agree he will talk to me later about it and we normally come to a compromise.

I'm harder on my kids and so therefore I tend to be hard on the skids. However dh is NOT AT ALL and we have talked a lot about it and we come to compromises so we have been slowly coming to the middle. I am not as hard as I used to be and he is not as soft as he used to be so a good middle ground.

COMPROMISE is your best friend!

I am in the "I have mine, he Has HIS- none together" boat. I also think this works better because we have always taken care of our own issues with our own kids. We may discuss issues together about all of them- but I don't try to get in the middle of his issues with his kids. I will agree/disagree about how he handles a certain situation and he can do the same. I think this works because the SKIDS- on both sides don't have ONE MORE reason to resent either of us.

IF he tried stepping in to discipline my 18 year old- she would just get mad and throw the whole "YOUR NOT MY FATHER" at him anyways. However, I can say to her.... " look, you are being disrespectful to me and BF when you don't follow rules xyz". It always goes over better that way. Plus, we are living in HIS house. So sometimes I can use that against my kids- and they have behaved much better over the last 4 years than they ever did living with Just me.

My kids as teens walked all over me and destroyed every house I rented. I had to work Shifts and alot of night turn on the weekends- so I'd come home to find 8 people I didn't know sleeping all over the house. Back then, all the yelling and screaming in the world didn't stop them from doing it again and again. Having a "man" in my life and living at HIS place has really thrown respect for rules- and boundaries- into their lives.

I can not imagine having a child "together". I am sure this really throws both sides off balance. You would think that it would bring both families together- but I could only imagine jealousy among both sides of our Kids.

I am happy the way things work for us- so far. It doesn't mean I hate to watch him get walked on by his kids-but I think it happens to me too. I think with our own Bio-kids- we are more tolerant of certain behaviors-and more forgiving. This can be frustrating for both of us but we somehow make it work.

BBGF

Very glad we have no children together or that doesn't have any other children period. Dh is absolutely obsessed with sd and any other child would be cheated...sad but true. There is only person who truly has his heart and that is sd.

I dealt with him having SD for 2yrs before we added an 'ours' to the mix. I try to view how Id feel if I was the one with the 'mine' and then had an 'ours'.

Truth is though, if she were a 'mine' Id have the CS check coming in so it wouldnt matter as much if I spent money on stupid stuff for her. He has the CS check going out so he needs to be smarter on stuff that he buys that is going to sit at the house untouched for 27+days/month.

I get torn in the mess of feeling like I HAVE to include her in everything. Im putting a pic of BS in a ornament for the tree.. do I have to do the same for SD? FDH doesnt do these things, but I feel like hed be the first to notice/get upset that I didnt include her. Does he forget she has her own ornaments at her own house on her own tree with her own mom!?

I think I was a lot more tolerant of her and her behavior before our BS. Im also a lot more resentful as Im taking care of BS while FDH takes care of SD (financially) how is that fair?

I have 2 with DH and we also have custody of my SS's. It is very hard because although I had never thought about this way before having kids with DH BM does have an influence over my children because youngest SS acts just like her. Before we had children I stepped back and DH handled all the discipline and I was fine with that, though now I am stepping up alot more to correct their behaviors because they are influencing my sons and to be honest I am having a really hard time coming to terms with how my youngest SS is teaching my oldest to act. I feel like I have to constantly be on him lately about the example he is setting. He has never said it to me but I'm sure he thinks I favor my kids but they are only 2 and 6 months. I'm just hoping that since I act nothing like BM that my bios will be taught not to act out negatively. It has been an adjustment period for everyone the past 2 years though I know that if things don't improve with youngest SS I may consider moving with my bios till he is out of the house.