Years of being broke trying to make sure my kids had Christmas I rarely had anything left. Every year I gave my dad and SM at least a card, one year I baked a huge basket of homemade goodies because I had no money but plenty of flour and baking skills and I do my dbread from scratch by hand and nada! My dad NEVER took us Christmas shopping for our BM or SM even when we were too little to know different. The last couple of years they just got cards, I was tired of every gift I gave my SM being ignored or snubbed or not good enough, and I couldn't buy my dad a gift unless I got her one of equal or greater value or she'd divorce him (yes I'm serious) My SO found the perfect gift for my dad he saw it bought it brought it home and I almost cried, it was perfect but now I had to find something for my SM and dreaded it. I asked what she wanted? "Nothing really", what is she collecting now? "She isn't collecting any new things" What does she like to do? what can I get her? Crap! So I got a nice card and a gift card for a place she seems to like. She was handed her card when we passed out presents she sat it aside and never opened it, I watched my dad watch her as he was given his gift something I know he really loved and ment a lot and watched as he showed it to her and she shrugged her shoulders at him, he sat it aside. I saw in his eyes how he liked it I saw in his face how happy he was to get it, but I can never give BIG enough for her, so he can't let on he liked the gift. She hates me cause I remind her of my mom. I just wanted her to once, just once like something I gave her. At least she didn't pull away from my hug goodbye this year. I just wanted to see her smile for Christmas. (and no not all SM's are like this, but this has taught me a lot of how not to be with my SO's kids, they don't get to pick their parents what their parents what the adults do is not their fault)