Disappointed in myself.
The visit was great, ss14 did not even come down till they were close to leaving.
Then i had to take bioson9 to drop off spot.
I get back things are ok.
At dinner ss14, comes down sees we are having leftovers- we had pizza while my cousin was here- there was one piece left over.
Dh has a left over steak, i have a leftover porkchop- there are 2 more if ss wanted them.
Well after realizing that his mood changed- he now has a headache- and soooo tired!
He gets a drink- then plops and puts his head on table.
Dh is all not feeling good, ill get you advil.
I roll my eyes because this kid has been on video games ALL DAY - Yelling- laughing- having a great time. He is not sick- he has SCHOOL TOMORROW.
So after dh gives him advil, i hear him go upstairs and "get ready for bed"- i know what he is doing fake fallasleep so oops phone stays in room.
I tell dh if he is going to sleep tell him to bring his phone down now.
Its 7:40pmish- his curefew with phone is 9pm- but these last weeks with me not involved its been ALL OVER the place.
Dh goes up tells him whatever.
Ss14 comes down- no phone- now he is eating last piece of pizza.
Headache magically gone after taking an advil- man they work fast.
So after he is done i remind him about phone- but it came out of my mouth "if your going to bed bring your phone down" i guess because i had just talk to dh so it came out weird, i did not mean to say "if" to him.
Anyway dh is outside doing whatever, probably drinking.
I give ss till 830ish- his lights are off- tv low, i think he is doing his "oops fellasleep" thing, he has done before. I open door he is playing VIDEO GAMES, phone in bed.
So i tell him phone downstairs... video games off if you have a headache... your supposed to be getting ready for tomorrow. He laughs at me, smirks at me, him- why do i have to put my phone downstairs im not going to sleep, i play video games everynight.
(This is the 2nd time he has laughed at me. He laughed at me on friday, over a house chore.)
Then before i know it we are arguing because no 14 year old is going to laugh at me in my house.
Then dh comes in,, what happened? So i tell him as HIS SON IS STILL LAUGHING ABOUT IT.
Dh is like uh did you bring phone downstairs- me its not about phone now- HE IS LAUGHING AT YOUR WIFE- AS SS LAUGHS MORE.
DH- well what do you want to happen?
Really really??!!
So dh told ss finally stop laughing go to room.
Then we took a break, i put ss phone upstairs in our room.
Then after awhile dh has a "convo" with ss14. He comes up stairs and says "bs9 is going to have a hard weekend next weekend"- to ME! i flipped the eff out!!
I said did you just threaten my son?
Ill leave! Bye! I found a box and started grabbing clothes, he laughed oh your gonna leave, i throw on clothes, keep packing he realizes im serious... he hides the keys. Then we really argue.
He claims he was "making a point"
A point that he can threaten 9 year olds that are not his? He can stepup to a 9 yearold? But cant control a 14yearold.
It finally calmed down about 11pm, i was not wavering he tried to make this fight about a 14 year old laughing at me, into a whole nuther thing! He brought up other stuff..he kepts talking down to me, telling me im not perfect, then would throw in that i want to leave to go sleep with men!!
Im so sick of him always putting this cheating, or i want to sleep around...if thats what you think of me WHY AM I HERE?? WHY?
Im just kicking myself because i should have ignored ss14, i wokeup this morning and was looking in mirror "you LADY suck at disengagement!"
OLD HABITS DIE HARD!!
Either way- dh said alot of hurtful shit, so i think i might be downsizing my clothes secret packing, and figuring out a plan...my name is on house, but i dont want this house, dh has all his equipment here, i cant kick him out, he will be back everyday.
Even if i had ignored ss last night, im sure sometime this week we would be having a fight over something else.
Cause our boat is sinking fast.
Our fights are more intense to cause i AM OVER BACKING DOWN...im done..im not a doormat.
He keeps calling me crazy, and saying are you done being psycho?
He has not even seen my psycho side yet- ill burm a house down!!
Ill spray paint all over his stuff. Psycho because im asking you for backup from a teen? Because i wont let you threaten my kid, who is only here on weekends? Because im not going to let you call me a cheater? Or bad mother? Or tell ME i have walls up- when your son that i have been around since 6 can even utter the words stepbrother or stepmother??!! Eff you dh.
- Ladystark's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Calm down Starkie...... here
Calm down Starkie...... here have a double whisky on the rocks....
Now, stay out of the SS and phone issue, if he does not bring it down bed time, so be it... it's for DH to deal with not you, simply disengage,
Making dinner, simply make enough for every one in the house, if SS is not eating who cares, dH can have left overs the following day and you grab a nice meal after work, with a glass of wine and some friends
Simply ignore SS, he knows exactly what buttons to push so you and DH gets into a fight. And he's winning, stop reacting, give him a blank stare, and then walk away...
The house is in your name right, they moved in with you,simply tell DH, either he starts controlling his monkey or they have 60 days to move out, heck give it to him in writing, then for 60 days, you keep quiet and observe, if DH is not improving they are out, you change locks immediately,
and if DH dares leaving anything behind, you simply pack it for him, leave it out side, send him a text, I've boxed up your stuff you left here, it's standing outside if you still want it please collect it.
come on woman, simply ignore the 14 year old... he's winning...
Its in both our names- we
Its in both our names- we were renting and moved into this house together.
I know- thats why im kicking
I know- thats why im kicking myself- i fell into an old habit of helping remind ss, ughhhh...
Ok, different angle.... start
Ok, different angle....
start looking for a 2 bedroom for you and BS, affordable and close, then simply move out, DH can't stop you, you make plans and on D day you have friends and family over to help you, you are not divorcing or breaking up, you are simply going to live apart, you tell DH it's better for both children's development cause you have different parenting styles and are confusing the brats
Then DH can come over and visit you... without his effing brat, if he brings the snot with, it's your house and your rules, you do not have to wait for DH to discipline. And you will not have to worry about idle threats towards you or your son
EDIT TO ADD: After you moved out, you only give him a months rent and notice letter that you include the agent in,
Dear John,
Here with please accept my notice of moving out and a month's contribution in advance.
Regards
Starkie
After talking to ss14- he
After talking to ss14- he does not come in saying anything- like he knows his phone is gone for a couple days, its not ok to laugh at you, he will apologize...whatever...
No i get- "bs9 is going to have a rough weekend, nextweekend."
Like i cant even...these words will be in my head for awhile!!
that was an idle threat
that was an idle threat Starkie, unless your DH is an abuser.
Simply make sure BS is close to you as much as possible, go out and do things with him, ignore DH and SS...talk to your son, try and figure out how he really feels in this environment, and how does he feel about school, general things to get to hear him, this will help you making up your mind.
but SS is history, you will no longer pay attention, notice see him or even hear him, that's how good you will block him out of your life.
Next time he won't shut stuff
Next time he won't shut stuff off... Flip the breaker switch and cut off power... I hope it's a video game he has to save...
I did this recently with my
}:) }:) I did this recently with my adult son lol and he was pissed off like crazy.... but I did remind him, 11pm is screenless till 6am,
he ignored me and kept on saying, I need to save this mum... 15min later, I simply killed the electricity..
sorry dude, my house my rules, I work tomorrow even if you are off, I give a shit about you paying half the expenses, it remains my house and my rules and if you don't like it move out then....
Deigma listens now... urg only for another 3 months then I have to lay down the law again
I do that too- pull the wi-fi
I do that too- pull the wi-fi power cord, then listen while SS moves around trying to restart xbox or Netflix or whatev... Used to confiscate the smartphone too but now just disengaged so he can still pull the "tummy not feeling good, need to stay home from school [again!]" routine... but not my job to make him go to school, etc. I just want to sleep at night and am done texting requests SS turn it down. It just goes away, and magically resumes at 5:00am when I wake up & plug the wi-fi back in.
You really should have just
You really should have just let the brat screw around on his phone and ignored him but I totally 100% get where you’re coming from. Sometimes you cannot hold it in. We’ve all been there!
My dh does that thing as well where if we argue about something then all of a sudden it really becomes something else out of nowhere. He is always in a bad mood now when SD is here. When she leaves it’s like the dream family and good husband again.
Frankly you should not have to live in a house where it’s acceptable a child treat you disrespectfully. Your husband accepting that is a big problem.
Yes im kicking myself- i
Yes im kicking myself- i think i need to tattoo it on my hand. -IGNORE THE BRAT-DO NOT GET INVOLVED-
Ill have to be more careful...
this sounds exactly like how
this sounds exactly like how $#!t would go down in our house. exactly.
i lived through it.
move past your anger at his "threat" towards your son. most everyone has said things they shouldn't in the heat of an argument. i'm not saying "forgive and forget", just move past it. then recommit to your disengagement. i didn't speak to or even look at kaos - if he spoke directly to me, i would redirect him to dh. if he was being an @$$, i ignored him. i didn't talk to dh about him, not even something so benign as "where's kaos?" he 99% ceased to exist in my world.
THEN i decided it was time to re-engage on MY terms. i decided any interactions between us were going to be positive in nature. i started out in small ways - if he was playing ball and i pulled in the driveway, i'd say "nice shot, kiddo!" if he was going out with friends, "that shirt looks good on you!"
if he was an outright @$$hole, i'd revert back to previous disengagement until the next day, or if HE tried to initiate a positive interaction with me. life got much easier around the house, and once we even discussed it! ("i like how things have been between you and i, i'd really like for it to stay this way" "yeah, i like it too." - we even shook on it lol!)
dh was enlightened, to say the least. he got to see his son's behavior all by himself without me pointing $#!t out and him being too busy getting defensive to see reality. he ended up kicking him out. and dh and i havent had not one single argument since then (this past july).