First post
Long time lurker, first time poster!
DH and I have been married for years, but he seems to finally be fed up with BM's foolery! This is more of a background blog. Not sure how much I'll post since SS is lovely (with us anyway but that's a blog foe another day) and I refuse to have any contact with BM2. I feel like now that DH has decided to go to court, she's gonna start to try and cause problems.
BM and DH were married for about 10 years. They were high school sweethearts, but drifted apart until years later. DH was recently out of a relationship with BM1 (who won't really be mentioned because they are grown and gone and pretty cool kids). She fed him a bunch of bull about how he's always been the one for her, blah blah blah. In reality, she had nowhere else to go and she needed him to be her meal ticket. Unfortunately for both of them he wasn't as well off as she would have liked. She didn't want to work but had to and that was a big point of contention in their marriage. Eventually she cheated and left DH and the kids. She was content to let DH raise SS until I came into the picture. Then she wanted (and got) custody.
Since then, it's been nothing but drama and games with her. As the CP, she's decision maker for medical and educational. She never does though. If he goes to the doctor or dentist, it's because we take him on DH's time. There have been times Shes made appointments then tried to demand that DH take him (despite having to work). Same with education. He's just about failed every year, and only passes because we intervene. We are constantly at the school and meeting/talking to teachers to try and get him on grade level.
BM is never wants to talk to DH about anything until the monster she created at her home acts up and she can't control him. She needs SS to be her friend not child because she's toxic and no sane adult will fool with her.
DH is finally seriously looking at taking her to court and I'm so excited! Although I am not sure about SS coming to stay with us because he's about to enter his teenage years *gasp* , I know for a fact he will fail to launch if he stays there and probably end up over here with us anyway.
we shall see how this goes!
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Comments
So similar!
Your situation is so similar to my own! I am also coping (most of the time) with a crazy BM2 that is controlling and manipulative- and filled with narcissistic rage when she does not get her way.
We are also going to court soon to request 50/50 placement. No real advice, but I am new to posting as well and just wanted to jump on to say hi and maybe we can support each other through this court process!
Wow! Luckily this BM isn't
Wow! Luckily this BM isn't rage-y. She tried once. Didn't end well for her. It's more like she's stuck as a teen or something. Not very mature at all so a lot of the things she does now only bothers be because it hurts SS.
because we don't stay close to them (about an hour and a half away), it would be a custody switch for us. There's no way 50/50 would work.
A word or warning it may not
A word or warning it may not turn out well. My SO had physical custody if his girls and BM was also not in the picture. Fast forward to us entering into a relationship and them moving in with me and viola BM magically appears.
First she brainwashes OSD who goes from being an well behaved honor roll student to the Cash me outside girl. Why? Because BM gave into her every whim, told her she was an adult at 13, and rewarded her everytime she was defiant to our rules here.
Next she starts in YSD who was harder to brainwash, so with her she used coercive control giving and taking away her love an affection until YSD understood that BMs love was conditional and unless YSD showed her complete loyalty she would abandon her.
Now SO has two emotionally disturbed children who do not even speak to him and have pledged their loyalty to BM.
That's so sad! I wish these
That's so sad! I wish these women would grow up and do what's best for their child(ren)!
Although I do think SS is starting to see BM for who she really is, I have no doubt that he will defend her and her actions until the day he dies. I do want what's best for him, but I love at a distance (if that makes sense). I'm fully prepared to disengage if I need to, but as long as he's trying, I'm going to be there to help him! We've already established that I'm not his mom, but I'll love him as close to one as I can (and as close as he allows)
Definitely not looking at this thing with rose colored glasses though, lol
Welcome to the site!
I think 50/50 will help. Hopefully there is still time to save the kid - I will cross my fingers and toes for you.
How is your relationship with SS? I guess you will post more in another post!
Welcome to steptalk.
The battle for us is it won't
The battle for us is it won't be 50/50 but a complete custody switch. We don't live close enough for 50/50 to be feasible.
SS (almost 13)is a respectful and kind individual when he's with us. He cuts up with his mom because she's taken the role of friend, not mom. Unfortunately the talks of being a respectful child and doing the right thing regardless of where you are or who you are with don't seem to be working with him because he has no consequences there, so I guess it's all still up in the air on what person we will actually end up with!
SS and I have a pretty good relationship. We've established that I'm not mom (more of a fun aunt), but that I will not entertain disrespect and/or foolishness! We don't really label it at home but I introduce him as my son (because he's a child and I don't want him feeling left out) to family and friends.