Heart Broken- giving up
We talked to the lawyer again yesterday. BM is refusing to let DH see SS for the week he is in SS State. Even though we have her on record stating that she would never deny DH time with SS as long as he came to SS state.
Our lawyer said that we can't go for a change in circumstance until she does this multiple times. How in the living F are we supposed to front $$ for wasted trips to the midwest for him to see his son for NOTHING?!?!!? We are comfortable but we aren't loaded! We still have another 6K to pay the lawyer- as if the 35K wasn't enough for no results. It would be one thing if he was going out there and had time with his son, that is priceless, but trips for nothing?? Nope. The only positive from this trip will be him showing up to parent-teacher conferences. Her face will be amazing! She sure as hell didn't mention those to DH.
So now we have 1 week a year. That is all. Our lawyer can't get her's to sign the paperwork for there to be 3.5 weeks in the summer. DH is broken. He said "that's it, I give up, she wins". We can't afford for this to keep going on with a teenager. It's over. OH! another thing, since SS has been back with BM he isn't responding to texts. He isn't answering his phone. BM has fully mind-F'ed the kid. I told DH he should suspend his cell phone. Something tells me there would be a call from SS real fast when his phone doesn't work.
I hate this so much. I am just not one who gives up easily. Me and my ex never fought over visitation really. There were little squabbles over certain dates but we always compromised. Our last 3 visitation agrreements, we wrote ourselves! We already have it worked out for when he moves again next summer. I mean, my kids love their dad... what kind of mother keeps her kids away from a loving parent?? DH is an amazing father. He is a good man. I just can't wrap my brain around why this is happening.
I am feeling very vindictive over the whole thing. I want to start planning trips! I want SS to start missing things. I want him to realize that by cutting his dad out he misses out. I know it isn't all his fault, and the power BM holds over him is all consuming but until we make it BIG that he is missing out, he won't get on that stand. I think I will book a cruise for my kids spring break. My son is in 7th grade but taking 3 high school classes. SS is in 8th but none of his are HS level. That is how I will justify the dates. BM would never let him miss school - even though my kids have taken a week of every year so we can do something for SS's spring break. Cozumel in April is quite lovely. Sounds like a plan to me.
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It's very sad to read this
It's very sad to read this kind of thing, I just don't get the pettiness of some people that borders on sadism. I hope that you and DH can find some kind of peace through this, I know it must be very painful for him and for you seeing him go through it.
Ugh, how frustrating!! Maybe
Ugh, how frustrating!! Maybe your DH should send SS an email explaining everything. Stating that he wants to spend time with him so badly, and it makes him sad that he is not being allowed to see him. Not to put SS in the middle, but to do 2 things: 1) Show him that your DH DOES want to see him. I have a feeling BM leads him to believe a different story, and she's obviously messing with his head. This is getting so extreme that he needs to make sure SS KNOWS without a doubt that he wants to see SS, before the whole brainwashing of "oh your dad doesn't even want to see you or make an effort to see you" takes a firm hold. And, 2) To make sure SS knows for sure that your DH will be there for a week. At this point, if SS starts telling BM he wants to see DH, I feel at 8th grade it would be hard for her to really tell him no and not look like a complete b*tch. At this point, who cares what tactics DH uses, he could lose his son! Just an idea, and probably a better chance that SS will receive it, in case BM is intercepting texts.
I would be livid if I were you. Such a frustrating, pointless situation. Apparently BM doesn't care if SS is a jaded man with daddy issues because of her meddling in their relationship. This stuff affects people as kids, and as adults. That is going to be on her.
We have told him many of
We have told him many of these things face to face when he was here last summer. I think that at this point we have to take the action to back up what he was told. If he wants more, he has to participate in the relationship. He isn't a little kid anymore.
- If he doesn't want to come here for Christmas, his presents will be waiting here until he comes back to visit. No more giant boxes being sent there.
- When we take a vacation that works for us, we are going. We aren't going to plan our lives around the 34 days a year we get him.
- If he isn't communicating with DH, the phone is getting cut off
I am a fan of the tough love,
I am a fan of the tough love, and good idea about keeping the Christmas Presents until he comes.
Thanks! I think it will sink
Thanks! I think it will sink in at Christmas time for sure. DH hasn't had him in 6 years for Christmas but always made sure the BM's tree had plenty of presents- even from Santa when he was younger. No more.
You don't actually have to
You don't actually have to make a trip.. you can send her communications asking to see him on X date so that you "can" plan a trip. When she denies.. add that to the pile of times she has refused to allow visitation when your DH tries to make plans to see his son in her state.
That is true.
That is true.