I am in Maryland. Daycares are currently open here, my daughter is still going to one.

I could see maybe stopping CS if someone was unemployed during COVID, but otherwise, I haven't heard anything about it.

Yes, you should go to mediation. This doesn't seem right that he can choose not to work and not to support your kids.

At either his current rate of pay or an appropriate rate, based on the work for which he's qualified.  VA courts are well-acquainted with people trying to do squirrely stuff after they retire from the military, so I wouldn't expect too much issue.

His lawyer in CA might be right...  In CA.  In VA, we tend not to play around with CS.  As residents of VA, the CS case should be here, if I'm not mistaken.

I know you have a good relationship with your X, so i hope you all will be able to work it out, but he's underestimating the rigidness of VA courts if he thinks a dad is going to be able to cut CS to stay home with the kids--especially in Hampton Roads, where we are as traditional as it comes!  If he decides to be an idiot and keep pushing, I think you're on stable ground to take it to court.

Is your order in California?  If not, I wouldn't give a lick of credence to whatever advice they got from a California attorney.  None of my friends who get or receive CS here in my state (which is in the midwest - neither California nor Virginia) have had their CS affected by Covid.  Of course, day care centers and, for the most part, schools are open here.

It might make sense to consult with an attorney in the relevant state, just so you know where you stand before continuing discussions with your ex.  Don't let them bully you or take advantage of the fact that you've been reasonable.

In Australia if your pay reduces child support reduces. If any of the other parties have other children child support is recalculated as it is a percentage of income.

Here is the partners pay is less there are government payments for average to low income families. 
 

If his children are young I can understand him wanting to spend more time with them. He probably missed out on this with your kids as he would have been off serving the country.

I was told by a CS worker that they are not enforcing right now (drivers license suspension, etc). They still owe...and arrears build, just no enforcement.

Ok, I'm totally ignorant of all this but... What would happen if you said "OK, as you're going to be at home, let's switch to YOU being the custodial parent! " But get a re-evaluation of your cs first. 

Ok... please do not agree to what he says because "he said a lawyer told him XYZ"  If he seriously wants to "go there" with this.. then.. bring it.. I would tell him that you clearly interpret his staying at home as a choice and as such, CS would be imputed at what he could be earning.. not actual. 

Second, I would further state that if it is at the point where he is now claiming that daycare makes work impossible, then let's switch to full custody for JMTB and we will impute CS on his full earning potential for FT custody.

You have gone easy on him.  His choice to not work is his choice.. he is capable of working.. he does not HAVE to stay home with them.. and btw with the vaccine rolling out.. the covid excuse is going to run thin because schools will be returning to in person learning.

I can see why he's your ex!  He will probably regret opening this can of worms when he finds out he is still going to be on the hook for a significant amount of CS and that will cut into their ridiculous idea that he stay home so they can save money. 

Ex had BM's income inputed as an RN when she became a stay at home mom for her other children (ex had primary custody). It infuriated her spouse so much soon she was working & he was stay at home dad. :-) 

Refuse to talk to the wife about it. You made your point clear. They an take it to court or not. I would make sure if you have to go to ourt you get everything the state will give you - don't settle for less