Post Marital Relations part II
Its 7:30 am.... do you know where your XH is? I only ask because mine is sleeping on the pull out couch in my den.
Original post that started this mess: http://www.steptalk.org/node/181590
Nine thirty last night I get a knock at my door, DH answers it and a few minutes later he and XH are joining me on the porch.
Apparently XH and SM got into a huge blow out argument over that check. She has her tail in a knot that he should have insisted that I return the check to the state, then he should have sat and waited for the state to reissue the check to him (and likely screw it up again, its the government, its the one thing you can count on them doing).
What I get out of my conversation with XH is that SM is pissed because "you said jump and I jumped."
What I actually said is "I can meet you at the bank in an hour and sign this check over to you so you don't have to wait any longer for it." XH wanted his money, knew the state had been screwing up repaying him for a little over a year and knew if I sent it back it likely would get "lost" and he would never see it.
My DH and my XH get along great. They asked for a private conversation so I went inside and let them have all the time they want. They talked for a LONG time and I could hear them both laughing at times from inside the house. At midnightish I went to bed, kissed my DH goodnight and to sleep I went.
Just woke up and came out to the living room to find XH in the den asleep.
This is a little awkward.
And deafening. The den is on one side of the house, XH is snoring in there, my bedroom is on the other side of the house and DH is in there doing an expert impression of a chainsaw.
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Comments
So his idiot wife has her
So his idiot wife has her panties in a knot because you gave them over $30,000.?????
I swear you can't make this shit up.
XH did apologize last night
XH did apologize last night for the comment she made. Apparently she is pissed thinking I am 'calling the shots' because I offered to meet him at the bank. If he had said no and asked me to return the check I would have! I offered him an option that had him receiving HIS money back immediately and he took me up on the offer.
At the bank I straight cashed the check and had the bank issue HIM a cashiers check for the money down to the penny. That way I have a record that a) I cashed the check and b) the money was given to him I did not keep it. (I don't need the state coming back years from now saying I got $35k in error and they want it back).
Apparently another thing she is pissed about is they have separate finances. She has a checking account, he has one then they have a household one. He deposited the check into HIS checking account, not the household and she is having an utter fit over that. In truth I think that is the REAL issue... the accusing him of doing what I tell him to do is just another jab at him during her ire of not having access to the cash.
Both DH and XH just got up. I am going to go see what the hell led to XH sleeping here last night.
So she's freaking out because
So she's freaking out because she can't get her greedy little hands on his money.
Money will bring out the crazy that hides deep inside of some folks.
Wife is being really immature
Wife is being really immature most likely because she is pissed her DH didnt realize he was missing so much money. She may have been covering more of the bills or kid expenses etc because of this. Chances are she figured it out and walked him through how to get the money back and he takes it and puts it all in his acct to have a field day with.
Id be pissed at my DH too. BUT I wouldn't take it out on BM. Hell if she could act half as sane as u id hug her. Lol!
If she took it upon herself
If she took it upon herself to pick up his slack without taking the time to figure out why he was coming up short, then she's crazy.
Oh no that aint no excuse for
Oh no that aint no excuse for her behavior. Shes plum crazy. Lol!
Based on what the OP posted,
Based on what the OP posted, the woman is crazy.
We label BMs crazy based solely on what SMs post here all the time. Why should this be any different???
^^^THIS^^^
^^^THIS^^^
Me thinks you need to post
Me thinks you need to post this as a "New Forum topic." I for one will be glad to share!
Honestly, if DH's ex called
Honestly, if DH's ex called and said she was giving him back all that money, could he meet her at the bank in an hour.... I'd have him ask her if they could meet in 30 minutes. That would be 30 minutes less time in which she could change her mind.
Honestly.... you have a gift horse looking at you and you'd rather punch it in the throat?
That girl's got issues.
Dh still pays taxes on c.s.
Dh still pays taxes on c.s. bm doesn't have to because DH does.
Nobody wants to say it so I
Nobody wants to say it so I will.
If the place your ex-husband ended up crashing after a fight with his wife is YOUR house, then SM has good reason to be concerned, whether he and you DH are good friends or not.
He could have gone somewhere more neutral, but the fact that he went to your house, and he's telling you what she said, and confiding in your DH, meaning you'd find out everything about her anyway.... RED FLAGS.
Your Ex clearly doesn't have proper boundaries (and that's the kind of stuff that can drive SMs crazy).
I dont think anybody is
I dont think anybody is saying that SM wasn't driven crazy by OPs exh. The point is no matter who drove u to acting crazy, ur still crazy. Lol. I think exh is crazy too. Showing up at an ex wife's house sleeping there... wtf?
The OP wouldn't know a thing
The OP wouldn't know a thing to be here calling the SM crazy if the XH didn't share personal information with her and her DH. As SMs, we all have arguments with our DHs, but the XH(our DH) shouldn't go confiding in BM about it.
I get why the SM would have preferred DH to go through the state - it's a BOUNDARY issue.
Who knows, maybe the ex is
Who knows, maybe the ex is ready to walk away for his current wife. If she reacts this way to the OP's kindness, ( the crazy BM in my world would have kept the money)life with her must be pure hell.
So there's the problem. SM
So there's the problem. SM is pissed because the check didn't come in the mail to THEIR house where she could grab it. What a bitch. You did nothing wrong. In fact you did more than most people would! She is jealous and greedy.
You not sending him to a
You not sending him to a hotel or back to his wife is all kinds of messed up. I can kind of see the SM's point. I also would not have argued about the money, but I can see where she has a problem with you.
This is all kinds of fucked up, LOL
I think this SM has a right
I think this SM has a right to be a little upset about who he is sharing his marital problems with, I would be pissed too. DH made the mistake of getting drunk and texting to BM once about some of his feelings about our relationship back when he was just DFH. I found out and I told him, anybody but her! Why couldn't you have gone to anybody but her?! I almost broke off the engagement, he was terrified that I would leave him. I told him he betrayed me and it would take a long time for me to completely trust him again. He hasn't done it since, that I know of, but if he ever did it again and I found out. . . we are done.
When she first moved back here (before we were even engaged), her BF kicked her out, then her own mother kicked her out and so she was sleeping in her car for a while then she got a hotel room for about a week. HE OFFERED HER TO MOVE IN WITH US UNTIL SHE FOUND A PLACE OF HER OWN AND GOT SETTLED!!!!! She declined, telling him she didn't think I would be happy with that situation. Damn straight I wouldn't have been happy. I was so pissed that he even offered something like that without running it by me first. I had to sit him down and explain to him about boundaries, and how the boundaries needed to change now that he is in a serious committed relationship. It took a while, but I think he finally got it.
And SM shouldn't have been a bitch to OP (that was totally uncalled for). EX and OP were thinking practically, SM was thinking emotionally. I know, I have been there. Something makes sense pragmatically, but I didn't want her involved on principal alone. Our situation had to do with taxes and who would get more money back by claiming SD. I don't care that she would give us half of the difference, I don't want her to be involved in our fincances, our taxes, our lives. Period.
And that money isn't hers, but I would be willing to bet that over the years she has picked up the slack financially. Covering for the decrease in their budget that CS creates. I know I have done it. My hard earned dollars at work for DH and SD, while some of my needs (as in tennis shoes without a whole in the toe!) went unmet.
I wonder if, deep down, maybe
I wonder if, deep down, maybe not so deep down, you didn't send ex-H away because you got some enjoyment over knowing that not only did your ex and his wife argue over you, but here he was at your house blabbing about it. (Hey, I probably would have enjoyed that thoroughly!) I can only imagine that there is going to be WWIII once she finds out that he came there & spent the night, even if it was on your couch & your DH was there, since that is so inappropriate. Also, for folks to say that ex-H's wife has reason to be upset with him because he is telling you his problems and at your house seems the cart ahead of the horse, since they fought about you BEFORE he came to your house & spent the night. She does sounds crazy, and it sounds like he has made her that way. If I were you, I would send him away as soon as he wakes up and NOT continue to be a part of the discussion of what is clearly HIS problem, as I'm afraid it will incite SM into doing who knows what, and your kids with ex-H are grown, so you have no reason to have any problems from him in your life.
THIS
THIS
All I know is if our BM
All I know is if our BM decided to act all sane and civil and give my DH money that is rightfully his rather than being all greedy with it, we would be having SEX on the damn money. Not fighting over what a bag BM is!