So angry now...Why won't that woman just go away? LONG RANT
I really can't seem to let go what happened over Christmas with SD17 ruining our vacation. DH has stopped communicating with her, but honestly, I know that is what she wants. Then she never has to have any fall out from her behavior. Again and again. She screws up and there is no ramifications. Well now, she is on Twitter how about her life is perfect in one post and in the other bragging about going to Albuquerque on vacation where all my IL's are. So she gets another vacation there and no one says a word about what she has done to us. Because DH has not told them. I flipped last night on DH and told him he was to call all of his siblings who encourage these trips and his parents and tell them the truth. He says he will. Yeah, pretty sure it will be sugarcoated.
Probably no mention of all the drugs, drinking, trying to hit me and BS18. I have to lay it out to him again when he gets home that he tells them everything. Then I plan on calling my SIL with the 4 little kids, who SD17 loves and tell her even more. She has a right to know about the person who is wanting to spend time with her kids. Everything! I am so done, with everyone rewarding bad behavior.
DH tried to help BM with discipline and it didn't work. Clearly she didn't get suspended for forging BM's signature, she still has her data plan to put these tweets out there. She is the worst mother and now is rewarding her with a vacation to see my family. A family that I had to cut off because of these exact situations. She wanted to take SS15 with and DH asked him and he didn't want to go with her. So now this summer he is talking about taking SS there. I won't go because of this. And now, since SD17 can't drive a rental car, that means that BM has to drop her off to see my IL's. I can't have a relationship with them, because of things they said to me when she sued us and then the subsequent trips to make me feel like they didn't understand further what she put us through. So I stopped trying. Good news is they live 4 states away so it is not much of an issue. It just absolutely hurts. My DH doesn't go home because I am not comfortable and it has been 7 years now.
This kid gets welcomed with open arms by her grandma and grandpa and SIL and BIL, and I can't bring myself to go for a visit, because I am so angry about that. Clearly, I need to go back to therapy again. Which pisses me off more, because I was fine, after all of this, and then DH brings her back into my life.
I am angry and bitter and I was not this person, before BM and SD came into my life and it is frustrating. I run a successful firm who is about to close my first couple of deals since going out on my own and that is huge in my industry for a woman and at my age. I don't need to be in this relationship, I love the guy and my SS15, but I am not dependent on him. So is love enough to continue to do this?
My plan to call my SIL is vengeance, but I really don't care anymore. These people need to wake up and realize they are being played. SD17 is the most manipulative child I have come across. But, I won't say that, I will be factual and tell her about the drugs, drinking and the nasty videos and the manipulating of us to put her on a plane home as well as trying to "kick my ass" in NY. If she chooses to ignore it, like BM does, then I have a clear conscience. I have had zero communication with that family since SD's first trip there and my BIL telling me that it didn't matter what SD does (suing us), I should get over it and be a better stepmom.
I know most of the moms on here in bad situations, have Exit Strategies. I had one from the moment I married him. I kept my house, I have money in the bank. I never combined incomes, because of BM. I didn't put him on the paperwork for the Corporation and I have a tighter pre-nup than I ever thought possible. How funny, that the strategy is in place and I won't use it. But, what I will do, is make sure that that child does not screw up my apple cart again. Three more months and she is 18 and we are no longer liable for anything she could do. After that, she can do whatever she likes. If you got through this, thanks. I got no sleep last night, because I am angry. Now to find the number for the therapist, again!
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Comments
Ok, J you know that you and I
Ok, J you know that you and I are most generally on the same page with things as our step drama often has a lot in common. BUT I disagree with you calling ILs about SD17.
Is your SD a total brat? Yes. Has she done some horrible things to you? Yes. I can say the same thing about my skids. BUT I have found in the very recent future, that the less I involve myself in caring about what skids do or don't do, the better life is for ME. I have found that in the past when I have spouted off about skids to ILs or even DH, that it accomplishes nothing other than everyone jumping to skids defense because I am the big, bad, step mother and they are just CHILDREEENNNN!
and by the same point that I am trying to get across above I, in return tend to get rather pissy, when ILs or DH try to interject their opinions on how THEY feel I SHOULD feel about skids.
I think you're better off to let SD17 fry HERSELF. Odds are in your favor that she will. And if for some reason she is on her best behavior and nothing goes wrong? So be it.
You know that I totally get your frustration with this crap, I do!! But don't let this brat ruin your marriage, your life etc. {{{hugs}}}
I know I shouldn't, but I
I know I shouldn't, but I really don't care. I have been the topic of conversation again and again with that family and that I never tried with SD. She told people ugly things about why she left that weren't true. I have had one conversation with my SIL since I got engaged and that was trying to have my FIL call me about something I wanted to purchase for DH. Beyond that nothing. I have completely cut all of them out of my existence. But, this is too much. These are not BM's family and they have no clue what has happened the last few years. I will be blamed again and I will be damned if SD is going to change the facts to suit herself.
I have to do this, or else I will never get my sense of self back after this last disaster. I can not continue to let her and BM walk all over the situation. I have always respected your opinion, because we seem to be in the same mess, but I have to do this.
They tried that route 4 years
They tried that route 4 years ago, when BM shipped her off there and that was a disaster. It ended up causing SIL (another one) to send DH a long email about what SD said and DH confronted BM and angry emails ensued - 9 months go by, DH has no contact with her. They will talk to her, it will go in one ear and out the other. They will probably only believe some of what DH tells them. My SD is a beautiful girl who uses that to get what she wants. She cries at the drop of a hat and seriously, grown people fall apart. Pretty sure that is what happened at school last week.
DH will call every sibling and his dad this weekend and he will tell all of them what happened. I will make sure of it. I have been off of anti-depressants for over 3 years now. I have done them on and off since my son and my husband died. When SD did all this crap, I went back on them. I got off as soon as I can. I will not let this take me there, but I have called my doctor to get me some Xanax. I can not believe I even need it again. I have not filled that prescription in years and the last 5 only taking it so I could take a nap sometimes when I was stressed.
I am angry, that I am back here. You know closing a multi-million dollar deal on my own should be stressful. But, no - my SD and BM are.
Do the ILs know that SD has
Do the ILs know that SD has been diagnosed with bi-polar and is on the meds (which is slacks off or even stops taking) and abuses drugs/alcohol on top of this condition? If not, then perhaps that is what Dh may want to relate to the grandparents. Not every last sin the SD has committed nor in an attempt to have 'vengeance' on the SD, but to honestly and realistically clue them in on the girl's medical/mental situation.
You can't forbid and/or control what if any relationship the grandparents and aunts/uncles have with this SD (they are in fact this SD's family). But if they aren't aware of the teen's medical condition which spirals down (and he drinking on to of such instability), it wouldn't be 'wrong' for Dh to alert that being they plan on hosting the girl. It gives them time to educate themselves and research what is going on and the situations hosting her for a vacation might entail. They are entitled to try and have a relationship with this teen regardless of how many evils she's committed towards you.
No call should be made for the sole purpose of trying to control a situation that is not yours to control nor the try and 'punish' the teen or have her ostracized from her family (as this is her family) but perhaps instead to be a call out of concern that they are aware that she has a true mental illness with unpredictable actions that requires regular medications and therapy. How they deal with this and/or desire to have a relationship with and try and help the teen, their grandchild/niece is up to them.
I respectfully disagree...I
I respectfully disagree...I think they have a right to know everything. I am not trying to punish the brat. I am tired, of the perception that I have not tried hard enough. They need to know the extent that we have. As for the bi-polar, that is a crutch for bad behavior. They need to know that and they need to know about the reckless behaviors. There are 4 children under the age of 8 involved in this mess. My SD had some very interesting conversations in front of my boys the last few months that were very inappropriate and they need to be protected from that and everything else that could happen. I never thought she would lose it in the middle of a busy street in NY, but she did and people that are around her need to know that. It is up to DH to tell his Dad and Mom and his BIL. But, I will be calling my SIL. One mom to another.
I am not trying to control any situation, this on them, but I will be damned if they will not hear our side of the story, before BM or SD arrive and try to show how misunderstood my SD is.
As for what the IL's know. Absolutely nothing. DH has not told them any of this last three months. To the outside world that sees the pics on Facebook, we look like we had a great time on NY, SD just isn't in any of the pics the last 4 days after we put her on a plane home.