OT - Sorta...How many is too many sexual partners at 19?
I was talking to my girlfriend who I used to always think was too permissive with her daughter. Well she told me she and her daughter talk all the time and recently they had a great conversation but it was too much information for mom. She calculated that her 19 year old daughter already had had 8 sexual partners. That seemed really high to me, but maybe I am old fashioned. I remember when her daughter was 12 or 13 and I was shocked that she allowed her to have a boyfriend and he was allowed in her room. They never kept much of an eye on this stuff and thought it was cute and the boys were harmless. I made my son wait until 16 to date and he has had one date and none since.
I must be a prude, because I about died when she said that. I told her her daughter who I love dearly was basically a slut by my standards. She said she told her that same thing. Now she says it is okay because she is in a committed relationssip and they are planning on marrying. I asked about protection and all that. She assures me that her daughter is fine. But, she was clearly upset that this is what her daughter considered acceptable. The daughter even said that her best friend was in double digits. So that made her 8 seem like just a few...Really?
This is my best friend in the world and I have told her quietly for years that her daughter had no boundaries and they needed to not encourage all the boy friends. But, I was just laughed at as being too strict. I just don't think I am.
How many sexual partners should a nineteen year old girl have had? My SD15 is sexually active according to my son and his friends. All I keep thinking is how many has she had already at 15. I don't even want to think about it...I have been made to think the last couple of years with SD and BM that I am just way too strict and kids should be given more freedom. I know I am not wrong, but I really want to yell to both BM and my best friend. I told you so....But, of course I won't.
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Why would you think YOU are a
Why would you think YOU are a prude? You have standards and pride. I didn't start having sex until 19 and I married that guy (happily).
Now I certainly don't think that is the norm. I can see having sex with one person before by the time you graduate HS, but 8????? Gross
I probably didn't need to be so mean, but girls like that in my HS when I was that age... knew exactly what I thought. I had no problems saying "oh you're a whore" when they bragged about their conquests. -- I should add that the males they choose to sleep with were horrible users. It was never relationship focused it was "get some"focused and it was known to everyone what kind of boys they were.
You're friend should have had higher standards for her daughter. Measuring her sexual partners against her double digit friend is not accurate. It certainly doesn't make her look better like she thinks. Both the daughter and your friend are clueless.
In my entire life I have had
In my entire life I have had 4 sexual partners. Two I married. One was a mistake in my 20's. I waited until I was 21 and in a committed realtionship. I know I am unusual but honestly I don't care. Her daughter is some day going to have to have that conversation with her husband and does she really want to give a larger number than he does? I said all this to Best friend and she said she understood, but he was a nice guy and she wanted it to work out for her. Honestly if they had been stricter with this girl, she would have her act together now. Not in beauty school thinking of dropping out to become something else. She is driving my girlfriend nuts. There is a lot more to this, but honestly my friend brought this on herself. Rules and boundaries are needed by kids. They are not a bad thing.
Just sounds like she was too
Just sounds like she was too wild and not given much structure or boundaries. I was never allowed to have boys in my room. The people who did, were having sex.
Problem is, women with loose
Problem is, women with loose morals are not usually opposed to lying either. She can make up any number of partners she WANTS to tell her hubby, if she can find some guy to marry her.
I was married and pregnant
I was married and pregnant with my first son when I was 19. And yes, he was the first and only person I had sex with for over 13 years. I can't imagine having gone through 8 partners by 19 :jawdrop:
I didn't have my first until
I didn't have my first until 19! I did feel like I was a late bloomer, but I refused to do anything unless I really felt I was ready.
I more than made up for that in my 20's and would say 8 would be a nice number TOTAL in life! Not entirely realistic if you marry later in life like I did, but...
I think the older I get the more I worry about STD's. My son is only 7 months old and I worry about having to eventually discuss safe sex with him someday.
No, you are not a prude. Most of my friends lost their virginity around 18, so 8 would be unheard of!
I might sound old-fashioned
I might sound old-fashioned here but the first person I had intercourse with was/is my DH. I just wasn't into that stuff as a teen. I knew some girls who got pregnant in high school and/or in college when they had no intention of being with the baby's father. Heck, I even see it happen with people older than the high school/college age. It's sad.
Same here. I was 20 and he
Same here. I was 20 and he ended up being my ex husband and father of my child. I am not so surprised at those numbers though; we sexualize little girls very early. "we" meaning society at large, the media and many moms too.
I am 32 y/o and I have had 8
I am 32 y/o and I have had 8 partners in my lifetime and I actually hate that. As I look back, there are atleast 5 that I actually regret having sex with.This is very sad to know that this is what is considered acceptable and the norm these days for teenagers.
me neither
me neither
Asked about whether she was
Asked about whether she was checked for STD's. I did say that I hope she conveyed to her daughter that she has now slept with everyone of the people that those people slept with. She was like Oh you are right, I didn't even say that to her...Duh!!!
I think 8 is a high number
I think 8 is a high number for a 19 year old but honestly in this world today I am scared. Children are becoming sexually active at earlier ages.
I agree that it is a high
I agree that it is a high number. I also did not have my first until I was 18. I was married at 29 and had 8 in between there, but I was smart about it and I still regret the majority of those. She will regret it when she gets pregnant or meets someone she truly wants to marry. I mean, aren't a good number of the BM's we complain about the result of women who got knocked up and the man "did the right thing?" It's a never ending cycle.
She has only been an adult
She has only been an adult for a year. If she started having sex at 18(I doubt that) and has already been with 8 men, then yeah she's a slut. Maybe even a Super Slut.
My friend says she started at
My friend says she started at 17, but I don't buy it...
I was 16... had been with my
I was 16... had been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years before we had sex the first time, and stayed with him until I was 18. Since then I have had 2 other partners, both in which I married.
I regret having started so young. Girls today act so casual about it. I am praying that we are somehow able to instill good morals in to our kids. It frightens me though. It really does. 8 is a lot to me.... at any age.
I personally think that a
I personally think that a person's number of sexual partners is nobody's business but their own, especially if that person is an adult. It's nobody's business to comment on or have an opinion about. Having a small number does not make you a better person that somebody with a high number. Sex is perfectly normal and natural, and people have a right to enjoy it even if they aren't in a committed relationship.
Just my opinion.
My 1st was my BOSS at my job
My 1st was my BOSS at my job senior year in HS, 5 years older than me. We were both Catholic and almost got married. It wasn't the scandal it sounds like!( I was his first too) And my only other is DH, who I married at 19. BUTTTT- I had a lot of boyfriends in HS and kinda could see wehat I wanted /did'nt want in a partner. And thank you Dad for showing me I didn't want a drunk,womanizing, non working man!hehe
When I was that age, I had 1
When I was that age, I had 1 partner and that was my fiance whom I had been seeing for over 4 years. I have never to this day (I'm 41) had a talk with my MOTHER about the number of sexual partners I have had.
I am 47 and lost count at
I am 47 and lost count at approx 28. I think the actual number is around 34 but there are 28 that I am absolutely sure about. Another memory will burn through occassionally hense the 34 number.
I have had only one for 18+ years now. My wife.
I lost my virginity at 15 and at 19 I was at approximately 6-8 ish.
Do I truly regret any of them? No, at the time I had no regrets. In hind site I wish there were only one. My soul mate, lover, best friend... my wife. But as I have told my wife many times over the years, we are the sume of our experiences and had we not both had our pasts we would not be the people we are now and the people that the other loves. I am #5 for my wife. We married when she was 18 ..... I was 30. She was a single teen mom, I was a recent college graduate 4yrs post divorce from my XW who ran off with her geriatric fortune 500 executive sugar daddy boy friend who I had no idea existed. I probably should have known about my XWs boyfriend. We had extremely little intimacy during our 4+yr relationship and 2.5yr marriage.
Had I not had that 4yr hiatus with my XW between the age of 22 and 26 I am sure my number would be ashamedly but notably higher. Taking myself off of the market from age 22 to 26 took me off the circuit for some prime years.
I am a man by the way.
And as Skylark said ... I have never discussed with my mother how many sex partners I have had.
Wanted to add, as for SD15 I
Wanted to add, as for SD15 I could care less how many sexual partners she has already had. Not my kid, not my problem. Just do not ask me to be supportive when a grandchild shows up on my doorstep...
I did not call her a slut. I
I did not call her a slut. I stated that by my standards that would make her a slut...Also, note this was over two glasses of wine in my kitchen catching up. She was proud of the fact that her and her daughter were such good friends that they could have this type of conversation. I don't think that being her friend all these years, really helped this girl.
Nothing ever happened to her to make her this way. She was always encouraged to date and have a boyfriend. She has never not had a boyfriend that I can remember since she was 14...That is what leads to this. She doesn't have to have been attacked or labeled to make her this way. What made her this way is an inability to be alone...
I was concerned as well as to why she doesn't value herself...Best friend said that was her concern as well. But, since they are friends first and parents second, that conversation won't happen....
My point was that parents that want to be friends with their kids generally have this kind of outcome. It may be sexual partners or it may be something else...
I'm a former slut.It's
I'm a former slut.It's ok,I'll admit it.I'm not proud of it at all.So from a former slut's point of view,SD has WAY too many partners for her age.It's dangerous and she will have nothing but regrets when she has to explain that number to whatever guy she marries.it isn't acceptable,it isn't cute,it isn't funny.How many penises you've wrangled is NOT something to brag about.Now that I'm old and prudish I'm allowed to lecture;)
8 is not many at all . my
8 is not many at all . my daughter is 19 and she has had sex with 25 guys . my 20 year old daughter has had sex with 18 , and my 16 year old has been with 10 guys . my wife and i are proud to say they are all following in their mothers footsteps . women are finally throwing off the shackles that have imprisoned women sexually for centuries .
the is only 1 amount of guys that is too much to have had sex with . 1 more than you wanted to .
I'm definitely digging up an
I'm definitely digging up an old thread with this comment.
I wanted to say I'm a 19 year old girl and came across this forum when discussing with friends how many partners is "too many."
I have friends who are virgins, ones who are engaged to the guy they lost their virginity to, friends who have had under 5 sexual partners, and I also have friends who have had upwards of 50 partners.
I want to say that I've had 37 male partners and a handful of female partners. I don't think ANY number is too many as long as the sex is between two willing adults/adolescents. As long as both parties feel good about the sex and aren't using it as validation, then it's perfectly healthy. Not that I need to prove anything, but I'm going to discuss WHY I don't think my number is too high yet. I'm not addicted to sex nor anything for that matter. I have a good relationship with my father. I didn't have a bad childhood. I get all the love I could want from my Mom and Dad. I do well in school (earned enough scholarship money to pay for my entire B. engineering degree). I have a good set of morals along with a huge heart. I don't steal, lie or treat people like crap. I stick up for the underdog. I volunteer with many youth programs, and I'm a volunteer firefighter. I believe in paying it forward. I'm not worried about not being wife material because I know a man will love me for who I am, not for who I've slept with. I use condoms and am very careful about preventing pregnancy and STIs. I wear classy clothes that cover my cleavage. I don't allow men to talk to me like I was born to serve them or be their prize. Frankly, I feel like I have a better sense of who I am and a higher self esteem than most of my friends. I am very confident around members of both sexes. I can handle rejection and I'm also very firm with my own "NOs". I don't need a boy to tell me I'm beautiful for me to believe it. I don't wish I looked like the photo-shopped women in magazines. I'm in love with my body. You know why that is? That's because I've taken my sexuality into my own hands. I don't allow other people to tell me what's "proper" to do with my own body. It's MY body. Whether or not I choose to share it is my choice and nobody else's. I know a lot of people do not agree with me, and may be disgusted that I'm not practising "morality" but I am VERY comfortable with myself. I am a good person and the amount of partners I've had does not change that.
Hopefully you stop judging your friend's daughter so much now.
She could beat people up or steal for fun instead of engaging in a normal, healthy activity that the human body is designed for...
PS. My parents were strict
PS. My parents were strict with me. I had a curfew of 7pm on school nights and 10pm on weekends unless I was going to the movies, a dance or had an activity. I was involved with many after-school activities including sports, student council and cadets. I was given the sex talk many times and they told me I should wait until I had a ring (engagement) on my finger before having sex because it would be so much more special. However, teenagers will be teenagers... nothing a parent can do will ever stop their child from finding ways to do what they want to do. So give your girlfriend some slack.. whether or not she allowed her daughter to have boys in her room isn't relevant.