You are here

Mediation this week.....Long!

Jsmom's picture

DH met with his lawyer last night for three hours to go over the mediation this week. Apparently the formula for the CS could go between $5.00 a month that she would owe him all the way to $600 a month that he would owe her. How the world does it vary so much? Also, turns out that BM has not provided all the financials and she is supposed to bring them on Thursday. Including the tax returns. They have had ours for months and we still don't have hers. I call BS...

I vented to DH about how is it that BM can cause all this damage and she could end up with his money after this. Turns out he was entilted to about a $1000.00 a month when he had both the kids 50/50, given her very large income. I understand a guy not going after a woman but honestly, he should have and that was a lot of money. Not retro-active but, still a lot of money he could have taken from her. None of the stuff she has done will be brought up, since he is giving up custody of SD14, just the CS. I so want someone to yell at her, that she has caused all of this mess. No one says anything. I know everyone gets karma in the end, but really. I need to know that all the lies, manipulation and overall bad parenting has to have some payback.

I actually keep thinking of things I could do to her to make her life a little inconvenient. But, in the end I am too nice and don't work that way. Do these women ever get what is due to them for the havoc they create... ?

Sorry having a hard day. Today is the 9th anniversary of my first husbands death and all I keep thinking is I should have stayed widowed. I was happier believe it or not. This last year and half living here has been hell.
I don't think I realized that I was actually okay not being married. It is amazing to me the damage BM and SD14 have created and I still feel like I fought in some war this last year. Continually re-thinking what I did wrong and what I could have done differently. I have been lied about, made out to be this evil person. All I wanted was to grow old with someone. That's it.

I had a pretty good husband and a good marriage but he died and I had to move on. I met a nice guy who seemed to be a good dad and had pretty good kids. Fast forward to moving in and all hell broke loose. SD became a nightmare to deal with. Everything was a struggle. BM seemed like she was helping, but now it turns out she was undermining everything DH or I did. We didn't stand a chance. I really liked being married to my first husband, we were a team. I have never felt like a team with DH. That is all I wanted. Don't get me wrong he does try, but honestly the damage is done. He let too much go with SD and BM. He put me 2nd. He won't say anything to BM about what she has caused other than some emails when she wanted to medicate SS12. Too mild for my taste, but at least it was something. I keep wondering if we had had our own child, would we be that "team" that I want. Do you ever get the feeling of being completely in sync, if you don't have that kid of your own? Now it is not an option with DH, but I only have one child and one child that passed away in childbirth. I still feel like I am missing something. Always will, but I have learned to accept that. But, I keep wondering if that sync that husbands and wives have in a good marriage, is it because they have had a child that they learned to raise together? Can you really have that if you come into a marriage later on after you have developed your parenting style. You both have grown up with other spouses learning how to raise these kids. Styles may be similar, but still very different. Just curious what others think....

Comments

dragonfly5's picture

They are not your children...they are ready made. Not your morals, value system, manners, mind set...etc. So they don't think like you or react like you would. Your husband just doesn't understand. He can't.
I have only been with my Bf for two years. But I am constantly reminded that his kids are not mine. We get along great but it is the day-to-day stuff that gets in the way.
I had my godchildren this weekend. They have been a part of my life for 14 years...They are like me they are mine. Like my daughter they fit..it is easy. Maybe in time my bf's kids will be a part of me but for now,I am very aware these are not my kids. Love them, I do, but the constant small conflicts wear on me.

Bf puts us first 99 percent of the time and the one percent he doesn’t I put my foot down. I will not be second. I have pretty much decided. I am not going to marry BF until his kids are grown. I love him and he lives with me M-F.
Friday he picks up his kids and they go back to his place. I see them during the day. The nights are mine alone, quiet. It is a break for me. I do not think I could survive having them F-M. The Drama from BM and I see what the other SM’s say on this site how they wish they would have kept their own place. I am in no rush. I told BF he would need to understand I may decide not to marry him for 8 more years and if he wanted to be with me, he would need to understand that fact. He is not happy about it but he knows blending is not easy. My daughter is grown; his kids are still a lot of work.

Everything you said makes total sense to me. They are still not yours....I really don't think they ever will be. You can love them and make a difference in their lives. BUT....