Been kidding myself
Last night I came home from work with a pinched nerve in my neck and was in a lot of pain. I took some motrin and backacke meds and it took the edge off so I could function but I was still hurting. I made dinner and watched TV.....all by myself on my side of the room in the recliner while the BF and his princess lay curled up together talking on the other side of the room on the sofa. No one said anything to me but to ask a couple questions about homework, not even to ask if I was ok because I could barely turn my head. All of a sudden I get this really bad almost sick feeling in my stomach. I guess I finally realize that I am nothing more to this man than a paycheck...maid...cook...and something better than his hand.
I have invested 2 years in this relationship and I really really love this guy. It hurts me so much...I just don't understand. He knows how I feel about him...why would he not tell me a long time ago that he doesn't have the same feelings....am I that big of a loser that he would want to hurt me this bad? I'm gonna tell him how I feel straight up and if he tells me to leave then so be it but I absolutely can not keep doing this to myself.
I used to kid myself by thinking that he was just being a good dad and that is why he practically ignored me and gave all his attention to his daughter, but I know now it is not supposed to be that way. Reality is that he doesn't have any passion for me that is why he is content with not spending any time alone with me and being so obsessive with his daughter. He has no desire to be more than roommates with benefits. It is really hard for two people to grow in a relationship when they have no time to get to know each other. We never get to talk or enjoy each other just hanging out. He has no desire for my company alone that is why the whole situation is like it is. His companionship needs (other than sexual) are met by his 10 year old daughter.
- jojo68's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Oh hun I am so sorry. You
Oh hun I am so sorry. You don't have to feel this way! And you shouldn't!
Maybe you should make a good, old fashioned pro and con list of continuing in this relationship. Sometimes writing it all down makes me feel better.
I have no real advice other than the pro con list. I just wanted you to know I feel for you. You don't deserve to feel this way.
____________________________________________________________________
Rome wasn't built in a day, and my marriage won't be either.
I bet I could help you to
I bet I could help you to get rid of him steperg. Let me know his email address and I'll fill him in on how his wife feels about him and his daughter. Bet that would get rid of him quick for ya!
Just offering to help.
(((hugs)))
You are too
You are too much!
____________________________________________________________________
Rome wasn't built in a day, and my marriage won't be either.
Sorry about your cancer,
Sorry about your cancer, good for you on using THEM and then getting rid of them...
I do think that if you DH pays no attention to you and is all over his kids, you need to move on...I mean, if he sees them EOW only, that's one thing, but if they have lots of contact, and he's still like that, you have to rethink your priorities as well and move on.
JoJo, I'm so sorry you are
JoJo, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this and feeling this way.
I hate to talk in the open anymore because everything is under attack. But if you ever want to talk just PM me girl.
JoJo~ First off, (hugs) and
JoJo~
First off, (hugs) and feel better.!!!
I am so sorry that you are going through this. He should be curled up with you instead with the sd on the "side"
I raised hell about this kind of stuff almost a year ago and when I picked up my "CIAO" dufflebag and walked to the front door (with MY money), he got real about it.
Do you say anything to him about this type of stuff and what does he reply with?
MWC
Better yet, why was he not
Better yet, why was he not giving you a neck massage instead?
God Almighty! That's
God Almighty! That's it!
THIS FORUM IS FOR JOJO68- STOP THIS SHIT AND THINK ABOUT SOMEBODY ELSE STEPBERG.
I HELD MY TOUNGE UNTIL NOW- THIS WOMAN IS HURTING TOO!
PEACE PEEPS!
All we can do is ignore her.
All we can do is ignore her. I don't know what else to do anymore.
____________________________________________________________________
Rome wasn't built in a day, and my marriage won't be either.
(((((JOJO))))) I'm sorry
(((((JOJO))))) I'm sorry honey. Have you heard of spousification? It sounds like that's what BF is doing to his daughter. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you but I don't. Have you tried talking to BF about this?
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".
Thanks ladies...You are all
Thanks ladies...You are all very sweet
*hugs to your soul jojo68…
*hugs to your soul jojo68… and your sore neck!*
I think you really have to have a sit down eye to eye talk with your husband about all of this… these feelings of being under loved and underappreciated certainly came from somewhere, you just don’t wake up one morning feeling like a roommate with benefits in your own marriage! But I think you may be surprised by how your husband REALLY feels about you… some people (I won’t just pin it on men!) get stuck in the rut and routine of life and start taking for granted the person who loves and supports them the most! I saw it happen with my own mum and stepdad a few years back… it got to a point that she started hating him for his apathy… so she literally had to “shock and awe” attack him into changing his ways or getting the f-out!
Know what happened..?
He was shocked… and in awe of how lousy he had been treating her… and really had to make conscious efforts to change his complacent behavior. He said he felt like they were courting all over again and that HE had to win HER affections back! It was really sweet… and gave me a LOT of hope for relationships. It’s a full time job on both sides, I think if a relationship is going to work both parties gotta be on the same page. I think once he hears how you’re really feeling it’s going to open his eyes to some things that really need to change, and make sure you stress the fact that these things MUST change!
Good luck darling…
And for that neck (used to work at one of the BEST chiropractic clinics in the country!) ICE is your best friend… ice pack, frozen peas, or a cooling ointment (not icy hot! Avoid anything with heat!) like Biofreeze is also really effective. Sorry for ALL of your pains in the neck!!!
Of yes...Biofreeze is my
Of yes...Biofreeze is my buddy right now...LOL Wish I could put some Biofreeze on the Bf and fix him
Thank you for the advice!
Stepreg… I don’t want to
Stepreg… I don’t want to get into a thing here… but I just want to say that I’m sorry you’re sick, cancer is probably the scariest thing I can imagine going through and I know from family experience it drains every last ounce of mental, emotional and physical energy from you. You’re hurt and bitter about a lot of things… and I think you’ve disappeared as a human being down the “it’s just not fair!” path.
Dude… negative energy is going to kill you. Period.
Please let some light into your life before it’s too late. I really hope you can start looking at things a little more positively.
Go buy some Biofreeze and cool off.
Im my "rather" short life- I
Im my "rather" short life- I have walked with eyes wide open and have seen all types of 'Spirit'
You have the ones who give their lives to anyone who is in real need- You have the ones who have chips on their shoulders and feel the need to take 'that' out on others- targeting the innocent and empathetic is violating the laws of Karma- and She can be a bitch.
When you are ill and possibly dying, (I've seen this firsthand) go out and look for the beauty in ALL, while you still see in this realm.
No need to suffer in an endless state of limbo and suffering because you are angry about being ill.
Trust me here and take my loving advice. It pays in the Aeternal.
Peace~
Right on sister!
Right on sister!
"Going shopping now...
"Going shopping now... toodles"
OMG, I know people going through chemo and cancer right now - where and how are you finding the energy?
Jojo... so sorry you're
Jojo... so sorry you're having a hard time. Try not to get too depressed, because it's not worth it!!!
JoJo, you sound so sad,
JoJo, you sound so sad, lady. From the way you have described your situation, no wonder you are so upset. I'd echo what the others have said thus far, you should have a talk with your man. It sounds like he's not much for conversation either though, as you say he pretty much just uses you for what he needs.
Sometimes the best way to show a man that he's being a jerk is to get away. Leave him. I know it's easier said than done- believe me I've tried it and God knows I should have done it a few more times but..even if it's just for a few days, to get away and focus on yourself, might show him what he's missing.
Also, someone on ST here recommended a book entitled, "10 Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives." It talks about a lot of ways in which women "give up" for men and why we do it. It's a very straight forward, no bullshit book. Empowering, actually. When I read it I was pissed at DH something crazy and although it didn't resolve my problems, it opened my eyes up a little and gave me some confidence and tips on how to deal with crappy people. It took my mind off of the stress too and I think when DH saw me reading it, he got kinda nervous. I own a copy and if you'd like, I'd be happy to send it to you by post. PM if you're interested.
All in all, darling, like Kanye West said, this is your life and it is your only one. As humans we are wired for companionship and when we're down, the last thing we want is to lose what familiar companionship we have, even if it's shit. As you say, however, the reality is that he doesn't have any passion for you. Darling, those are some deep words. There IS someone out there who would give all their passion to you because you certainly have the ability and desire to do that for someone.
I'm here if you need to chat, lady. Sending you good vibes.
I agree with moon child.
I agree with moon child. have a frank talk. men are so clueless sometimes! in lots of areas! so I agree, moonchild. when DH sees how serious you are, he will probably feel bad because he didn't know how much he hurt you. he probably just thinks life is life chugging along like he knows how because no one has told him any differently. I'm so sorry you are sad and about your neck. get well soon girl and we'll be looking forward to a good report from you soon