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Is it worth it?

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Mon, 04/13/2020 - 9:21am

SD being gone for a month was the happiest I've been in at least 2 years. And the second she was back....downhill.

Is it worth it? Idk. Another 9 years of her being in my house about half the time? Plus the drama caused surrounding her and BM when they arent here? Shes on BMs team 100%. We have never and are never going to blend. That's not possible when the kid is more attached to the ex and the ex has a different agenda. Not to mention they're both narcissistic. 

On the other hand, divorce is not an easy pleasant thing either, especially with kids. And there are some good times - when shes not here.

Comments

Kee-khe's picture

Submitted by Kee-khe on Mon, 04/13/2020 - 9:40am

Following... Same here. When SD is here, our life is shit. The moment she's gone, my home is so peaceful and happy. DH and I get along great for the most part and we're your typical "happy family" during the week. Then weekends come and I find myself questioning the same thing, "is it worth it?" I contemplate divorce and pulling myself and my baby away from DH and his bloodsucking parasites.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Submitted by ProbablyAlready... on Mon, 04/13/2020 - 9:45am

I think it all depends on how your DH is handling things. If he's doing his best to nip things in the bud and stand up for you, then remember that SD is more of a temporary situation and will eventually be an occasional presence in adulthood (as long as your DH is making sure she's ready to launch!).

However if he's being a pushover and letting her run the show and disrespect you, that may be a different story.

I think some form of unpleasantries are expected in stephe!!.  Dealing with exes is NEVER fun, then add kids.  But it all depends on how your DH is helping manage and handle it all

Thefatherismyfamily's picture

Submitted by Thefatherismyfamily on Mon, 04/13/2020 - 9:53am

It's worth it. SD used to be a whopping bitch between the ages of 10-14 but when she turned 15 things got much better. DH was also very good at setting her straight each time she acted out of line.

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Mon, 04/13/2020 - 10:10am

Mines been god awful since she was 4 when I met her. I was actually dumbfounded by her behavior, but figured she would grow out of it. I have doubts on her growing out of it because shes so much like BM and BM is one of those people that people end up absolutely HATING if they end up close to her because she screws everyone over.

strugglingSM's picture

Submitted by strugglingSM on Mon, 04/13/2020 - 11:14am

SSs haven't been here for over a month. DH and I fight a lot less when Skids are not around. DH noticed pretty early on that we fight a lot more when his kids are around. That's because when they are around DH is less reliable as a husband. Also, he allows Skids to call the shots and we spend weekends rushing around to try to entertain them. That, and one is so enmeshed with BM, that when Skids are here we're all walking on eggshells to avoid setting that SS and by extension BM off. I really resent that one SS because he's caused so much drama for us. He's also lied about me personally. I'm sure I should let that go, because he's just being manipulated by BM, but he's a teen and he knows that what he is doing is causing trouble now. He's also a rude jerk and DH tiptoes around him because he's afraid he won't want to come back. It's been so nice to not have him around. I'm hoping he won't want to come back once COVID-19 passes. However, now that DH has stopped fighting to make him come to our home, BM has made it her mission to force him to go. She's even told DH that he can't tell SS that he doesn't have to come to our home without her permission. This was after she spent a year saying it was traumatic for SS to come to our home and DH should just reach an agreement to reduce visitation. So, basically, crazy always wins. 

BethAnne's picture

Submitted by BethAnne on Mon, 04/13/2020 - 12:40pm

I would look back where you were 9 years ago and see what has happened in the last 9 years for some perspective. It is a long time. 

As other's have said the key to being ok in a bad step situation is having a supportive partner who actively backs you up and makes changes that help you and your relationship. Of course sometimes there will be compromises and sometimes the kids may come first and sometimes your partner may mess up and make a call that you disagree with. But if on the whole they talk to you, consult with you, listen to you, and try to prioritize your well-being as well as your relationship then it can work out and be worth the shit that step parenting can bring. 

If that does not sound like your relationship then I would consider therapy to help you get there in the first instance and then perhaps separation if it looks like improvements cannot be made. 

FreeBird38's picture

Submitted by FreeBird38 on Mon, 04/13/2020 - 6:54pm

I’ve come to learn to enjoy the peace whenever I can get it and now, I get it more since they are out of the house.  Now I get to choose when my SD comes over which is often, but at least it’s my choice & husband too. 

 

Years ago when my SD was living at home with my other 2 girls (nieces that raised), I had them full time.  There were no 50/50 split which would have been nice to have a little break every now and then.  The only thing I didn’t like was when my SD would come home after visiting her BM after months of not seeing her, she would make things so bad for all of us for a few days.  In that case, I was glad that her BM was absent most of the year. 

 

Now my SD and her BM see each other more often now that she’s 21 and they have a better relationship which in some way helps a little with my relationship with her.  It also helps that my SD has a boyfriend and learning what it means to be in a relationship.  I think in some way, they all do grow up.