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I'm crabby today and skids do nothing but cause inconveniences

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Tue, 08/27/2019 - 2:12pm

So the new house we live in is slightly too close to the school for the bus to pick SD up in the morning. ODS has an IEP (because unlike DH and BM I actually did something about his issues) and therefore can still ride the bus because its included in his IEP.

So every other week I get to pack up my baby and 1 year old, possibly interrupting naptime just to pick up a kid that isnt mine because shes too immature to walk home like most of the other kids her age do. This is the best option we have at this point, I get that, but does DH seem to care that his kid is an inconvenience to others or want to do anything about it? No. He thinks that maybe there will be other kids to keep an eye on her walking home. In other words, passing off the responsibility for her onto others again instead of maybe teaching her to look for cars. Also, BM had offered to take her an extra day every week and that would have meant one less day for me to watch her and have to pick her up. He instantly said no to that without even discussing it.

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Siemprematahari's picture

Submitted by Siemprematahari on Tue, 08/27/2019 - 2:17pm

So every other week I get to pack up my baby and 1 year old, possibly interrupting naptime just to pick up a kid that isnt mine because shes too immature to walk home like most of the other kids her age do.

^^^^^^^^^^^How old is she? Why do you allow yourself to do this? You are enabling your H with his nonsense. SD needs to learn how to get to and from school, what better time than now. I wouldn't do it and make him teach her or have BM involved.....What would happen if you weren't around? He'd have to figure it out, right? So here he goes.....

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Tue, 08/27/2019 - 2:40pm

I'm willing to do some because I have an ODS that DH does take some of the responsibility for. The difference is that I try to reduce the burden to DH whenever possible and he does not extend the same courtesy to me. Hes at least taking her to school. And did agree to BM taking her part of the year an extra day for extracurriculars, but I'm sure that's because then it also benefits SD which is more important obviously.

Also, I would feel guilty if something were to happen to her even if it wasnt really my responsibility.

ITB2012's picture

Submitted by ITB2012 on Tue, 08/27/2019 - 2:18pm

DH wouldn't let the skids walk a city block (two half blocks with a street in between that had lights and a crossing guard) at 8 and 10 with other kids walking, too. I had DS walking by himself at 7 the six blocks (around a corner and out of sight and across a street that had lights and a crossing guard). When I was young one school was just under the limit for getting bussed so in middle school I walked 1.9 miles home (and sometimes watch the bus make the corner where my house was located because the kids on the other side of the street were at 2 miles).

Your SD is like 8/9, right? How far is the school?

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Tue, 08/27/2019 - 2:45pm

About 5 blocks. And yes shes 8, starting 3rd grade. I told DH I'm expecting her to be able to walk home by the end of the year when it gets nice out again.

fourbrats's picture

Submitted by fourbrats on Tue, 08/27/2019 - 2:22pm

Most kids that age do not and should not walk home on their own. They should walk in a group with other kids. I am a mostly free range parent and wouldn't have a child that age walk home on their own. In a group they look out for each other. Up until 10/11 they should be in a group and it is arguably still safer for middle schoolers to walk home together because they are at prime sex trafficking age. 

I think your husband actually has a good idea. She can walk home in a group and that means you aren't obligated to go get her. The other option would be to go pick up both kids on the weeks she is in your household. 

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Tue, 08/27/2019 - 2:29pm

Shes starting 3rd grade. Most of the kids around here walk home starting earlier than that. And sure she can walk in a group, but they arent going to teach her safety and responsibility for DH.

Ispofacto's picture

Submitted by Ispofacto on Tue, 08/27/2019 - 3:39pm

Killjoy went to aftercare at this age, and it was cheap.  We picked her up on our way home from work.

YMCA or Boys And Girls Club.

 

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Tue, 08/27/2019 - 4:37pm

Wouldnt be a bad idea, but the middle school isnt anywhere near the elementary. Good news is once they get to middle school in two years she will for sure be riding the bus.

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Tue, 08/27/2019 - 4:39pm

5th grader then. You could find a kid who is 10 or 11 and would walk her home for some money every week. Kind of sad she needs a kid two years older to make sure she doesn't get run over, but so be it.

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Tue, 08/27/2019 - 5:56pm

It would have to be a 4th grader but some of then are 10 I suppose. And I agree it's kind of sad but I'm not exaggerating, she still runs around in parking lots and grocery stores etc like a four year old. Sometimes I look around in the grocery store to see if any other kids are doing that and nope. If they are young enough to act like that they're still small enough to sit in the cart instead. And she wanders around before school instead of going in the school when her mom drops her off and when she did an after school program she was going outside and wandering around instead of going straight from class to it in the gym. So yeah the maturity level just isnt there.

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Tue, 08/27/2019 - 5:56pm

Or maybe a local teenager who wants to make some money would walk her home. One who lives near you. They tend to get home earlier than elementary school kids, and she'd be more likely to listen to them.

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Wed, 08/28/2019 - 7:49am

She can't be the only kid who has a parent that doesn't want them walking alone.  Maybe there is another parent nearby that would share the load with you.. She is 8.. but I am guessing there are younger kids... and I agree that 8 is pushing it for walking alone.. and I wouldn't be comfortable with my 8 yo walking that far without some level of supervision or known group of kids that were briefed on safety etc...

GoingWicked's picture

Submitted by GoingWicked on Tue, 08/27/2019 - 7:36pm

I walked SD to and from school during elementary school, and I didn’t mind.  I did mind that BM would call me on her time 5-10 minutes before I would have to leave to ask me to go get SD for her... until I stopped answering her calls.  I absolutely refused to walk SD after elementary school, so her parents juggled driving her.  She is now in high school, obese, and too lazy to walk most of the time, and her parents are too guilt ridden over the divorce to make her.

Kiwi_koala's picture

Submitted by Kiwi_koala on Wed, 08/28/2019 - 9:04am

Do you have a neighbor she can go with? It's ridiculous that you're waking up your babies to go pick her up. Why on Earth would your husband say no to her mom taking her another day? He's not the one who is picking her up and waking up the babies.