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Feedback please

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Mon, 08/02/2021 - 1:23pm

This is what I'd like to send BM. Before blocking her. Feedback please:

I'm not going to bother responding to the rest of the ridiculous accusations, but you're misunderstanding the reasons DH sent that message. He didn't say SIL ruined his relationship with SD. He said SIL makes the entire situation worse for our family by enabling and encouraging SDs selfish behavior and perpetuating lies. At this point it is best for our family if SD does not have visitation at our home, unless her behavior and entitled attitude improve and especially the near constant lying. All of you together are affecting the stability of my sons' only home and that's a line that is unacceptable to be crossed.

Comments

notarelative's picture

Submitted by notarelative on Mon, 08/02/2021 - 1:36pm

Write it out. It will make you feel better. Then erase it. Do not send. No good will come of sending this. No matter how true what you write, it will be twisted to be your fault. 

bearcub25's picture

Submitted by bearcub25 on Mon, 08/02/2021 - 2:06pm

Please listen to others and do not send that.

Back in the day I tried to communicate with BM bc SO didn't.  I tried to stick up for myself and what reasons for what we did and it came back to bite my ass worse.  Our BM would take the messages I sent her and post to facebook and completely twist the situation or what I was saying.  

Let them live in their world and focus on your world.  If you DH/SO doesn't want to get involved, then he may know it is futile and best to just let it go.

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Mon, 08/02/2021 - 2:13pm

Yeah...she probably does know it wasn't really about SD (unless SIL lied to her, who knows) and just wanted to take the opportunity to air her grievances.

Caroline2b1211's picture

Submitted by Caroline2b1211 on Mon, 08/02/2021 - 4:34pm

Hi Jcksjj, 

You know our experience are pretty similar. I wrote hunded of message to BM or ILs about how they create a dramatic situation with my SS. But i never ever crossed the line since i knew i wasn't controling anything. 
It was hard but i let DH deal with his people. 

The only time i texted BM and MIL, i was about MY kid and things i could control. 
The text for BM was about her saying that SS was really sad to not playing the doll with my 3 weeks old son while SS had flue. She asked me "what i'm supposed to answer when he asks me why he can't touch his brother ?" I texted her direclty and said that it was not my problem if she couldn't explain basical hygiene to her son, and that mine won't be used as a doll and be put in sanitary danger to please SS, no matter how he felt bad about that. 

The text for MIL was about her, asking me why i was cold with her. I explained i was cold because she was really unfair and put ZERO effort with my child while she obviously could bring the moon to SS. Since she couldn't treat the boys equally, or at least fake it, i had nothing to tell her anymore. And i never talked to her since (many months). 

Oh yes, once DH implored me to call MIL (after she told horrible things to him about me). To show DH i was not a conflictual person (actually i did it for my marriage), i called her but record the talk. When i asked "is there anything you have to tell me?" She only replied "no, everything is great", and it the last time I talked to her. 

So focus on things you can control. 
I have been hardly attacked by BM, SIL and MIL but i stand on my feet and fight for things that matter in my life. 

Your baby, your DH and you : the only that matter. Not that SD doesn't matter, but she is out of control from your household. So it's DH's issue, not yours.

Show that you don't give any attention to their drama. They will just change of target (obviously it will be DH). 
Course, they will badmouth you, but you don't care, they are already out of your life. 

Just cut ties with all of them. Don't allow them in your house anymore and ask your DH not to talk about them to you. If needed, focus on talking about SD ONLY, not the toxic adults she is surrounded by.

I feel much better since i decided to act this way

Best and stay strong