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BM and SIL spend Easter together

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Mon, 04/05/2021 - 8:26am

So BM, SD and SIL spent Easter together. I'm sure mainly because they both have no one else.

Now, DH and I have zero desire to have anything to do with SIL. But what really gets under my skin: BM thinking she's getting one over on us. The smugness about it ughhh.

Oh and SD is absent from school today and so far is unexcused. Which means BM didn't call the school yet.

Comments

The_Upgrade's picture

Submitted by The_Upgrade on Mon, 04/05/2021 - 8:31am

You shouldn't let it bother you. That's exactly where you should want her to be. If she thinks she's got one up on you she'll be smug about it but won't be looking to escalate further. If she thinks you're happy about it she won't let that slide. So if you really don't care then give all appearance of being unhappy and let her crow about it. That's how you really win.

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Mon, 04/05/2021 - 8:40am

Hmm...maybe. I don't think she will stop either way from escalating things but maybe it will tide her over for a bit. She lives for the thrill she gets from upsetting people though so I'm sure it won't be the end either way.

The_Upgrade's picture

Submitted by The_Upgrade on Mon, 04/05/2021 - 8:45am

Yes, but with an unstable BM then we're talking about degrees of crazy. A low 2 on the crazy scale is still better than a 9. If she thinks 2 is really bothering you then she won't bother to dial it up a notch. Unfortunately steplife is all about accepting the lesser of two evils.....

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Mon, 04/05/2021 - 9:29am

We found it was the other way - just ignore and give her no reaction. Yes, she kept trying for a while, but eventually, with no reaction, it was no fun for her and she gave up.  She tests the boundaries every now and then but gives up very quickly.

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Mon, 04/05/2021 - 9:41am

We usually grey rock her. It works for a bit and then she tries something else. Usually the biggest factors are things out of our control - namely if she's distracted by being in a relationship or not. Since she's been single for about a year now it's ramped up majorly. Unfortunately I think it could be awhile before she finds someone again, but who knows.

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Mon, 04/05/2021 - 9:43am

Yes, it was the same here - it was off and on. But once DH truly ignored her as much as possible, it got much better. It "helped" that SS was alienated for over 3 years, so he had no reason to reply to her.  Once SS came back into our lives, DH tried communicating with BM again about college tuition and it quickly ended up with her threatening court - he has never replied to her again. That was 3 years ago.

Last year she gave one more attempt and asked DH to help pay for something for SS.  She sent two emails, got ignored, and gave up.  We figure she was trying to find out what the boundary was about paying for things post child support.

I know your DH has to reply occasionally, but definitely ignore stuff like this.

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Mon, 04/05/2021 - 9:49am

Oh, he does. She didn't get a reaction at all. But being completely honest it did still get under my skin that she thinks she's getting to us. As childish as it sounds, I don't want her to get any "wins" in, because no one ever did a thing to her other than put up boundaries.

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Mon, 04/05/2021 - 9:51am

Yep, I hear you. I still feel that way at times about BM. I figure it's just part of having such a toxic person in your orbit.  But at least we don't deal with the drama anymore.