Spidey senses and automobiles
We got a car when DS got his license as a car that they all could use (since OSS was just a few months later and DH talked to BM about it being a shared car with the skids since it's in their decree they have to agree on vehicles). Back then, a few months before buying the car, I asked DH about a car in BMs driveway (I was in our car when we dropped skids off after some trip). He and the skids said it was BMs for winter driving to far away work functions. She had an SUV but wanted to drive a smaller car during the winter? That didn't make sense. Then I found out she got a speeding ticket in her SUV on a very cold and snowy day to a far away work function. Hmmmmm. DH adamantly assured me that it was not for OSS. So I was the only one not surprised when that extra car was magically OSSs the day he got his license.
Now OSS and DS are going off to college. DS is not taking the car we bought (he doesn't need it and it wasn't solely for him). It's come up a few times about OSS taking "his" car to school. I've gotten evasions, definitive statements that he's not taking it, and told that DH and BM are still deciding---in random cycles so it's odd.
For some reason, and I don't always know the reason but something seems off that I cannot put my finger on, I started wondering if YSS is getting a car. (Which would make no sense because either he will have the car we own as a car to drive or he will have two cars to choose from if OSS does not take a car.) Now DH mentioned that YSS is starting to bother him/BM about a car and there was something about him needing to get a job first. Hmmmmm. The message wasn't that he can use the cars available but that he needs a job before he can get a car. Hmmmm. And OSS did not have a job when he got the car, he got one later. I also know OSS thinks of the car he drives as his and it's talked about as his.
I sense a car for YSS within the next month if OSS takes his to school. I don't care who has what car. It would be helpful but not necessary to have YSS driving the car (our kid car) around so it doesn't sit, and practical since it's available. The only part where I have feelings about this is if DH is aware YSS is getting a car and OSS is taking his car but DH is lying to me that those things are not happening.
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I would casually
I would casually start talking to the boys about college and find a way to mention that most colleges don't allow freshment to bring cars to school. See what he says. If he just happens to know that his school does allow it and that they can even park them on campus or whatever then you have a pretty good clue that he is taking the car and have a starting point for a conversation with your DH.
But I think you have a bigger problem than cars. If you have to play "secret spy" to get your DH to give you a straight answer to a pretty simple question then there is an issue. It is mid-August. Housing arrangements have been made for a while now. He either has a parking permit issued or he doesn't.
The boys know
It's come up between the kids, comparing things at the campuses. Both can have cars. XH and I decided for DS that he was not taking the car. It's not in his name, we don't think it's a good idea, etc. and he has no control over whether he takes it. Everyone knows this. Friends and family ask, they get a definite "he's not taking a car."
I agree that by now BM/DH/OSS have to have paid for parking or not and DH should know. It's hard. Sometimes he's astonishingly uninformed about things and yet other times it comes out he knew but he had some weird excuse or reason for not saying things directly. Based on his answers I'm guessing the latter.
So here's my bet on what's going on and what DH will tell me: DH will say that he kept quiet/wasn't definite about OSS is taking his car and YSS getting a car because he didn't want DS to feel bad since XH and I were not letting him take a car. (Note: DS is not upset about it and already had the experience of getting used for his transportation so he's fine with not taking the car.)
I'd put a whole paycheck on that one.
Riiiiiight......
Riiiiiight......because DS is psychic and would know the substance of a private conversation your DH has with you. Try again buddy!
So if OSS takes the car that
So if OSS takes the car that you and DH bought, is BM buying YSS a car as a replacement since you bought that as the kids car for your house?
That is the only way I think I would let it go with OSS.
Sorry, I wasn't clear
I have no real knowledge of what BM is doing or why. But here is some clarification and some guessing:
BM bought a car for OSS (said it was for YSS, too, at the time, after I'd been told it was her winter car) without consulting DH as she was supposed to do per the decree.
DH and I bought a used "kid car" for all of them to use after consulting with XH (which I did not have to do) and BM (which DH did according to the decree and she still didn't fess up, or DH didn't tell me, that the "winter car" was for the skids). We never said it was for only when they were at our house, they could drive it wherever.
BM and YSS have already been told he can use the "kid car." My guess is she's got to be MOTY and YSS has usually gotten what he asks for even if DH and BM crab about it and threaten to say no.
So if I'm understanding
So if I'm understanding correctly, BM bought the car for OSS and will be buying the car for YSS, right? So, aside from your DH lying to you (which is huge), do you care about the cars? I'm assuming this is all about DH's deceit.
Don't really care about the cars
Yes, that's my guess is that BM is getting YSS a car.
The only "feeling" I have about the cars themselves is that it would be convenient for YSS to drive the car we have to keep it running and not just sitting, and it seems silly to get another one when there is one available. But this is not a strong feeling. I'm not fighting for this. In fact, I'm trying to figure out if a relative can store the car we have since I'm assuming a car is in the works for YSS.
DH potentially bending and fogging the truth (so, lying) is the problem. I didn't include that I happened to see DHs phone and a text message by BM about car shopping. It was too short and obtuse to know if it meant they were going to talk about his request or she is actually getting one. But the timing will be interesting.
Why is DH protecting BM
There more going on. Is DH giving BM money for buying there car. He does not want you to know he giving money for his DS but not for your kids,
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