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OT - An encounter with a narcissist

ITB2012's picture

This past weekend I went with a family member to visit another family member I rarely see and is only related to me through marriage (not my marriage).

We talk about narcissism on this forum and I thought I'd seen it in action closer to home. I was wrong. I now have a face and first-hand behaviors and statements to go with anything I read about narcissists. The guy got ansty and fidgety and frustrated if he wasn't leading the conversation or the topic of the conversation. So long as you sit quietly and listen to him expound on whatever hits his fancy, he can be charming and pleasant. His face gets really dark if he's not the focus and if someone says something he doesn't like.

He is not married to his GF and expounded on his views of marriage and fidelity, and it's a load of "I do what's best for me" crap (not personal integrity and morals stuff, but more like mantrum-don't-want-to-grow-up-and-consider-anyone-else crap). I have no idea how in the world the GF thinks this guy loves her. He doesn't love her, he loves that she loves him.

It was like watching the "10 signs you are dealing with a narcissist" articles play out in real life.

Comments

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I have no idea how in the world the GF thinks this guy loves her.

Ye olde rose-coloured glasses are thick! There are members on this site who think their other halves are Great and Wonderful and Perfect and Awesome Parents when they are nothing of the sort.

tog redux's picture

My favorite is "He's an AMAZING man." 

I haven't yet met an amazing man.  Love my DH, but amazing? No. 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Oh, I forgot Amazing!! I have known one amazing man in my life and he is my Dad. We secretly call him "Saint Dad". I have never known anyone with such honesty and integrity and goodness. 

ITB2012's picture

We are OBVIOUSLY all on this site because WE ARE AMAZING and they just are too dense to see it. Duh.

thinkthrice's picture

can go both ways.  Reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where the ugly baby was called "breathtaking" by the handsome pediatrician who also described Elaine as "breathtaking."

Exjuliemccoy's picture

My DH's eldest kid is an undiagnosed overt narcissist. I always thought there was something "off" with her, a different way of being in the world, but moving closer to and being around her made the light bulb go off for me. OSD has some covert traits (she tries to keep her anger and vanity hidden, but has frequent outbursts) but she basically sees everyone as a resource to be exploited. She's also a GU and a SAHM whose youngest kid is nearly 18. It's a shame, because she has some traits that could serve her well in a work environment but she can't get along with others and doesn't want to work. She is one of those people best represented by a one-way street sign.

Kes's picture

I belong to the "Raised by Narcissists" reddit group forum.  It is a real eye opener on the behaviour of narcissists, if you leave aside that most members are 40 yrs younger than me, lol.  I was raised by narcissists but it was 300 yrs ago.