Mr Obvious
I tried to get through to DH tonight that when I come to him for closeness he always (yes, really, always) assumes it's a come-on. Even a request for a small massage of my shoulder (long history of problems) in a spot I cannot reach is an invitation. No, I'm in pain and I really don't want to do stuff that's gonna make it worse but maybe a little help and comfort might do some good.
I pointed out to him that it's possible he'd get more of what he wants if maybe I also got more of what I want and felt close to him.
When we were shutting down the house for the night he spent five minutes telling the dog how much he loves it and kissing it. Which he never does. Hm. Passive aggressive much? That wasn't obvious at all, nope.
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Reminds me of a meme I saw once
*cartoon drawn in 50's style with housewife mum smiling down at her children*
Little kid: Mummy, did you want a boy or a girl?
Mother: I wanted a back massage
He's reading what HE wants
He's reading what HE wants into your request. But there are plenty of men like that (my psycho exh was one). Men and women communicate differently. You may need to very specific and tell him "This is only a massage because I'm in a lot of pain. This is NOT foreplay."
My DH knows that a massage is exactly that and expects nothing in return. The reverse is also true. If either of us wants a massage as foreplay, we make it known.
And he's being a poopie head with that dog business.
Regarding messaging and poopie heads
I did give him that message. I asked specifically for just the help with the massage and that I was in pain and just wanted that help. No, I did not say "it's not sex." I'm guessing he would have been offended.
And I agree he was being a poopie head.